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**Chocolate Mousse** · January 18, 2010, 05:55 AM

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Welcome

Hi Leaveinsilence

I am sorry to hear your husband is acting the way he does! I have been lurking here for sometime before I started to adding any input. Early days for me but here's hoping for us all:l

cm xxx

**leaveinsilence** · January 18, 2010, 06:19 AM

Ok this is me..

Thank you for replying... right now I'm here sobbing my eyes out.. someone is hearing me...

it knocked me for six realising my h/b loved holding my drinking for his own means..something I guess I'd known for a while..

**jessie** · January 18, 2010, 06:33 AM

Ok this is me..

:welcome:Hi Leaveinsilence,
It must be a highly stressful situation for you and must make it more difficult then I can imagine, but I can sense your disappointment. Here at MWO you'll find lots of support and no judging. Keep reading and posting as much as you can.
If you kick the AL beast off your back you'll score double. First and foremost you'll have your self respect
back, and secondly, hubby will have lost his trump card.
Go for this with everything you've got. You can do it. You are not hopeless.

**Cinders** · January 18, 2010, 06:35 AM

Ok this is me..

Leaveinsilence,

Welcome.

Things get wrapped up all in one big mess when it comes to our relationships and alcohol.

Separate them out. Try to intellectualize why what he does has no effect on what actions you take. Only you can be responsible for what you do.

I wish you much success in your journey to a good, sober life. You can do it.

Cindi

**leaveinsilence** · January 18, 2010, 06:51 AM

Ok this is me..

Thank you:h

right now I'm pretty fragile.. and h/b will be home in a while... and I know what will happen, he'll pick up the wine I opened last night.. make a comment about me opening it and then pour himself a glass, offer me one knowing I really want one but can't.. I have the kids to look after when they come home from school and I have a class tonight

**JackieClaire** · January 18, 2010, 07:06 AM

Ok this is me..

:welcome: leaveinsilence,

We're listening.
Just say no to the drink, leave early for the class. Get some fresh air.

Try telling him you feel really uncomfortable about the amount you are both drinking. Do it before he gets the bottle out and pours himself a drink.

Getting alcohol out of your own life is very doable and it's your journey and yours alone. He has to make his own choice.

Take care. Be strong.

Wishing you all the luck in the world.

J x

:l

**leaveinsilence** · January 18, 2010, 07:18 AM

Ok this is me..

Thank you

:h

I know I won't drink when he comes home, I have the kids to think about.. but I'm already thinking about getting more wine for after my class tonight.. I KNOW i shouldn't but already my mind is there, even though I want to stop so much.. I guess it's the morning wine telling me I need more tonight:upset:

**leaveinsilence** · January 18, 2010, 07:31 AM

Ok this is me..

JackieClaire;792363 wrote: :

Try telling him you feel really uncomfortable about the amount you are both drinking. Do it before he gets the bottle out and pours himself a drink.

:l

I wish I could but right now I can't.. whilst I'm drinking he's the one in control.. he's the one who throws it all back at me...

Thank you for your words:l:l

**mollyka** · January 18, 2010, 07:34 AM

Ok this is me..

Definitely seperate your problems, him and Al. I have the same two problems Al the same but husband directly different. He is taking complete control of my drinking, I am Al 11 days at the moment but not really for me at the moment its really for him and I know long term thats not going to work and will blow up in my face when I rebel against his controlling. Your h/b is being an arsehole, to a certain extent actually he is probably also controlling you but for different reasons, he probably doesn't want you to get control over your life and wants you to be a puppet. Look Al is the real issue here. Its your body and your decision, he can't pour it down your neck, I know that sounds easy, but he would make me so mad I would avoid Al just to annoy him!! I'm cross and anti-men at the moment so sorry if I sound a bit harsh really don't mean to be, stick with us here, these people are saving my life at the moment, I have no other friends, we will mind you

**greeneyes** · January 18, 2010, 08:47 AM

Ok this is me..

Hello leaveinsilence and welcome.

You are in charge of you. He can only control you if you let him. You have to resist your own urges and that includes using him offering wine as an excuse. Can both of you stop drinking and not have it in the house? Have you read the toolbox thread? I'll post the link for you. It is at the top of the monthly abstinance section for future reference.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

Best to you in your journey.

**savon19** · January 18, 2010, 09:30 AM

Ok this is me..

Gosh, Leave... that's really too bad your husband isn't supportive. I started to say "more" supportive, but it doesn't sound like he is at ALL.

Wouldn't it be Great if the next time he offers you wine you say: NO THANK YOU!

You DO have the power to do that - and it would be SO worth it to see his face Then.

**The New Me** · January 18, 2010, 11:01 AM

Ok this is me..

Leave,
This is pretty heady stuff - I have been in a similar situation. A person who drinks is much easier to control becasue of the guilt we feel. Soon enough you may have a hard time separating the isues and will cave in to hubby becasue the drink will not allow you to stand up for yourself. And he knows that too.
But, his behavior may have a lot to do with his own drinking - in a preverse way, a drinker feels better when someone around him has even less control than he does. Do not let him put you in this position. Drinking is not a synchronized sport - let him drink alone and see how much power you will get from saying "NO" to him and AL.
Just do it once and see how you feel.

**Hippy Chick** · January 18, 2010, 08:41 PM

Ok this is me..

Hi L.I.S
I have only 12 days of no alcohol and at the start my husband was offering me a drink and I was really annoyed with him although he was offering it to be polite and not to control me and give me even more guilt than I already felt - which is what sound like your husband is doing. He continued to ask me and after about the fourth time, I went to him, got right in his face, looked him in the eye and said " I know you are just being polite however I DO NOT WANT A DRINK and please dont ask me again". I felt so powerful after that it really gave me a boost.
Please dont give up. Keep visiting this site - I find myself coming here four or five times a day and get so much support from reading others posts. You are not alone.
HC

**leaveinsilence** · January 19, 2010, 09:48 AM

Ok this is me..

Thank you for all your supportive posts, I spent a lot of time crying and in the chatroom last night trying to keep distracted.

Today is my first full AF free day, I'm not feeling too bad at the moment, thanks to the lovely person who PM'd me for a chat as soon as I logged in this morning.....helped me face a few truths thanks SG:l

I walked into town rather than go to the local shop where there alcohol display is right next to the check out, bought some L glutamine tabs and another couple of sups I saw other people say they use. Another hour or so and it'll be getting to close to the time I usually start drinking, so I'm going to try a distraction of some kind..

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