Ready to Try too! SAHM deserves to quit

[DisEase]

Hi Ready, your post inspired me. I am new too and figure now is as good a time as ever to introduce myself. I am also a SAHM (4 year old girl and 6 year old boy) who really loved working and her career. Though I wouldn't change being at home with the kids for anything, I can dream some days, can't I!?!?! My drink of choice (as is my hubby's) is wine. Lots and lots of wine. Only at night. After my little ones have gone to bed. Ahhh, that is one of my favorite times of the day!!! I try and not drink before they are in bed because then all of the sudden the bedtime routine goes out the window and they are up way past when they should be. I get so LAXED when I drink and I know that is not good for the kids. To be honest, they are the only reason I am able to keep any limits at all on my drinking (someone has to get them up and ready for school, right!?!?!). I swear they have kept me from plunging even deeper in the AL. My hubby and I always drank together, he still does till he passes out each night, and though I would like to also (and do sometimes) once we had the kids, well as I said before, they are the ones that have probably prevented me from having nightly blackouts and daily hangovers. Someone has to take care of the kids!!!!

It is hard to not drink in our home. My hubby is an alcoholic too. He drinks daily with no desire to stop. He also likes to encourage me (or anyone!) to drink with him and I always give in to him in the end - because I am a drunk and really want to drink! We are also the go to place. Having a fight with your wife, come over and have a drink! Got a new job, come on over for some celebratory cocktails. Your mom passed away - come over we will drink and cry and then drink some more. I have no one to blame but myself for setting things up this way. It is just that I am drinking more and more when I drink and it isn't working for the rest of my lifestyle now. I have carpool in the AM and kids with a 7:30 bedtime. Something has to give! And AL is definitely getting in the way!

I have gone AF several times, but never for longer than a few months. And never really with the intention of quitting forever. I just wish I could stop at 2 or 3 glasses. But I never can. I ordered some naltrexone last week. Think I am a good fit for The Sinclair Method. Little nervous, I never take so much as aspirin, but I always seem to drink more than I intend to, so I am going to give this method a try. Have had 9 AF days since the new year began - man it feels GREAT!!!! Looking forward to what the future brings. The kids and I deserve to have AL removed from the center of my world. Every night it is, "Can I drink tonight? What is on the schedule tomorrow? Can I afford to be hung over or un-showered and in sweats when I drop the kids at school?" And as you probably all know, I am not patient, or fun, or even half-way present when I am going through the motions with the kids after a drinking night. They deserve better and so do I.

Funny, but I use to be fun when I drank. Now I am just a tired, old, grumpy, impatient, pathetic mother with red eyes (caring 10 extra lbs) - when I drink. YUCK!!!!!

[jessie]

Ready to Try too! SAHM deserves to quit

Dear Disease, I note that you say you have been AF several times. I should post this on general - but google "withdrawal from alcohol, kindling syndrome" I've been more than 2 years on this forum, and never heard it mentioned. But it is scary, very-very scary. Stopping and starting repeatedly do way more damage then I ever knew.
But you seem determined. Good luck.

[Sky]

Ready to Try too! SAHM deserves to quit

DisEase, please remember that you may still be over the legal limit for driving when you take the kids to school. It takes an hour for a standard size drink - wine is 100ml - to get out of your system.

[evergreen]

Ready to Try too! SAHM deserves to quit

DisEas, 9 days!! Well done!! I have quit before for short times only to restart. I have read that on average it takes several tries for many to quit permanently. Gives me some hope . . . . but I, for one, am discouraged!! Keep up the good work, remembering how great you feel and how wonderful it is to be there for your kids - they grow up fast!!!!!

[ChickenNumber3]

Ready to Try too! SAHM deserves to quit

DisEase!

I am so with you about the kids keeping you from sinking lower. I am in the same situation, and what you said about not being a fun,happy,patient Mum is so very true! So now we owe it to them and ourselves to get better! I do not want them to remember me as their alcoholic Mum! To be ashamed of me, or embarrassed by me as they grow up. And I DO NOT want them to learn this sad behaviour of mine!

All the best,
Chook

[Ready to try]

Ready to Try too! SAHM deserves to quit

DisEase....your reply post inspires me as well. I am so selfish by nature and this is very hard for me. Sounds like we have alot in common and can help one another. You are better at it than me it sounds since I don't wait til they go to bed. I do manage to get my 8 year old off to school...some mornings are easier than others.

[DisEase]

Ready to Try too! SAHM deserves to quit

Ready, I was talking to a friend last year, complaining about how exhausted I was at night and how tough bedtime routine was for me. She told me to just pour a glass of wine, that at her house bedtime (cocktail time) is something she looks forward to : ) I explained how I didn't want the kids to always remember mommy walking around with a glass of wine in her hand and she said the FUNNIEST thing to me. She said, "Well don't put it in a wine glass silly, put it in a tumbler!!!! ".

Actually if someone is over, I will drink before the kids are down (cuz I am a drunk and will use any excuse!). But as I said earlier, on those nights I just hate how laxed I get with the kids, their bedtime will slip, I will let them eat something even after they have brushed their teeth, I will let them watch tv which I don't do during the week. I know how hard it is on them when I am inconsistent, so I really hate when I bend the rules just cuz I have started drinking. It may not sound like a big deal to some but it is all symbolic of the rules and promises I break to them and to ME when I start drinking. It is so stupid that I do that! But waiting until they are down is sometimes tough on them cuz some nights I just want a drink so bad I will snap at the kids for getting up for "one more glass of water" or "to go potty" or whatever. I remember watching Mommy Dearest way back when and wondering why in the heck the little girl was strapped in her bed. Didn't get it until I had children of my own. OF COURSE, to keep the darn kids from getting out of bed a bizillion times!

And btw, the few "rules" I have would eventually be broken if I continue to drink since it seems that we alcoholics just get worse over time. I promise myself all the time that I will stop at 2 or 3 glass, and then can always talk myself out of that when I am at the 2 or 3. It is nutty! It is not the quantity, I guess, it is the fact that I AM NOT IN CONTROL ENOUGH TO CHOOSE TO STOP. It could be 1 or 5 or 10. The fact that I can't stop once I have started is crazy! Makes no sense whatsoever, well it didn't until I accepted that I am an alcoholic. It is like I can't give myself or the kids my sobriety on my own because it is not something I posses. If I don't have it, how can I give it? The answer, I don't know, but I am going to stay engaged with this site, I am going to enjoy AF days weekly, take Nal when I do feel the desire to drink, and I am going to remind myself daily that the kids don't deserve to see me have to hit some kind of low or bottom before I seek help and work towards changing my drinking habits.