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    #31
    I want to save my life...

    You're right fluff,
    I was a bit confused too,I think Trish is missing something
    It could be worse, I could be filing.
    AF since 7/7/2009

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      #32
      I want to save my life...

      :welcome:Hi Audrey, welcome here. Jackie, yes, she mentioned that both her parents were doctors, maybe they have both passed away. Anyway she needs support and that is all that matters. Trish, I do understand your doubts though, but cultures very greatly and maybe it is OK in their culture to say that they are very attractive and sensual...in ours we would never do that unless it was in those smal adds on the secong last page. But let's give her the benefit of the doubt.
      make the least of the worst, and the most of the best - everyday.

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        #33
        I want to save my life...

        sorry about the spelling mistakes, I have a new keyboard. ...cultures vary greatly, ...second last page.
        make the least of the worst, and the most of the best - everyday.

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          #34
          I want to save my life...

          Hi and thank you to everybody for support!!! 2nd day without AL..I hope today be strong too and to “fall again”..Slept quite well, with one interruption at 4 a.m., but then fall asleep again till 8 a.m. Feel a little bit nervous to go out, because at home i don’t have AL, so no temptation..Probably will try to go to yoga at 6 p.m. – the most dangerous time...
          Hi Trish!!! Yes, i got angry, reading your post!!! But sometimes anger can be constructive..Maybe i have to be more aggressive.. But I’ll answer you more detailed.
          1. You didn’t offend me but my parents. My father passed away 11.5 years ago, my mother died last September which is still painful.. When i was born, my mother was 40, my father 50 years old. They both were damaged by 2nd War and Soviet regime, but anyway they managed to be good doctors and my father was a professor in an institute of Medicine. I never lived together with my dad but i don’t judge him..I love my parents both.
          2. I have very smart and talented 17 years old daughter with whom i can discuss about art, literature, movies, existentialism etc She’s writing poetry, maybe going to publish like i did when i was in her age. I wish she’ll go to study abroad and build her life happy.
          3. My background it’s not so successful but i have 2 higher educations and knowledge of 5 languages (Latvian, German, English (i didn’t study at school, so my German is better), Russian and a little bit Italian), so i never thought, that I’ll base my life on advantages of my appearance. And i’m not so beautiful as my mother was – she was extremely beautiful.. It not come to my heirdom
          4. Thanks jessie for comment about possible differences and understandings in various cultures!!! Yes in our culture appearance is relevant but not as much as in Italy and Spain were i lived for two years...In our country the role plays a demographical problem too – in a range of my age you can find probably one normal man per 5 women..They (man!!!) are already dead, total alcoholics, who aren’t looking for a help, married or hopeless boring... Sorry..
          I don’t like to base relationship only on a physical attraction..i know that i need a person with whom i can talk, argue, discuss..And normal and intelligent man likes not only my appearance but my intellect, intelligence, manners. My last relationship is in harmony and balance and i’m happy about it.
          The only problem is my alcoholism. It damages my brain, my appearance, my relationships, my career, my vital capacity etc. That’s why i’m here and thankful to everybody who wrote me!!! Yes Trish – to you too!!! It was good!!!
          The time for action is now. It's never too late to do something.
          /Antoine de Saint-Exupery/

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            #35
            I want to save my life...

            Audrey14;797608 wrote: I start my 1st day without al... First thing to do is to read your letters again, drink coffee and to listen my relaxation - hypnosis cd which i downloaded..I have goal to be strong and start...
            Hi and :welcome: from me 2. Wow, I didn't realize that I could download the CD's. I'll have to look into that. Good luck.
            Stirly
            For every 60 seconds that you are angry, you lose a minute of happiness.
            AF since 10/10/2015:yay:

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              #36
              I want to save my life...

              congrats audrey14 , 2 days is like 10 years, ask anyone with an alchohol problem , keep it up,the 10 years is how many years ive been trying,it is easy for some to stop,me inluded,staying stopped my dear is the answer,and asking if ,one really wants to,take the comments people make in stride,remember where theyve been.your doing great gyco

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                #37
                I want to save my life...

                My 2nd day was more hard for me than 1st without AL..Nervous, anxious, muscles were tense... Took bath with rose salt, tried to keep me busy..Went out..- 10, nasty weather, just had one tought - wine, red wine.. Tried to go for a relax in solarium..My girlfriend called me to invite to meet her french boyfriend who arrived today from France.. Could be nice, but i knew that french people like to drink wine (i'm wandering how they manage not to become alchoholics, but maybe they are..or they have different tolerance) and i wouldn't resist..
                Went to local supermarket with only one wish in mind..But than i started inner dialoge and i convinced myself to buy better and more expensive food and save money for not buying wine (my budget at the moment is very tight..) At home...Made dinner, drunk water, yes before dinner ate some junk food which i normally don't do. But i wanted despairingly eat something like chips and spanish Fuet..Now i feel less stressed because is 22.37 local time and no temptation to outside in darkness and cold.
                My boyfriend has a urgent work and he's not coming to meet me but i'll survive..i hope..So, holiday i'll spend alone (my daughter has her own life, of course she'll be with me too) and i'm very, very afraid of relapse... Good night or good morning (depending of location) to everybody!!! Going to watch "Roman holiday" with Audrey Hepbern.. Yes, that's why i choose my nickname I have "Hepbern period"...
                The time for action is now. It's never too late to do something.
                /Antoine de Saint-Exupery/

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                  #38
                  I want to save my life...

                  Hi everybody!!
                  Day 3..Slept quite well from 2 a.m. till 8 a.m. Wanted more but woke up with toughts in my mind..Today is my daughter's Name's day, so i'll try to keep myself busy.. we 'll have nice breakfast, art exibition and some cappuccino.. Later she's having her friends, so no celebration wih adults and no way to yeald to temptation..
                  The time for action is now. It's never too late to do something.
                  /Antoine de Saint-Exupery/

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                    #39
                    I want to save my life...

                    hi Audrey,
                    What a lovely day you've got planned.

                    Can I ask what a 'Name's day' is. Is it like a saints day?

                    J x

                    :l
                    It could be worse, I could be filing.
                    AF since 7/7/2009

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                      #40
                      I want to save my life...

                      Audrey,

                      You are doing fabulously!!

                      We are all afraid of relapse. It is a scary place to go, we know what will happen.

                      You are in early days, yet, but soon they will pile up and with each day, it will get easier and easier.

                      Hang in there, keep fighting and you will beat this disease.

                      I hope you can read some more posts and learn from others who have succeeded. There are some incredibly inspirational stories here.

                      The Tool Box is a list of posts about different ways people use to deal with cravings.

                      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

                      Our very inspiration Doggygirl's journal:

                      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f8...tml#post798685

                      I hope these help.

                      Love,
                      Cindi
                      AF April 9, 2016

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                        #41
                        I want to save my life...

                        hi audrey14,impressive,day 3,did you ever think something could be so incrediably hard,i like what you said about your friends,are they or arent they like you,most people can pik us out,were the ones tht are at parties tht cant put the cork on the bottle,or the ones tht aare more tipsy,cause we run out and hide and take a drink else where ,there are many more lines i could write down,were different and we no it, ?. as cinders said your doing great ! the old saying,one day at a time , even one minute at a time,over the next few days youll start feeling much better,youll get a glow about you,without the drink,then you have to figure out how to keep it,tht my dear is when the work begins,you have to want it, utilise this site and the people,thts the answer,i wish you well gyco

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                          #42
                          I want to save my life...

                          just had one tought - wine, red wine...

                          I am with you on that, one thought and it can be so loud!! Good Luck, wishing you strength and lots of AF days.

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                            #43
                            I want to save my life...

                            When that one thought is 'wine, red wine...........' try not to think about the admittedly nice first glass, think about the 3rd or 4th glass or the inevitable 2nd bottle or whatever is the point you personally stop feeling wonderful and start not being able to stop and the beast has taken over, and the day is ruined and your AF days are gone, just a thought - works for me
                            Molly
                            Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
                            contentedly NF since 8/04/14

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                              #44
                              I want to save my life...

                              day 4,hi audrey14.dam im sober and i mixed up the threads this morning,hahaha,well i wish you well my dear ,keep up the great work,remember theres no such thing as failure gyco

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                                #45
                                I want to save my life...

                                :goodjob:Hi Audrey, you are doing great...! During my first years after acknowledging the problem I seldom got any further then a couple of days and then the "thoughts" won. So you are one strong and determined lady.
                                So sorry about your mom. My brother passed away August last year and it was very painful as he was my favorite sibling - losing a mother must be so much worse.
                                So I hope you have a wonderful life waiting in the close future.:l
                                make the least of the worst, and the most of the best - everyday.

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