So I'm sat here pretty hungover and feeling like I have hit rock bottom. I have a broken heart, massive debts, terrible job, single mum, the list goes on...
I know that although things are bad, I have a home and my kids are great (and healthy) and I'm healthy too (although if I keep going like this I won't be) But what I really want to do is to stop drinking. I have been fighting this for 15 years now and I'm so tired.
If I bite the bullet and do it today, I have to get through xmas and new year sober, with everyone trying to get me to have a drink, they don't get it that when I start, I can't stop. It's like I hate myself so much that the only way I am happy is when I'm drunk but then it's always end the same, me crying and in a mess. My kids are so used to me being like this now, it's the norm.
This is the 3rd xmas that I have been unhappy. I don't want another xmas day with me drunk and crying. I need to find the strength to get through it sober.
Thanks for letting me wibble on, I guess I'm looking for support here, I can't (and don't want to) go to AA.
UBx
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