made to feel guilty

[Nigel P]

:new: : I have a partner whom i dearly love,but when she drinks she can't stop, then she passes out at any time or place. putting herself at risk from anybody who could take advantage of her.This conversation comes up allways before she is about to go out so in bringing this up i am the one made to feel guilty and putting her in a mood which forces her to drink and the story continues .

[gabby]

made to feel guilty

Nigel,
Do yourself and your partner a big favor and confront the situation. If immediate changes dont start to happen then be true to yourself before you give your life to her. Harsh but important. gabby

[spacie]

made to feel guilty

Hi,
Passing out any place and time is scary and dangerous. I don't have any answers but her drinking is not your fault. Whenever I drank socially I always made it home before passing out and probably wasn't as careful as I should have been. Perhaps next time you bring up her drinking try to convey your concern about her blackouts and how dangerous that can be for her. Does she think her drinking is a problem or her blacking out?
spacie

[Nigel P]

made to feel guilty

Thanks to both of you ,at last someone to talk to about this ,she has on many occasions thanked me for making her aware of the situations she has put herself in when she passes out so a step in the right direction you might think , but the same old answer the sheer fact that i worry when she goes out on a session with mates or with me in a smaller group makes her want to drink more. Often getting her own in between the normal pace of social drinking and ordering two drinks for herself at last orders.When she is in a sober state which is most of the time, so she would be cast as a binge drinker,if i try to bring the subject of what she remembers after the fact, it gets turned around that im the one who needs help in dealing with the way she drinks.so a blazing row ensues.not good and not healthy getting her to a doctor is a no no its affecting our friends who no longer want to be with us as a couple .There is so much more that goes along with this drinking and i dont know what to do ? Nigel P

[goingsobermum]

made to feel guilty

Hi Nigel,
It sounds like you're in a tough situation and that you and especially your partner need help. As Gabby says the situation needs to be confronted, it is harming both of you. She won't be happy about it, none of us with a problem have liked it mentioned to us but it sinks in. Hopefully she will ask for some help, that may take time.
She'll only change when and if she is ready, you can't make her. This is where it gets tough as she needs to know you'll help when she is ready but at the same time you can't carry the can and be there to carry her home all the time. What does she think of you if she does? There may have to be a limit to how long you can wait for her to make the change.
My Mum did that for my Dad for years, if he passed out in the downstairs loo and she covered him with a blanket then he'd rage in the morning that she hadn't carried him to bed! She stayed for years for us kids till she bravely left. He is still drinking now, 25 years later.
Sorry to sound harsh, but you need to think about your future.
Love from
Suz