Ashamed ... again

[Ana]

:new:
I found this site a couple of weeks ago. Thought I'd get through the holidays, but no. I had too much wine last night and embarrassed myself.... again. Today, well it's 2:30 pm and I still feel a bit hungover. At least I can function. I guess I'm a best described as a binge drinker. I can go days, even weeks without drinking at all. I have cravings, but can usually abstain in everyday circumstances. Sometimes, I can drink one or two drinks and stop. If I get past two, well, that's why I'm here. I probably drink enough to be hungover about once every couple of months or so. Each time I remember the prior hangovers and think "I need to remember how bad I feel at this moment so I won't do this again." Obviously, that's not working. I'm professionally successful and physically fit, so it's been easy to deny that I have a problem. I have an alcoholic parent who went through traditional rehab years ago, while I did the Al-Anon thing. I didn't find a group when I moved. The environment really wasn't for me. I haven't bought the supplements or Rx yet. I'll download the book to read tonight. Tomorrow's New Year's Eve. My first challenge. If you're a praying person, please pray for me. . . .

[mandalay]

Ashamed ... again

Hi Ana

Welcome! I'm quite new here too. I think you will find lots of us can empathise with what you are going through at the moment. Just take heart, you are in the right place. And yes, I'll pray for you...

Mandalay

[Kimberley]

Ashamed ... again

Hi Ana, lots of us here understand. I don't pray but I'll think of you and hope.

[JackieClaire]

Ashamed ... again

:welcome: Ana,

You've made a huge step today by making your 1st post.
You've found a place with no judgement and masses of support.
We've all been in your shoes at one time or another. I try to keep within me the guilt and the shame to keep me on my toes.

Once I've had a drink I carried on into oblivion. I had no off switch.

Now I don't press start.

Hope to see more of you here.

J x

:l

[dora]

Ashamed ... again

Ana,

It sounds like you have very good insight into your problems and have a desire to sort them out before everything escalates.
I will be having a sober New Years Eve as well, do you have any plans? I am planning to watch a DVD and have an early night with the family. Good luck and you have made the first step by coming here!

Dora

[tawnywitch]

Ashamed ... again

ana, i wish you success, its good to be here, i too am trying to stop totally,new year seems like a good time to start, love and hugs tawnywitch,

[mario]

Ashamed ... again

welcome ana & mandalay,read as many posts as you can,they will help and show you that you are not alone, you will get lots of great advice and support here,good luck hope to see you both around.happy new year.

[MauMcL]

Ashamed ... again

Hi. You sound very similar to me. There are many times when I do not drink to excess. But for every 10 times I DON'T there is the one that I do, which leaves me feeling absolutely horrible about myself -- guilty, full of self-hatred, sick. I am now at a point where the 10 "OK" times are no longer worth the one invariably "out-of-control" night...Where I say things I can't remember, do things that I would never otherwise do, and even put myself in danger as I did on NYE. I FELL off the toilet and into the shower and hit my head. I am still watching myself to make sure I am OK and don't need a CAT scan. But I am horrified. I could have broken my neck or become a paraplegic. Or God knows what. I will pray for you...This is a problem that is chronic, progressive, and potentially fatal. It is not worth it. We must "stop" so we can live and be free & happy. You can do it, Ana. Best of luck. Keep the faith.

[poochpal]

Ashamed ... again

Wow, you sound like me. I can go for months with nothing and then all of a sudden I drink every other day. I am just tired of going through the whole cycle.