Are all addictions created equal?

[Camrock]

New here. I've been reading up till now. Got a lovely PM from someone the 1st day I created an account, but I think my neediness scared her off. UNDERSTANDABLE...

Just got out of the shower and it occurred to me that all I think about is alcohol. I want it - I hate it - don't drink it - are you going to drink today - it's the only way you can sleep - it will quiet the voices - it will soothe the lonliness and of course, I realize that alcohol is the reason for these being my only thoughts in the 1st place.

I saw a couple of familiar taglines from another forum I signed on to over a year ago. It was a woman's only place. I thought it would be a kinder, gentler forum but it was a little like climbing into the ring at the WWE! Like Bette Davis and NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!!! I ran screaming for the door and never looked back.

Needless to say that no one knows how pathetic I am more than me, and everyone else in my life has already handed me my "Loser of the Year" award, but I wasn't quite prepared for the verbal evisceration. I'm go'in out on a limb here once again. Play Nice!!!

So my questions: How did you pick your meds? Will Kudzu and L-Glutamine help enough on their own? AND...Tiger Woods is in sex addiction rehab so he can learn how to enjoy sex again like a normal person??? Sounded to me like he was enjoying the HECK out of sex. If he can learn control - is their hope for all of us - or is it because we use chemicals for our physiological fixes? Maybe I should try sex addiction? Maybe I would be better at it. Learn to moderate. Hubby would love it - HAH!

Briefly, (as I've seen some irritated comments about long posts - which is probably something I'd say when I was drunk been drinking since the day I was born. Parents owned a bar. We lived above it. Mom made our medicine out of whiskey, honey and lemon juice and we got a spoonful whenever she needed to sedate us. She affectionately referred to it as our 'Nerve Medicine'. It was always OK to drink when I was growing up. Dad even bought me my own little Pabst tap glass and a miniature bar stool - Ahhh...
Did I mention they compensated by making us go to mass every morning? That's one addiction I've overcome. I don't drink the Kool-Aid anymore!!!

Been doin the dance my whole life. Got bad in my late 30's. Quit when I was 40 - well hubby told me to pick him or it. He drinks daily - mother was an AL - God Bless her, she was the nastiest woman I've ever met - but she got to drink her Korbel and smoke her Lucky Strikes until she was 84 and then just dropped dead. Husband HATED her. He hated the label. It is a great badge of shame in his eyes and indeed it is. So, at 40, he quit with me for about 3 months, just to get me over the hump and then he started again, which didn't bother me in the least and I went for about 2.5 years. It was a festive time in our lives. Only daughter getting married. Son gets a scholarship to a private school out of state. Lots of parties and merriment and hubby ASSURES me that I was never really an AL, but was just going through a rough patch and I was all better and nothing like his mother. I had a Jamaican Rum. It felt like a take-it-or-leave-it moment. It was not.

I will be 50 in a few months here. Hot Flashes & Night Sweats & Depression - OH MY! Daughter's new husband got himself a girlfiend and took a liking to throwing her around. Son lost his scholarship because he didn't realize that going to classes was a key factor in keeping it. Middle son has Down Syndrome and Autism and fused hips - just another gift he got from the heavens - and he exits high school at age 21 with a pretty fair amount of odd jobs, but the economy tanks and businesses close and he has no where to go anymore so I am forced to quit a job I LOVE to stay home with him all day. And no, he is not eligible for housing (waiting list is 15 years) and NO, no one lining up to help out.

So...we sit around alone together all day. He watches movies and sings and plays with marbles and I drink - pretty much as soon as hubby leaves for work. I was endeared by the Royal Crown guys story. Being a stay-at-home-full-time-caregiver has made me feel like a starved, caged, junk-yard dog who's being poked with a stick over and over and over. Or maybe it's the booze. Can anyone say LONELY??? Thanks for reading. XOX

[ready2change]

Are all addictions created equal?

Welcome!

Hi Camrock :welcome: I am sorry about all stuff going on in your life right now. It sounds like you have had your share. It sounded like your alcohol free time went well for you?

I know it might sound difficult right now, but think about that time and how life was and how good you felt. I'm 52 and I am going thru the same hormonal things as you describe. I am "fortunate" that along with all the usual menopausal issues, I also have developed an intolerance for alcohol. My body understands this and revolts accordingly if I put ANY al in me. But my brain is another issue, it doesn't quite "get it", yet anyways.

So please stick around and post, there are some great, caring people here.

I wish all the best for you.:l:l

R2C

[Montana Mommy]

Are all addictions created equal?

great post. You can IM me anytime. You wont scare me off, hehe!!
Tam

[Lavande]

Are all addictions created equal?

Hi Camrock,

Welcome to MWO, this is a good place!
You can make your posts as long as you like - you're just supposed to warn people to get a sandwich first

Please don't waste your time wondering about other people's addictions & their cures. I believe each & everyone of us are unique & we do need to find our own way. BUT, to get started (if you haven't already):
Download & read the MWO book, it has lots of info.
Look in the Tool box (located in the Monthly Abstinence section) for good ideas for your Plan.
You are not required to use any meds to quit drinking - I didn't use any. I didn't even use the suggested supplements, I had my own.
I do highly recommend the Hypnotherapy CDs though......they were a big help!
Stay close to MWO, read & post a lot. Drop in the Newbies Nest thread for support.

You can't scare me off either - look at the size of me, ha ha!

Is there any way you can get someone to come in & stay with your son a few hours/week? You really need some ME time to get out & clear your head.....take a walk, take a class, whatever?
Feel free to PM me anytime.

Wishing you the best, commit yourself - you can do it!
Lav

[looking for peace]

Are all addictions created equal?

Camrock, you sound like you have been through alot. I can relate to some of your story. I am your age and also have an autistic son who is 15. I feel so tied to my house. He does go to school everyday, but I still have to get "babysitters/caregivers" to come a few hours I week so I can get out. Just when all of my friends with kids the same age as my children are looking toward their new phase of life by getting jobs, traveling, etc. I realize I will never be able to do any of that because I will be a caregiver for the rest of my life. People just don't understand what it's like not to be able to leave your house whenever you want, even though you have older kids. I try not to think about that too much, but it sucks.

I am dreading his turning 21. So all of this staying at home, thinking life isn't fair doesn't make it easy to avoid alcohol (so for the most part I don't)

Somehow I have to turn this around. If you ever want to PM me, please do. We could support each other

[hart]

Are all addictions created equal?

Hey Camrock. :welcome: I think I will like you, u are smart and funny and a little bit crazy...BOY can I relate.

I've got one question (before a whole slew of them). Why do you want to stop drinking....or do you?

[Camrock]

Are all addictions created equal?

I want to stop drinking because of the way the man I married looks at me when he leaves for work and when he gets home from work. I want to stop drinking because I cannot look at myself in a mirror any more, and when I do - I ain't much to look at.
I want to stop drinking because I don't get hungry anymore and food doesn't sound or taste good. I want to stop drinking cause I used to have the determination to lift cars off small children and now I don't have the energy to lift my own a$$ off the couch.
I want to stop drinking so my obit doesn't read that I died because of it. Oh - it wouldn't hurt me, but my kids would want to crawl under a rock. I want to stop drinking because I need to out-live my disabled son. He won't understand where I've gone.
I want to stop drinking cause I want to stop feeling hate and rage and sadness. I want to stop drinking so I can remember phone calls and conversation and stop alienating everyone with my slurred remarks. When I tell my husband I do it to kill the lonliness, he says he can't imaging anything more lonely than being black-out drunk all day. He does not believe in addictions. I want to stop drinking because I lost both my parents quite young and it has SUCKED, as I have stated, raising myself and feeling my way through life in the dark. However, if Mom & Dad were still alive, we'd probably still be having X-mas dinner on the pool table in the bar, you know...kinda like the Beverly Hillbillys!

Thanks to all who took the time to say Hi and offer some kind words and support and for all your offers of private messaging. I did read the book several years ago. I cannot be a moderator. I pray every weekend that it can be a new start as I won't drink today cause the family will be here and I will have a purpose. That's why hubby says there is no such thing as addiction - cause I don't have to do it on the weekends - except in the early evenings with him when he starts, and he will even offer to pour it for me. I'm confused.

[Tiny]

Are all addictions created equal?

Hi Camrock! Feel free to PM me too ...

You are in a good place here ...

[willow20]

Are all addictions created equal?

hi cam that is a hard story. my sister in law grew up next to the bar her family owned. they are all struggling to put together their ruined lives. One time the mother was following the dad who was in a car with a woman he was cheating with. the mother's car crashed and the father saw it and kept right on going.

[MommyDearest72]

Are all addictions created equal?

Good Morning Cam... Its only a suggestion ,but is it possible for your son to be in an adult day-program? Just so you get some space and he gets some time also...

[stirly-girly]

Are all addictions created equal?

Camrock;794819 wrote:

New here. I've been reading up till now. Got a lovely PM from someone the 1st day I created an account, but I think my neediness scared her off. UNDERSTANDABLE...

I want to stop drinking because of the way the man I married looks at me when he leaves for work and when he gets home from work. I want to stop drinking because I cannot look at myself in a mirror any more, and when I do - I ain't much to look at.
I want to stop drinking because I don't get hungry anymore and food doesn't sound or taste good. I want to stop drinking cause I used to have the determination to lift cars off small children and now I don't have the energy to lift my own a$$ off the couch.
I want to stop drinking so my obit doesn't read that I died because of it. Oh - it wouldn't hurt me, but my kids would want to crawl under a rock. I want to stop drinking because I need to out-live my disabled son. He won't understand where I've gone.
I want to stop drinking cause I want to stop feeling hate and rage and sadness. I want to stop drinking so I can remember phone calls and conversation and stop alienating everyone with my slurred remarks. When I tell my husband I do it to kill the loneliness, he says he can't imaging anything more lonely than being black-out drunk all day.
Thanks to all who took the time to say Hi and offer some kind words and support and for all your offers of private messaging. I did read the book several years ago. I cannot be a moderator. I pray every weekend that it can be a new start as I won't drink today cause the family will be here and I will have a purpose. That's why hubby says there is no such thing as addiction - cause I don't have to do it on the weekends - except in the early evenings with him when he starts, and he will even offer to pour it for me. I'm confused.

Hi Cam.
Have just now read your thread and am glad to see that you are posting. Writing things down can help let the frustration out, if even just for a while.
Life has certainly dished you out more than your fair share of difficult circumstances. I can understand your feelings of anger and sadness. Anyone in your situation would feel the same way. But the truth is that alcohol doesn't change anything. It may numb you each day and help you cope with the hurdles you face but you will always wake up the next morning and the problems will still be there. If you can be strong enough to face the issue of alcohol and stop drinking, you will have conquered at least one of those problems and you will see that some of the others will solve themselves. First and foremost, the way you look at yourself. You will not look in the mirror and see someone you don't recognize anymore. You will see the real you and not the person hidden under layers of booze, blackouts, confusion, and loneliness. The real you will slowly emerge and you will regain your strength and determination. You will see your real face in the mirror and others will see it as well. You say you want to do this for your son. Of course you do. You sound like a very caring mother. But you have to do this for yourself first and foremost. To find your own self there where it has been buried for so long.
You read this and you say - what does she know? She sits there and writes the proper words and fitting phrases like it's so easy to stop drinking, to stop blocking out all this sh## I have to face everyday. What could she possibly understand about how difficult it is for me? I can't. But I believe what I've written. You are a very intelligent woman. And with a sharp sense of humor. I can tell by the way you write. You want to face your problem with alcohol and overcome it. Otherwise you wouldn't have joined MWO and you wouldn't have bothered to post. There has been lots of good advice and encouragement written in this thread. MommyDearest suggested you look into some kind of day program for your son. I hope that there is something like that available where you live even tho' I am sure that if there was, you would have already found out about it.
I don't want to tire you with my post. I just wanted to state again that there are many people here who will do what we can to help you find your way towards being healthy again. To get out from under the tremendous weight of alcohol and how it affects our every single breath and thought when we drink. You can do this. You've already done it in the past. I wish you strength.
Stirly
P.S. Neediness never scared anyone away - just makes them want to help even more. Sarcasm is what sends us scurrying for shelter.