Powerless over alcohol

[Lissie]

Hello, I've joined today and appreciate being able to be part of this process to overcome a lifelong dependence on alcohol. I have singlehanded managed to jeopardise most of the good parts of my life and so I need to start over and deal with the wicked and cunning beast that has me in its jaws. Today in the first day of my recovery and tonight I will go to the market and get the best and healthiest food and juices and make myself an alcohol free feast. I am alone now because my partner can't handle my drinking. He will consider reconciling further down the track but first for me I have to recover my self esteem and health.
For now it is hour by hour. Any encouragement would be appreciated.
Lissie

[byebyebridgetjones]

Powerless over alcohol

You might not feel like it Lissie, but you are right on the money.
You've already made some really good decisions.
To get rid of alcohol out of your life.
To recover your health and self esteem.
And to join this forum.
It sounds like all is not yet lost.
Strangely enough this horrible day might be the day you started a new life.
Bridget

[caysea]

Powerless over alcohol

Hi Lissie
Welcome to a place full of information and support.
The day we realize we want to change and are willing to make being sober the most important thing in our lives is when the healing begins. Many great people here to give you all the support you will need. It will be your hard work at changing that will make the difference. I know if you want it you can do it !


Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[TranqWilly]

Powerless over alcohol

Hi Lissie.

You've taken a great first step toward a rewarding freedom. Stay close and read what is here in the various forums. A lot of good people have paved the road for us, and they're still here sharing. Feel free to ask any questions. Take very good care of yourself - you can do this!

tw

[UrbanFool]

Powerless over alcohol

Hiya Lissie! It was great to meet you tonight! Just keep coming back, and we'll help you out any way we can! No matter what you're going through, some of us have been there and done it to excess!

[stirly-girly]

Powerless over alcohol

Hi Lissie.
:welcome: to MWO.
My name is Stirly and I just want to tell you that you've come to the right place. I landed here quite by accident in Nov. this year and joined Dec. 1st. The support and care that has come my way since then has been phenomenal. You will find the same helping hands reaching out to you.
I tend to talk a lot, but it's just because I am so enthusiastic about MWO and totally believe that people who have a problem with alcohol, admit that they do, and truly want to change their lives, will find the help they need here.
My advice to you is to read a lot of the posts, especially in the Newbies Nest and the ASAP threads. There you will find people in the same situation and frame of mind that you are in now. You have come to a place where you will feel that you are not alone, that you have finally found a wonderful group of people who are going through or have gone through exactly what you're going through now. We are all in this together for one purpose. To live a better life than what we've been living up til now. Whether that means moderation for those who can manage it, or total abstinence (AF - alcohol free) for those of us who chose that route, the end target is the same. A better quality of life. A life where we control the drink, it doesn't control us.
Welcome again, Lissie. We'll be following your posts. Write what you want to. Ask what you want to. We are all here for each other and for ourselves...
:huggy Stirly

[crazyforwine]

Powerless over alcohol

Lissie,

We're all the same boat with you, there seems to be almost a universality of feelings and experiences that bind us all together. It's quite amazing and wonderful to find shared experiences. We are here for you and for each other, just let us know how you are doing. I am on day 15; I wasn't perfect this weekend, but I wasn't awful, and I feel good about that!It's a journey and a process for sure!

We've got your back, just reach out please, whenever you need it. These folks have lots of advice and support and wisdom.

Glad you joined!

Ann

[sunnyside]

Powerless over alcohol

Hey Lissie,

I am right there with you!! I just joined yesterday feeling the same way - like crap! But I am more optimistic than ever. I had some amazing support and posts and just reading through other posts are encouraging. I tried to quit several times but never lasted more than a week - 2 at the most. I thought about going to an AA meeting but couldn't bring myself to that kind of forum. I never sought support before. My dad was an alcoholic and before he died last year, he had been sober for 30 YEARS!! I was only 12 but I remember... The support of his AA clan was how he did it. I wanted to quit before he died but I didn't and I feel terrible about it.

But now I am starting to finally see the light - the sunny side of things! I am sick of hangovers, embarrassing episodes, eating junk for comfort after drinking, losing precious time, etc.! I want to FALL asleep at night not PASS OUT! I don't want to wake up at 3 am with the sweats. I want to be healthy, vibrant, clear-headed... I want the respect of my teenage daughters, husband and friends who know me as a lush - or as some say fondly 'party girl' - the life of the party - right... I am done! And you can be TOO!!! Let's do it!!! Yeah!!

Thank you to all the posters and supporters on MWO!!! We can all do it!

(wow, writing that felt good!)

Sunnyside

[com1]

Powerless over alcohol

:goodjob: and :welcome:

We need support in whatever form it takes. I tried AA several years ago but it was in a small town and after I went for awhile, I was ostrazised by most folks there. Needless to say that what is supposed to stay in the meetings did not. But others find the right groups for them and it works.

Glad you are here.

com

[sunnyside]

Powerless over alcohol

Thanks Com!

Yeah, I think this is more for me, I hope...

Staying optimistic...
Sunnyside

[Blanchieboo]

Powerless over alcohol

It certainley is a beast Lissie. I am sorry to hear of what has happened in your life. Be assured that great things will come to you as you get your life back together.
Prayers and hugs~

[hippie37]

Powerless over alcohol

For me being powerless meant I was weak willed and could not control things in my life. But when I truly accepted I was powerless it actually had the opposite effect in empowering me to be able to get on with my life. I only came to accept this though when I realised that I have no control over my drinking, non-drinking, friends, family, my daughter, my ex.......THE WORLD!. I stopped trying to finally play god and manipulate people and control what they thought of me or have expectations of others that they could never match up due to the perfect world I'd created according to ME. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and making people feel sorry for me which got me some superficial love that was only ever a temporary fix. Going the gym, changing my diet and eating healthy, taking antabuse and anti-craving meds etc etc were all just temporary fixes to the problems that lay deep within me. I always saw alcohol as the problem when in fact it was the solution to my problems, i.e ME. I wanted to blame everyone else for my problems; I wasn't happy in my relationship, other people are trying to control me, I'm depressed etc. I wanted to cast blame on everything and everyone apart from look at myself because I was scared people wouldn't like the 'real' me. We are all innocent children of God and I needed to stop beating that child up inside me and start showing him some love. I had to stop the self loathing and try and move away from the shame and guilt I felt due to things that had happened in my past to me and things I had also done. It wasn't easy believe me. It took years because I was in such a place of denial, that I wasn't as bad as everyone else, because I hadn't ended up that cliched park bench drunk. Who is to say that my pain is any worse or less than any other persons purely based on circumstances? We all suffer pain in our own way and for me that was the mental torture of this obsession I had to use alcohol and drugs to change how I felt each and every day. When I didn't have it I was always thinking ahead to when I could get it. It was an absolute nightmare the mental torture I put myself through. I couldn't focus on anybody else but me. On the surface I would show interest maybe with a work colleague or a friend or my partner or my daughter etc but internally I didn't give a damn because it was all about ME ME ME and how I was feeling!

So powerlessness gave me the understanding that the world does not revolve around me and that I have no control over other people. I can't make people like me or love me. I can't expect people to be who I want them to be as I did with my father. I can't expect anything in this life apart from the fact that if I pick up a drink I know EXACTLY where that is going to lead me. I'm not prepared to take that risk and loose everything I have gained back in my life right now. I have an intimacy with people I have never had before because in the past it was false and superficial because I would not allow people to get close to the real me. It IS an amazing life without that constant obsession to use drink and drugs and it keeps getting better and better the more I accept that I AM NOT GOD.....I AM POWERLESS!

Love and Light
Phil
xx

[stirly-girly]

Powerless over alcohol

Hi again, Sunny.
Just read your latest post. I can so relate to what you said about wanting to fall asleep and not "pass out". Unfortunately for those of us who have control whatsoever over alcohol once we start, that's how we usually end up. And you're right, it is embarrassing. I've had some incidents that were down right humiliating. More humiliating again when I learned about them the next day since I had no idea what I had done or said the night before.
You say you want the respect of your family and friends again. Of course you do, we all do. By staying AF and proving to your yourself first and your family and friends along the way, that you are no longer "the party girl" or "the lush" you will definitely gain back their respect and also your own self-respect.
Here's a thought. As long as the alcohol is in the bottle or the can, it can't harm you. It is totally harmless. Even in a glass it is still completely harmless to you unless you choose to drink it. Stay with us who are AF at this time and planning to stay AF one day at a time. Choose not to open the bottle, choose not to flip open that can of beer, choose not to take a sip of that glass of wine or that martini offered to you at a party. You can control the alcohol. As someone stated in an earlier post - if you knew that you had a deadly allergy to peanuts would you eat them? Of course not. Those of us who cannot stop once we start drinking have a deadly disease called alcoholism. It will get us in the end if we let it. The trick is for us to have the upper hand, the strength to say no. Not to the second or the third glass of wine or cocktail, but to the first tiny little sip.
You can do it. We all can. We are all rooting for you and for ourselves. Best of luck,
Stirly:huggy

[stirly-girly]

Powerless over alcohol

Hi again, Sunny.
Am writing this to you on the thread that Lissie started but I guess that's okay. Most of what I write applies to most of us...
I just read your latest post. I can so relate to what you said about wanting to fall asleep and not "pass out". Unfortunately for those of us who have control whatsoever over alcohol once we start, that's how we usually end up. And you're right, it is embarrassing. I've had some incidents that were down right humiliating. More humiliating again when I learned about them the next day since I had no idea what I had done or said the night before.
You say you want the respect of your family and friends again. Of course you do, we all do. By staying AF and proving to your yourself first and your family and friends along the way, that you are no longer "the party girl" or "the lush" you will definitely gain back their respect and also your own self-respect.
Here's a thought. As long as the alcohol is in the bottle or the can, it can't harm you. It is totally harmless. Even in a glass it is still completely harmless to you unless you choose to drink it. Stay with us who are AF at this time and planning to stay AF one day at a time. Choose not to open the bottle, choose not to flip open that can of beer, choose not to take a sip of that glass of wine or that martini offered to you at a party. You can control the alcohol. As someone stated in an earlier post - if you knew that you had a deadly allergy to peanuts would you eat them? Of course not. Those of us who cannot stop once we start drinking have a deadly disease called alcoholism. It will get us in the end if we let it. The trick is for us to have the upper hand, the strength to say no. Not to the second or the third glass of wine or cocktail, but to the first tiny little sip.
You can do it. We all can. We are all rooting for you and for ourselves. Best of luck,
Stirly:huggy

[Lissie]

Powerless over alcohol

Day 3

Oh my God! Thank you all! It is so much better today than it was yesterday and after reading your responding posts I am blown away. I'm so green I didn't think what I had written had got on the thread. I am so sick of alcohol and all the things it has caused.
But all is not lost and if I stay firm most of the damage done will be reversed, I'm hopeful of that. Already I came to work today actually thinking positively of what I need to achieve today - no glass of wine before I left home to cheer me up and at the end of today there will be no glass (read bottle or more) of wine slugged back because I feel sorry for myself.
Things have changed. New Lissie being hatched!
XXXXXXX