I'm very good at drinking...

[sunnyside]

Can I be as good at quitting?

Hello. I am as new as they get. Although I have been drinking since I was a teenager, now almost 30 years. I guess I am what they call a 'functioning' alcoholic. I manage my life just fine knowing my reward will be that nice chilled glass of Chardonnay in the fishbowl size glass. A bottle is only 3 glasses.

Of course all my friends enjoy wine too. Everyone drinks, what is so different about me? When I call them the next day with the Big A Call (apologies for acting like an a**) I hear, "oh, you're being too hard on yourself" or "you were just having fun". Over the years I have managed to place myself in the drinking circles. I find drinkers and they find me. So, now I try to avoid social get togethers because I know I can't stop pouring. So, my 2 to 3 glasses at home work fine. I don't drink on Monday and Tuesday night because then I would be drinking 'every day' and that would be a problem.

Here we are at the holidays. I had a party Saturday night to celebrate my Tween girl's dance performance. Now all her friends have seen the Chardonnay mom at her worst. I look back over the years and the over-the-top nights, while only a handful of times a year, are unbearable to remember. I don't want another one - ever. I know I can't drink. Is life really better without it? :new:

[stirly-girly]

I'm very good at drinking...

Hi Sunny!
:welcome:
I'm a "Newbie" like you but will be the first to answer it seems. Don't know how long you've been checking out MWO before you joined us. I joined Dec. 1st but had been checking out the posts for about a week before that. I happened on MWO by mistake and couldn't believe my eyes in the beginning. I was reading posts by members about stuff that I thought only I had experienced. This place has opened my eyes and I hope it will do the same for you.
First of all, all the "Old-bies" will tell you that you have landed in a safe place. At MWO, all the members know what you are going through and the support they offer is phenomenal.
All of us, or at least most of us are alcoholics. We have admitted that to ourselves and the others here and all of us have one basic goal - to improve our lives. Whether that means by controlling our drinking through moderation or by being AF (alcohol free) since when we start drinking, we can't stop. I belong to the second category.
I know what you mean about doing things when you've been drinking that you regret later. I have many times. Many times I remembered the next morning what I had done and was embarrassed. Many times I didn't remember and was told what I had done. Mortifying to say the least.
You have to figure out which way is the way for you - moderation or abstinence. There are tons of information and things available here to help you out. Most members will agree that you have to make a plan. I am no expert and as I said, a Newbie like yourself. I did have a time from summer 2003 to spring 2006 when I was completely AF so I know it can be done. You have the strength. You have to believe in yourself.
Welcome to MWO. Read as much as you can of the posts. Write whatever you want and ask whatever you want. The folks here are an amazing bunch. I have felt their care reaching out to me many times in the short while I've been a member.
The important thing is to try and turn things around and make your like better. Take better care of yourself so you can take better care of your loved ones. We'll all be following your posts and hoping for the best.
Stirly
:huggy

[stirly-girly]

I'm very good at drinking...

Stirly again.
Life is definitely better without alcohol. For most of us. It makes you feel so much better that you control the drink and it doesn't control you...

[KateH1]

I'm very good at drinking...

Hi Sunnyside! Welcome to My Way Out!
Oh, Yes....."Functioning Alcoholics"....I used to use that term for myself as well. Worked a very responsible job, kept a well managed household, and some of the time appeared quite in control. The problem was, when I lost control it was Awful!! Now when I look back, it was a rare occassion that I was truly fully functioning due to drinking a bottle of wine on a nightly basis. It always took so much energy to push through the next day's hangover and lethargy.

So, to answer your question, is an Alcohol Free Life Better? YES! Much, much better! I am now a little over 2 years AF and I do not have any compulsion to go back to drinking. None! I love my life now..."Fully Functioning and Loving Life". You can live happily alcohol free as well!

Best Wishes to You!
Kate

[ultrabunny]

I'm very good at drinking...

Hey Sunny,

I'm new here too and we are in the same boat totally. My daughter has seen the Chardonnay Mum too (and the Vodka mum and the red wine mum and the beer mum...)

I also tried to convince myself that my drinking isn't a problem but I have known for a long time that it is.

Y'know what the hardest thing is? That alcohol is accepted and encouraged by society. Think about it, if you tell people you have given up smoking, everyone is like 'yeah good on you!' but if you say that you have given up drinking people think 'ohmygod she has a drinking problem, she's a drunk' Not everyone thinks that way, but a lot do. It's sad and makes it hard to give up.

[stirly-girly]

I'm very good at drinking...

Hi! KateH1 - may I add my two cents to your comment. First Congrats big time on being AF for over two years.:rockon:
Your comment that we can live happily alcohol free..... I wonder how many of us were really happy when we were drinking. Being AF is so liberating. You don't have to sneak drinks, hide bottles, wait for the "witching-hour" to gulp down your first drink and sit white-knuckling it til that time comes. Nor do you wake up in the morning trying to remember if you had blacked out the night before, etc.etc.etc.. Life is indeed so much better AF!!!
Stirly
Again...:goodjob:

[stirly-girly]

I'm very good at drinking...

U-Buns, Hi again. You are so right! And women who have a problem with alcohol are judged so much more than men....Stirly

[KateH1]

I'm very good at drinking...

Stirly, You bring up a great point! Yes, how many of us were truly "Happy" when we were drinking? Quite honestly, I can tell you that I was not happy, no content at all during my drinking and I didn't even realize how miserable I was until I was sober for several months! This is probably due to the fact that for those first few months AF, I was so focused on not drinking and at the same time trying to discover who I was....the me without alcohol. What a marvelous journey this is!

Best Wishes to you too, Stirly!
Kate

[Chillgirl]

I'm very good at drinking...

Here Here Girls!
Hi Sunny Im new too just joined a week ago...
I am a totally fuctioning alcohol addict or so I have told myself for years!
Im 45 and have been a regular drinker since 15,
I convinced myself for years with these types of excuses "its ok all my friends do it! I manage to drag myself to the gym most days to sweat it out, alcoholics couldnt do that! I can hold down a job, I never drink in the morning" etc etc
Its all crap.... and my drinking has just got heavier and heavier, the bruises & memory loss more frequent and Im not having fun...

I finally admitted to myself I needed to quit and by accident found this site last weekend while suffering from a horrendous hangover.

Now im determined to do it and being able to post these threads admitting all this has been the best therapy in the world!!

Welcome aboard..... together we can do this

[stirly-girly]

I'm very good at drinking...

Chill darlin' - you ain't takin' baby "one-day-at-a-time" steps. Girl, you are takin' GIANT steps. The way you are thinking right now is so.o.o. different than the way you were thinking just two days ago during our chat. :goodjob:
Stirly

[Hartley]

I'm very good at drinking...

KateH1;774749 wrote: Stirly, You bring up a great point! Yes, how many of us were truly "Happy" when we were drinking? Quite honestly, I can tell you that I was not happy, no content at all during my drinking and I didn't even realize how miserable I was until I was sober for several months! This is probably due to the fact that for those first few months AF, I was so focused on not drinking and at the same time trying to discover who I was....the me without alcohol. What a marvelous journey this is!

Best Wishes to you too, Stirly!
Kate

It's the viscious circle isn't it? You drink becasue you're miserable and you're miserable because you drink.

[sunnyside]

I'm very good at drinking...

Thank you all for the helpful replies! Wow, this really is a great support group. I too had a hangover from hell yesterday and went online searching for help. I don't want to try the traditional AA programs, I prefer this. You all may not realize it, but you are going to have to be my new friends if I am to get through this... I have tried so many times in the past to quit and when I reach out to friends they dismiss it. My husband knows I have a problem so he tries to be my 'watchdog' but it doesn't always work, he's not always present. He's told me but he knows I have to admit it myself.

I agree that it is so much harder for women, but another factor is if I admit that I have a problem to friends that drink just as much as me, they feel insulted as if I am suggesting they have a problem too. By agreeing with me puts them in a bad position. What they don't get is that I am talking about ME not THEM.

So, I have had every rationale you can imagine over the years to continue drinking:
"Life is too short, enjoy it while you can"
"I manage work, kids, etc. just fine (or so I think)"
"I deserve some ME time"
"I am just overreacting after a bad night, I'll get past this"
"A good meal at a restaurant has to be enjoyed with wine"
And so on...
I do the gym thing, the volunteer thing, yoga, vitamins - all trying to balance the good with the bad.

I actually had to ask a friend yesterday to tell me what the worst thing I did or said the other night because I couldn't remember a big chunk of the night. I needed to know once I see the people I was with again. I've moved over the years, switched jobs, all trying to get rid of the past embarrassing episodes. It's humiliating.

I am really going to try this time... thank you!!

[JackieClaire]

I'm very good at drinking...

Hi Sunny,

Already good advice you've received already so I won't over load you with any more.

Just wanted to say :welcome: and :hello2:.

J x

:l

[stirly-girly]

I'm very good at drinking...

Sunny, me, again.
You know what scares me the most about drinking - the blackouts. I am AF for a few days now but until then I had this little routine where I would set my pj's out on my bed, get myself a little snack ready. When you drink a lot of booze, (min. 38% alcohol content) in a short time, you need something with a fairly high fat content to "sit" on top of your stomach fluids to help the alcohol to enter your blood stream at a slower rate and so that you don't throw up. Anyway, I would get all that in order while I was still sober enough to do it and then continue to chug back the booze until I was just one step short of my "pass out" point. I can't tell you the last time I remember getting into my pj's, eating the snack and falling semi-comatose into bed. I'm just so lucky that I didn't fall down and gash my head open on the night table or break a bone. I have wakened up many a morning with a bruise on my arm or leg and once on my eyebrow (luckily it was deep and no surfaced bruising to show) and I had no idea how the bruise got there.
That's the scariest part for me. Knowing that after the booze really hit and I no longer had control over my limbs, that I could have really been seriously injured.
As for your friends who drink as much as you do, maybe the way to approach them would be for you to say that while you see that they are able to drink as much as they want and to stop at that point, that you sometimes have trouble stopping. You could be totally honest with them and tell them you have a problem with alcohol or that you are a problem drinker but most people do not understand and may be stand-offish with you after you "fess"up. Drinking can be a really touchy subject in some circles. There are many people out there who have a serious problem with alcohol but don't want to admit it, fearing that they will be stigmatized because of it.
Here at MWO you will find a ton of support. No one will criticize you. No one will judge you. We have all been or are where you are right now. The main thing is that you recognize your problem and want to do something about it.
As I told you in my first message, the people here at MWO are all on your side. We are here to help you as well as ourselves. We can be your "watchdogs". We are all in this together.
Enough from me for now. They may boot me out because I talk too much!!
Join us on the AF path. We are all walking along together. Those who trip get caught before they fall and if we don't get to them in time and they do fall, there are many hands waiting to reach out and help them back on their feet.
Again :welcome:,
Stirly

[Chillgirl]

I'm very good at drinking...

Hey Stirly
Dont stop talking!
:imglad: you are here and I can see you are going to be a great mother hen at welcoming all the newbies to the nest!

Ive just been reading you and sunnys posts nodding my head!!
I dont get a great satelite reception here so buy a lot of box set series to watch on DVD you wouldnt believe how many i have had to watch over as cant remember them!

Sunny I have exactly the same problem with my friends who drink, they dont get that its a problem and have raised their eyes when ive metions cutting back. This time round I will be ready for them as I no longer care what they think, I have to do this for me.
Im going to just say "well you may think its ok but its making me miserable and i dont want to do it anymore!"

I have being going through the same senario i.e. meals out will be boring etc etc im sure they will be difficult to start with I am intending to stay home more to begin with but when I think of the up sides it just doesnt mater and the food will still taste good!