why again

[hangingon]

I did it again, 2 bottles of wine last night and woke up to my son and husband not speaking to me. I know we argued last night but don't remember about what. I am sure I said mean things to both of them. I hate myself today, just like so many other days. I took all my supplements this morning, I hope they help. I want it to be Christmas and now that I made it from now until then AF. Then maybe we will have a nice holiday and they will speak to me.
haningon

[Chillgirl]

why again

hi Hanging
Dont be so hard on yourself..
I was at my christmas party yesterday and dont even remember getting home
Im sure that everytime this happens it reinforces why I have to be completely AF

tomorrows another day.. good luck

[sunnyside]

why again

Hanging and chill,

The fact that you are both posting this morning is HUGE! Keep trying... you know what you want, you see it. Hang on to your goals...

I came SO CLOSE last night, I actually surprised myself and didn't drink. I had so many conversations with myself and Party Girl was a strong member of that discussion. But I thought of this group and so many others that work so hard everyday in determination. Today is a new day, keep posting and keep trying...

Sunnyside

[lil.michelle]

why again

I've been there sooooooooo many times. I know it's hard not to beat yourself up but try and look at what you did last night... What time did you do it? Where did you get the wine? did anything that you know trigger you off? Try and do things differently, for example... if you get home early from work and no ones home and thats when you buy and start to drink.... pop into a friends house on your way home, go for a drive, go somewhere, anywhere you'll not be able to drink. If you got the wine when you did your weekly shopping, order online to stop yourself being tempted with the asles of the stuff. If you got it on your way home, leave your cards at home and only take enough for the day at work and not for wine.
Think how you feel now, how horrible and ashamed you feel. How your SON and hubby feels, write it down and keep it in your purse. Think of them everytime you get tempted. It's ONLY a fluid hun, is it worth all this s**t and heartache for a fluid... NO.
i found the supplements didn't work. I got antabuse and have 1/4 of the dose which is enough to keep me sober!

[Hartley]

why again

Don't reproach yourselves, guys. Just summon up the strength and go again. Use this board - wail out loud because we all hear you.

I'm having a tough tough time just now with everything around me. Every bone in my body wants to retreat and just get fucked up. Plus I'm really sick as a dog from a cold that seems to be getting worse just now and is depressing the hell out of me.

But I won't give in. No way staying clean is going to solve everything but it's a place to begin.

Be strong and do it for you - nobody else, just you to start with.

[Chillgirl]

why again

thanks guys
Sunny I know its good that i keep coming back here,
when i woke up this morning i felt ashamed and wasnt going to post anything but i did and im glad...
Hartley your doing great... hope you feel better really soon

[sunnyside]

why again

Good advise lil,

Keep the memory of how you feel today to help. That post reminded me of my father who was an alcoholic (and gambler) but quit when I was young - he was sober for over 30 years. I posted stuff about this already, but when he died last year we were going through his stuff there was a crinkled up photo, almost shredded to pieces from being looked at so much and carried everywhere of ME when I was 5!! He used it to stay sober. I cried then... I'm crying now...

Hold on,
Sunnyside

[Chillgirl]

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Sunny thats really beautiful!

[JackieClaire]

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Oh Sunny,

Here's a:l

J x

[JackieClaire]

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Hi Hang,Hi Chill,

An hour,a morning,an afternoon,a day. It soon adds up.

Then it's a week and you're flying.

:goodjob: on coming back here.

We're in this together the bad and the good times.

J x

:l

[Guest]

why again

Hanging on... I totally relate. Thank you and chillgirl for your posts...I'm having a very hard time thinking I can get through the holidays without drinking...but no doubt if I do drink I will hurt those I love and not remember most of it.

[hangingon]

why again

thank you so much for all your support. Made myself go out and finish Christmas shopping, now I am going to stay busy wrapping presents. Hubby and son went to the HIgh school football state game. No wine in the house and I did not stop and get any. Almost one day over.
Chill I have been in your place so many times. It is so sad we let AL control us.
Hanging

[mel09]

why again

It's a stressful time of year to be early in recovery. It has taken me a few times. At one point I went to AA for awhile, though it was a very long distance. I didn't really subscribe to the philosophy, or fit with their 'profile'. I just went there and sat in the back, and listened to the speakers - I didn't go to step meetings, only speakers meetings. It did help keep me on track and motivated through the most difficult part. I don't need to go back there again now. I get enough local support and help.

I've found there are some things I do have power or control over in recovery, and some I don't.

The point is, we all have various things that help and work for us. Have a look around and see what may suit you. I have my own weird made up plan or 'program', and I'm not afraid to change or adjust it if my needs change.

I did learn to identify bad situations, early warning signs, etc over time, and with increased sobriety perceived them with better clarity. An excellent book I read explained that many of us have become so accustomed to being numb (definitely me), we can become a bit out of touch with our own guages and perceptions. But the ability does return, it's a matter of learning and practice at it, and not giving up.

[hangingon]

why again

thanks Mel. Would you mind sharing the name of the book?

[mel09]

why again

It was 'Staying Sober' by Terence Gorski, and it openly endorses AA, because that was his background and experience, but I gained a fair bit from reading it anyway, there were many good tips. The easy part for me was stopping, it was the staying sober with thoughts that felt like they were spinning out of control that proved difficult. But I learnt ways to manage them.