Well, after my first post when I felt completely dejected and lost, and then receiving such empathy and support here, I was determined to free myself.
Day 3 was the hardest, but thankfully, no severe withdrawal symptoms, just a bad headache and some lingering fear it might get worse. I've been doing the cds and the supplements which seem to help, or it may be placebo effect, but whatever works. Funny, at first with the cds, I thought, I don't have the time to lie around imagining going down escalators and elevators, but really, if I have time to lie around sloshed, then I certainly have the time to get myself on a better road. And in the end, I have found them to be relaxing even if I am not certain I am really hypnotized, and I am calmer and and more centered. Even my cats seem calmer and happier! I've gotten some additional meditation and relaxation cds too in case I get bored.
Last night I had a dinner party, and the guests brought wine of course. I had a small glass, around 3 oz., and had poured another, but didn't touch it. So, I'm trying not to see it as a failure, but maybe even a positive? Usually, if I have any especially after a period of A/F, I go down that crazy line of thinking what the heck, I already had some, might as well have more, and end up with two bottles+ down the hatch, and feeling miserable and out of control and drinking the next day, the next week, the next month, ad infinitum. But after the guests left, instead of raiding the the leftover wine, I made myself a nice lavender bubble bath, popped in a cd, read a little, and went to bed. And I feel good today.
So thanks to all of you MYO-ers, for being there for me and everyone else at their lowest, as well as being there to celebrate the small and large victories.
:thanks:
Day 3 was the hardest, but thankfully, no severe withdrawal symptoms, just a bad headache and some lingering fear it might get worse. I've been doing the cds and the supplements which seem to help, or it may be placebo effect, but whatever works. Funny, at first with the cds, I thought, I don't have the time to lie around imagining going down escalators and elevators, but really, if I have time to lie around sloshed, then I certainly have the time to get myself on a better road. And in the end, I have found them to be relaxing even if I am not certain I am really hypnotized, and I am calmer and and more centered. Even my cats seem calmer and happier! I've gotten some additional meditation and relaxation cds too in case I get bored.
Last night I had a dinner party, and the guests brought wine of course. I had a small glass, around 3 oz., and had poured another, but didn't touch it. So, I'm trying not to see it as a failure, but maybe even a positive? Usually, if I have any especially after a period of A/F, I go down that crazy line of thinking what the heck, I already had some, might as well have more, and end up with two bottles+ down the hatch, and feeling miserable and out of control and drinking the next day, the next week, the next month, ad infinitum. But after the guests left, instead of raiding the the leftover wine, I made myself a nice lavender bubble bath, popped in a cd, read a little, and went to bed. And I feel good today.
So thanks to all of you MYO-ers, for being there for me and everyone else at their lowest, as well as being there to celebrate the small and large victories.
:thanks:
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