Embarrased

[Wagoneer]

Hey Everyone. I have been on the site off and on for about 2 years, but changed my screen name to "Wagoneer" since I can't seem to stop jumping on and off the damn wagon. I am a functioning alchoholic like many of you. Wonderful kids, great husband, stressfull job that I can't stand and I drink to relax. I think. I don't know any more. Wine is my poison. Recently we had a death in the family of someone very close to us and very young. Not his time. We were all devastated. Me, I jumped into a big bottle of wine every night for the past week and am done. In fact, I poured it out this morning and wrote the date on the bottle. My family is none the wiser. I am a great hider. Never drive drunk, never get drunk in public....but it is getting worse. I have to stop. I will start back on the supps and visit here often. I am so embarrased at how damn weak I am. Disgusting.

[akgirl]

Embarrased

Hi Wagoneer,

Yes it is embarrasing, but you are among people who understand. I've done so many things I'm embarrased about. You just have to get your plan together and start fresh. You can do it. Stay strong and post/read often.

:l
Ak

[sunshine_gg]

Embarrased

:l Welcome back wagoneer

You can't be all that weak, in fact, you should be in excellent shape with all that jumping on and off the wagon

Seriously, hop on up here - we'll all scootch over. Been where you are today, totally understand the self-disgust, and here to lend a hand, ok?

Pouring out the wine is a good start - not getting any more after that will be the sequel. Treat yourself well for the next few days, lots of fluids, rest, snuggle up with a book and some hot chocolate and plan your new life! It's SO worth it.

[ultrabunny]

Embarrased

You are not weak or disgusting. None of us are. You must not say things like that as if you say bad things enough you start to really believe them.

If a close friend came to you with the same problem, you would not call her weak or disgusting, you would support her. You need to look after you, be nice to you.

I think the support on this site is amazing and you will get back on track.

I am just like you, today is day one (again!) of my new sober life.

[Wagoneer]

Embarrased

Thanks everyone. Ultrabunny - you are right. Thoughts become things. I need to snap out of this mindset and that will help alot...

My husband is fairly clueless about my drinking although I think my kids know something is up. Question: Have any of you come clean to your kids? How do you approach that? I think this will make me responsible for my actions and help me to stop. Any advice?

[akgirl]

Embarrased

I wrestled with the decision of whether or not to tell my son. In the end I decided to show him instead. I figured he had enough to worry about without a discussion about my struggles. I figured it would mean just as much when he saw and felt the difference.

Only you know your kids and how they might react. Either way, do it for yourself first.

Sending tons of support
:l
Ak

[ultrabunny]

Embarrased

My kids know that I have a problem. My little boy is 7 and my daughter is 13 and it's sad the way that even without me telling them I have a problem. They know.

I'm sitting here wanting to say to my daughter that I'm going to stop - for good. I'm scared though, incase I screw up again.

Last Wednesday my daughter got the Vodka bottle out of the bin and wrote a note saying 'why mum why? I've had enough'

My excuse? I had just seen my ex with his new girlfriend and it hurt. But y'know what? I will ALWAYS find excuses, we all will.

I should tell my daughter. I will tell her.

[Shukrilove]

Embarrased

Wagoneer;774843 wrote: Hey Everyone. I have been on the site off and on for about 2 years, but changed my screen name to "Wagoneer" since I can't seem to stop jumping on and off the damn wagon. I am a functioning alchoholic like many of you. Wonderful kids, great husband, stressfull job that I can't stand and I drink to relax. I think. I don't know any more. Wine is my poison. Recently we had a death in the family of someone very close to us and very young. Not his time. We were all devastated. Me, I jumped into a big bottle of wine every night for the past week and am done. In fact, I poured it out this morning and wrote the date on the bottle. My family is none the wiser. I am a great hider. Never drive drunk, never get drunk in public....but it is getting worse. I have to stop. I will start back on the supps and visit here often. I am so embarrased at how damn weak I am. Disgusting.

I read your message Wagoneer, and am in the same boat as you.

Great husband, potentially amazing life, and I just F it up by poisoning myself.

I am miserable, but am so weak when it comes to my will.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Embarrased

Hi Wagoneer.
I'm a wagon jumper myself.
I don't want to coin loads of hackneyed phrases, but it really isn't how many times you fall down, but how many times you get back up that counts.
I like where your head's at Ultrabunny. If you want to manifest failure...think about it ALL the time.:H
Unfortunately, I don't have to tell my child that I have a problem. Despite my best attempts to hide it (which are PRETTY good efforts if I do say so myself:H), it has on occasion become ABUNDANTLY obvious.
All we can do now is look to the future folks.
Maybe our children will look back and not remember our imperfections, so much as how we dealt with them.
And....at the end of the day.... we're HERE, aren't we ?
Bridget

[sunshine_gg]

Embarrased

Well said, bridge

[Wagoneer]

Embarrased

Thanks again everyone. Made it through my first night in a loooong time with no wine. Didn't sleep for crap, but still am grateful and thankful I did it! My husband asked me where the wine went and I told him I poured it out. He just looked at me puzzled. I swear I saw my girls smile. Who knows. All I know is that I may be sleep deprived, but I am not hungover. One day at a time. Thanks for all your support friends.

[akgirl]

Embarrased

:goodjob:

Stay strong!!
:l
Ak

[~EVA~]

Embarrased

W-
I too was here a long time ago and fell off the wagon & said i would not come back until I was ready & commited.
keep the faith & welcome back to both of us! Maybe a second or third or fourths a charm!