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    #1

    No matter what!!

    Hi all, its been a while since I last wrote here but have decided to return today as I am really fed up!! I left last time because reading about people drinking and trying to control it just made me want to drink and reading about people being sucessful and controlling drinking also just made me want to drink!! I guess i just stopped wanting to think about bloody drinking and so i gave up for a while and felt great but of course the habit has kicked back in and here I am again enjoying a bottle a night and feeling mentally crap!! I do not get hangovers, blackouts, nor do i ever want to drink in the day, its just a bad habit in the evening that i cant seem to break.

    So I HAVE DECIDED that in the new year no matter what happens in my life I will not drink 3 nights a week and wil enjoy my beloved wine on friday/saturday/sunday and monday and no more than one bottle. I know that sounds like a lot but apart from that I have a very healthy lifestyle, i.e. good diet, drink lots of water, regular exercise etc etc! If I cannot do that then I hereby vow to stop altogether - wow I just said that out loud!! I do think that is the answer for me but am going to try my " no matter what" rule first as usually i just come up with different excuses, i.e. had a hard day, had a great day, blah blah blah!

    I have know idea why it occupies my thinking so much??? Especially at this time of year but somehow I feel better already that I have vented my self frustration and have a plan for the New year. Why am i waiting until New year I ask myself - we all know the answer to that one!

    Thanks for reading and merry christmas to you all!
    Keeps x:happyheart:
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    #2
    No matter what!!

    Keepwalking - I did the same thing. I stayed away from MWO, because it seemed to actually Trigger me drinking!! Just seeing the words, AL, AF, drinking, etc. "caused" me to obsess about it.

    But after staying away for a couple weeks, I STILL came up with excuses to drink!!

    (Damned if I do, damned if I don't.)

    So I came back on board. I wish I knew why it's different now, but it's not having that trigger effect. And I've been AF for 11 days now (longest in at least a couple months).

    I think it all comes down to mindset. Sometimes I'm in the Mood to quit and sometimes I'm not!! Very unscientific, but seems to be true...

    It's all about personal choice, I guess. Are you planning to make ONE bottle last for FOUR days?? More power to you if you can do that. Or did you mean one bottle each of those days...?

    If only one bottle, that would be 2 small glasses each day. Again, I commend you if you can make that work!

    The only time I can stop at 2 drinks is if I'm out at restaurant/bar. Too nervous about driving!! But I found that the last time I did that, it seemed to push me back into the habit of drinking at home...

    I still can't say I'll NEVER drink!! Too final for me at this point. But I am seeing that just not drinking is easier than trying to moderate. I know some can...

    MERRY CHRISTMAS to you, too!
    Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down... Anais Nin

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      #3
      No matter what!!

      Thank you Savon, i appreciate your comments. sadly that would be one bottle or thereabouts 4 nights a week but as i say i do have a healthy lifestyle as well, if that makes sense??? anyone else really good with diet and exercise, job etc but then hit the vino at night??? daft question probably!
      Keeps x:happyheart:

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        #4
        No matter what!!

        Hi keepwalking.

        "anyone else really good with diet and exercise, job etc but then hit the vino at night???"

        Not a daft question at all. You sound like me. I'd workout all week then go through a case and a half or two of heineken each weekend. Sometimes my workouts had me "working up a good thirst too". Good job. Very "high functioning" for a long time. Never a hang over for years, but suddenly that changed, don't know why, but it got harder and harder each Monday morning. I didn't like who/what I was becoming - luckily I stumbled in here.

        30 days af got me to appreciate af. I reckoned one way to limit damage would be to put more space between al events. So I've been down to one day a week or none, but it's taken time. Since thanksgiving I went 10 days af, had 4-5 drinks one saturday night, then another 10 days af (and still rolling). I kind of look at moderating as abstaining much of the time, then not worrying too much about how much when I do.

        Hell, I've even been getting up at 6:30am on Saturdays to get another workout in - something I could never do before. I am recognizing how al kind of stands in opposition to the concept of fitness - but I'd hate to know what kind of shape I'd be in if I wasn't active - or maybe I'd be really inactive - like dead. LoL!

        I've pretty much stopped drinking alone at home, but like Sav said when I'm out and have a few, it is tempting to continue the party at home - sometimes I do and wish I didn't the next day. But I'm for sure not drinking at anywhere near the levels I did before. Weird too that the less I drink, the less I want to.

        Go for it! Sounds like you've had some success before, and a plan to get started. You can do this!

        Take care!
        tw
        Nobody asked for this; we're just stuck cleaning up the mess. -

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          #5
          No matter what!!

          Thanks a mil TW, very inspirational! I love your comment, " the less I drink, the less I want to" what a great place to be, hope to join you in the New year!!!
          Keeps x:happyheart:

          Comment

            #6
            No matter what!!

            I read you post and so sorry that you are having troubles. I am looking for finding someone on chat, if you would like that would be lovely. But whatever.......it's going to be ok and yes see you in the new year....
            AF Since May 2nd 2012

            Comment

              #7
              No matter what!!

              Keepwalking,

              Same profile for me. I eat very good, including juicing fresh veggies and fruits, lift weights five days a week, do yoga and cardio, and drink anywhere from half a bottle to a bottle a night. I feel tired the next morning, wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep, brings my mood down, puts size around my waste because of all the calories, and I tend to not be as sharp and productive during the day. AF seems like a dull and boring life without the fun I associate with drinking. I am basically torturing myself when I drink and when I am sober. I have yet find the solution to that part of my life.

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                #8
                No matter what!!

                Keepwalking,

                That sounds very similar to my lifestyle. However with the Holidays and trying to fit everything in, I slacked off the exercise and am back to drinking a bottle of wine a night. The hard part is all the socializing. Anyway, I am hitting the gym tonight and no wine for me. Like you, once this Holiday season is over with all its stresses and triggers, I'm really going to give it a good effort once again. I like Tranquilly's approach to be basically AF with an occasional drinking for social purposes. I just need to train my brain to think like that. Exercise is the only thing that really keeps me on track to I have to focus on making time for that everyday. Best wishes for your New Year!

                Everything I need is within me!

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                  #9
                  No matter what!!

                  While it is Fantastic to have a healthy lifestyle OTHER than drinking... it sounds a bit like a justification to me. (And, believe me, I am QUEEN of Justifications!!)
                  Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down... Anais Nin

                  Comment

                    #10
                    No matter what!!

                    So glad I stumbled upon this thread. KeepWalking you ARE me. I do everything right and am only about 5 pounds overweight. I take all kinds of non AF related supplements, go to the gym, am never hungover, eat well and am happy at home and at work. The monkey on my shoulder if I am honest to myself is: # 1-long term health, #2 -example for my grown kids and the new baby on the way, #3 - feeling like I am wasting my evenings away sitting down drinking - I must say when I am justifying my habit (usually with a glass of wine in hand) I must say i have the most relaxing, conversational evenings with my hubby. But the nagging feeling that it's a waste of life keeps pulling at me. After Christmas/New Years I am there too. Let's get down to wasting 4 evenings a week instead of seven!! I want to prove to myself that I can DO it!
                    Tipplerette

                    I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

                    "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
                    ? Lao-Tzu

                    Comment

                      #11
                      No matter what!!

                      Thanks for the replies, it is so good to see I am not alone with this strange and very bizarre struggle!! I am definately up for the challenge in the New year tipple and BL and remember the mantra is NO MATTER WHAT! Sav you are so right re justifications!!!! I abuse my body then punish it at the gym and at work, next year I am going to learn to love it and treat it with the respect I treat every other body around me!!! I am so glad I came back this is all very helpful for my resolve!!! thanks again I appreciate every single response!
                      Keeps x:happyheart:

                      Comment

                        #12
                        No matter what!!

                        Sheri only just read your post! Thanks for the reminder, I know you are spot on!! I am aiming for 3 AF nights, two a bottle and two half, I know thats still too much but its a start, my "no matter what" rule kicks in on the 4th January - anyone following a similar plan from then so we can share notes???
                        Keeps x:happyheart:

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                          #13
                          No matter what!!

                          Hi keep,
                          I was like you a year ago. I worked out like a fiend 5 days/week, could do more than most women my age at the gym, accomplished much personally and professionally, and drank at least a bottle of wine at night. Good marriage, successful family, all the right things. But it wasn't right. I could write a lot about this. Tranqwilly I relate to you too. Then, in June, I decided I was on a road to ruin and I started to stop drinking. Oh guys there is much we could share on this path. On the one hand, I have made great progress doing 4-5 days/week AF. On the other hand, some bad things have happened and I am a little scared about my ability to keep it in hand. So I'm not sure where I am. In some ways I am better, but in others worse. June/July/Aug were good, sept was bad, oct was good, nov was bad. Dec was bad then good. Where am I? Where are you?
                          Please write more, continure this thread or start a new one.
                          Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts.
                          AF since May 6, 2010

                          Comment

                            #14
                            No matter what!!

                            Keep - maybe you should post your plans on the Moderation forum and see what they think...

                            But I would have to agree with Sheri - it doesn't sound like moderation.

                            We all have to learn for ourselves, I guess.
                            Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down... Anais Nin

                            Comment

                              #15
                              No matter what!!

                              Hi guys
                              I can really relate to this thread....
                              I have being trying to convince myself for years that because i eat very healthily and work out 5/6 days a week that the bottle of wine every evening was well deserved. I justified it as the reward for all the physical exercise i did and was in complete denial that i was harming my body.

                              In the last year the "bottle of wine" has crept up to "two" and the workouts down to 3 days a week due to the hangovers. The healthy eating isnt so healthy on the days I need comfort food...

                              Now i feel grateful that it did get worse because it finally got my attention, i have managed many more AF days this month and will have my final glass as we close the door on 2009

                              Here to an AF 2010.....!
                              "In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer ."
                              AF - JAN 1st 2010
                              NF - May 1996

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