December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 4

[Lavande]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 4

Good evening friends,

Thanks Cyn, yes - today I am 9 months AF - Yay Thanks for remembering, I'm really happy I made it! You are so right - we have given ourselves a wonderful gift this year! Hope your snow stops soon. The rain we are getting today is making last weekend's snow disappear quickly.

MM, dinner for 22? Holy Cow!!! Good job!

Lil, I'm loving your new avatar, very festive!

SD, glad to hear you are happy with your progress since last Christmas - that's what it's all about, right? To tell you the truth, I'm much happier & calmer when I'm NOT around my family either

Dill, hope your day is shaping up well for you. Hope you are planning a day to rest tomorrow!

Think I'll grab some dinner then just sit & do nothing for a while!

[ladybirdheart]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 4

Dill when you wrote about the fatigue of the season,

?If drinking, I would have been too buzzed to know the difference. At least we knew we were tired!?

it is so true. I am aware of all kinds of things, most of them good things, but also being tired and irritable. Cranky. Who knew I had a cranky crabby streak and I hope it goes away:H. I had a reluctant breakfast with visiting people this morning and thank goodness they were all so very sweet and peaceful, the secret tight band around my sober self melted a bit. I should be fine after a few days of reduced intensity, repartee, and cheerful expectations. I see why the holidays are hard and I didn?t when I drank through them. I didn?t care if I felt tired and estranged; I didn?t know the difference. At least there is hope to do something about it proactively as we get the hang of this. Love to all and congratulations to our own Ms. Lav, Ladybird.

[dill]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 4

I am again, relentlessly tired. Today went very well and all the guests appeared to have a good time. I must tell you that I had one glass of wine, but it was (UGH)white zinfandel. My SIL asked for white zin and gaily told my nephew to pour one for me, too. I set it aside and went about my business getting food on the table and arranging seating, etc.. She was ready for her second glass and looked for mine to refill. It was still full. I didn't want to make an issue of it, so I picked it up and sipped it. I could have poured it out when no one was looking but instead I sipped it for the next hour and that was that. All it did was make me 1.) want more al, and 2.) sleepy. I don't even think I'll count it as I was never even slightly buzzed. It just added a stressor to my day.

I am aware of so many more things without drinking, and feel so much more confident. I do have a bit of a short fuse at times, as you mentioned, LBH, but I manage to keep it in check except for occasionally with poor Mr. Dill.

Onward and upward! SD, I think you did very well and I am glad that you kept your awareness of your self and al front and center and that you were present for Brayden. You are learning so much about yourself, your family, your relationship with al, their relationship with al, and all the relationships mixed together! I'm happy for you. Does that sound strange?

Lav, congrats on 9 months! But mostly, congrats on getting that Christmas Eve milestone behind you. Maybe now you can let that pain go.:h

Lil, I like your festive New Year's avatar!

OK, Cyn, :H Here we go:

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, ' a liiife of sobriii-eee-ty'.

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 2 clu-ub sodas, and a liiife of sobriii-eee-ty.

[cyntree]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 4

Good night all (morning, Sooty!) - I was just about done with a long post, and lost it, so for now will just share the end of the Dylan Thomas poem 'A Child's Christmas in Wales' that I was trying to send to all -
"Looking through my bedroom window, out into
the moonlight and the unending smoke-coloured snow,
I could see the lights in the windows
of all the other houses on our hill and hear
the music rising from them up the long, steadily
falling night. I turned the gas down, I got
into bed, I said some words to the close and
holy darkness, and then I slept."

Sweet dreams!

[Lavande]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 4

Good morning December friends,

Everyone exhausted at this point???
It's no wonder - really

The rain is over, the sun is out & it's relatively warm......very nice!
Think I'll jump into my hip boots & wade through the mud for a while (just kidding)! I am looking forward to a little fresh air though.

Wishing everyone a great day!
Lav

[dill]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 4

Greetings Determined Ones!


"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns
have roses."
--Tom Wilson

Cyn, Thank you for that excerpt. I let the image form in my head and it took me back to my own childhood looking out my bedroom window in the dead of winter. (life before alc) I could almost feel the stillness, innocence and peace.

Lav, it is definitely time to rest and recoup. I wondered last night if I have many more events like this left in me. I am ready for the next generation to step up if they will. BTW, about your hens; have they gotten out of the coup yet?!

LBH, I pondered your statement: "the secret tight band around my sober self melted a bit." last night as I was reviewing my day mentally. I thought that struck a true chord. Yesterday at the height of the get-together I became self-aware momentarily and consciously reset my facial expression, quite sure it was reflecting the internal struggle and tension I so commonly feel in staying sober. I feel it mostly at the witching hours and at social events like yesterday's.

Lil, Red, MM, SD, Pnut, Savvy, all who stop in to post, Peace and strength.

[spedteach]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 4

Wow, what a great thread! There is so much here that I can relate to.
Cyn, thank you for reminding me of "A Child's Christmas in Wales". I love Dylan Thomas but haven't read him for a long time.
Lavende, congrats on 9 months. I'm closing in on 6 and it has been such an interesting journey. I haven't been sober this long since I was pregnant with my last son in 1985!
LBH and Dill, sometimes I feel that "tight band", that "internal struggle and tension" that comes with sober socializing just overwhelming. Last night at a wonderful dinner with family and friends I just at one point had to go into the bathroom for some down time, collect my thought, compose myself. If I had been drinking I would not have been so uncomfortable. I would have been oblivious. Sobriety makes me so hypersensitive to how I'm feeling but I also pick up so much more about how others are feeling or reacting to something. It can be unnerving to say the least.
Anyway thanks to all of you on this thread.
You remind me everyday of why I want to be sober.
Shelley

[sooty]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 4

Hi everyone, hope the holidays went well. I had a good time but went down with stomach bug yesterday so have been feeling pretty wretched ever since - sitting under blanket with wheat bag on tum, very sorry for myself but glad that Christmas is over.
Family pressure on computer means I can't get on as often as I would like at the mo - things should calm down very soon - and I'll be back to my usual routines!
Keep going gang, lovely to see you've all done so well, have a good Sunday one and all
Talk very soon
love Sooty

[ladybirdheart]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 4

The quotes are lovely today, Cyn and Dill. Thank you for joining us Shelley; I certainly hope you stay, you have a kind voice, this thread is a fine place to be, and I am quite certain we will continue to find our way out in some incarnation in January. Hi Sooty. Love the avatar, Lil, I'm right there ticking down to a new year with you. Right now I am just moving slowly and taking care of things that have been done or left undone with all of the festivities. I am going to have a quiet, soft, and peaceful day if I have to beat any alternatives senseless with a stick :H. Carry on. Love, Ladybird.

[lilmea]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 4

Welcome Spedteach, I am also closing in on 6 months and can relate to needing those 'alone' moments where we can collect ourselves.

we did Christmas this morning with Mr. Lil's brother and wife. I am very tired now and am really just looking forward to this year being over. I guess that's why I picked the countdown avatar, Lav.

It's snowing outside and we are suppose to get around 3 inches. I have checked on my Mother and still have lots of food so plan on staying in side all snuggy and warm.

Wishing everyone a peaceful and safe Saturday.

[Lavande]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 4

It's been a nice day - sunshine & all!

Dill, two days ago I went out & shoveled enough snow to entice about 4 hens out for some fresh air (the braver ones). Yesterday we had 2" of rain which managed to wash away all of the snow so today the whole lot of them are out getting some air & sun! They're all quite happy Hope you got some well deserved rest today!

spedteach, glad to see you here! We'll have to throw a party for you & Lil to celebrate your 6 AF months - great!!

Sooty, sorry your feeling poorly! I hope you get better very quickly!

LBH - 'cranky, crabby streak'? No way - that's just your Lavan-itude showing. It's nothing to worry about - it can actually serve you quite well

Lil, a 3" snowstorm sounds nice after the monster storm we had last weekend! It's enough to make a snowman!!

I going to take the lowest calorie leftovers I can find in my fridge & turn them into dinner! Weight Watchers is calling........

[cyntree]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 4

Good night all (again!). Home to the desert - I have to say that I miss the snow...now that I don't have to deal with it for the next 4 months! Wonderful day with niece and family driving in - for 3 hours, most of the family was together - very magical.

Too tired to write more now - look forward to catching up on the posts tomorrow -
Good dreams -

[sooty]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 4

Hi folks, happy Monday after Christmas. I'm still feeling a bit rough but tummy not as sore - another lazy day for me I think!
I had a thought - all this Christmas malarky and we haven't thought of a name for January - come on Dill get your thinking cap on ..... next month will be upon us before we blink!
I'll have a little look at my dictionary now ...
january jaguars
hey what about this? jannock - means straightforward, honest, genuine and that is certainly us lot - The January Jannocks!!
Jaunty January
Jazzy
January Jewels
January Jezebels - no I know we can't have that one cos of any men coming along with us - I just liked the sound of it :H
january journey
joyful (perhaps not - sounds a bit pious!)
Jubilee
I'm sure Dill will have hundreds more .. whichever one we choose I'll be more than happy to get back in the driving seat of the bus/ship/plane/submarine/space rocket
Hope everyone has a good day, see you later
love Sooty

[redhibiscus]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 4

December 28 and still entertaining. Dill, my daughter could not be here for Christmas, so she came on Saturday and we had Christmas all over again. They are staying till Tuesday, (tomorrow) so it is a big house party with my son here too. My house is a mess and we have all been eating, or should I say grazing, for the last few days. It is fun, but stressful, too.

I have not been able to stay AF, and unfortunately had one bad time, where a glass of wine ended up being more, and I drank way to much. I was so upset, and understand that I cannot keep on doing this to myself. So, my new resolution is to be AF from now on, no matter what. I will not buy the booze, which I did for the holidays, a deadly mistake. Knowing myself, I realize that I do not do well on holidays or when out of my normal routine. So I must make sure in the future to plan better. I hope that others on this thread will understand how disappointed, upset, disgusted, discouraged I am with myself. I need to stop this craziness, but understand that I have the tools now, I just need to use them and not give up.

I will be 50 years old in a few months, and want Alcohol out of my life, permanently. I want to be healthy, have good hobbies, interests, activities, and keep my weight down. All these things I know I can do without alcohol. It was interesting, we watched a tape from the early 90's, and I did not drink much back then and I was thin. Over time, the alcohol has taken its toll, but I want to reverse the pattern and become AF once more. I did well for a time, but the holidays have kicked my but. NOt like in the past few years, but nevertheless, I am now where I want to be. Thanks for listening.

[Lavande]

December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 4

Good morning December friends!

Cyn, so glad your family Christmas went well! I will be happy to share my future snowfalls with you

Ms Sooty, thank you for the January names list......hm, I'll have to spend a minute thinking about that today. Jannocks - I've never heard that word before but it is quite appropriate, isn't it? Glad you're on the mend!

Red, sounds like you learned a very important lesson about yourself. Don't feel disappointed or upset - feel happy that you finally accepted that you really do want an AF life & for all the right reasons! That's a big step that is not easy to take, I know! Good for you & by the way - staying out of the State Store has been a tremendous help for me. Around here there is no wine sold in supermarkets only in the State stores. I wish you the best on your AF goal

Greetings to everyone who stops by today, I'll be back later!

Lav