I want to save my life...

[Audrey14]

I want to save my life...

Hi jessie. Gyco, mollyka...!!! Thank you very much for encouraging words!!! Yes, i read them saturtday night when i was already drunken 1/2 bottle of wine...Till 6 p.m. my Day 3 was wonderful, my daughter's names day, i met my girlfriend with french man, drunk only cappuccino and had nice talk, went to poetry reading to support my daughter..And than i was alone..My daughter went out after with her friends, slept over in girlfriend's house, my boyfriend didn't come etc.. i know they all are just exuses..And after reading your posts i felt like i broke some rule, like i was unfaitful to my friends in MWO, i had fear that you will jugde me..i know it's stupid, i'm fooling myself..Yestarday i had mild hungover (because of course saturtday night i finished a bottle of wine...) and at dinner time drunk small bottle of wine (375ml)...Today is my 1st Day again.. my face is not 'very fresh", under-eye bags, "foggy head", so to speak not clear mind as those 2 wonderful mornings after beeing sober... So, i start from zero again...Have many things to do and it's good.. Have still hope...

[JackieClaire]

I want to save my life...

Hi Audrey,
No-one here is here to judge you and you have not broken any rules.

If every one got it right on there first attempt this forum would be empty

So back to day one. Try and remember how well you felt on your 2 days and the lovely day out with your daughter.

Also remember H.A.L.T....... Hungry .. Angry .. Lonely...Tired.

J x

:l

[gyco]

I want to save my life...

yo

Audrey14;799390 wrote: Hi jessie. Gyco, mollyka...!!! Thank you very much for encouraging words!!! Yes, i read them saturtday night when i was already drunken 1/2 bottle of wine...Till 6 p.m. my Day 3 was wonderful, my daughter's names day, i met my girlfriend with french man, drunk only cappuccino and had nice talk, went to poetry reading to support my daughter..And than i was alone..My daughter went out after with her friends, slept over in girlfriend's house, my boyfriend didn't come etc.. i know they all are just exuses..And after reading your posts i felt like i broke some rule, like i was unfaitful to my friends in MWO, i had fear that you will jugde me..i know it's stupid, i'm fooling myself..Yestarday i had mild hungover (because of course saturtday night i finished a bottle of wine...) and at dinner time drunk small bottle of wine (375ml)...Today is my 1st Day again.. my face is not 'very fresh", under-eye bags, "foggy head", so to speak not clear mind as those 2 wonderful mornings after beeing sober... So, i start from zero again...Have many things to do and it's good.. Have still hope...

hi audrey14,i have to stay with your thread,im not judging you,it is not my rite to do so,im in the same position as you,i just have more xperience,just realizing you have a problem.is an accomplishment,remember these words,most people can stop drinking,even alchoholics,wanting to stay stopped is the question and answer,some of us can even learn to moderate,have a wonderful day and do your best gyco:goodjob:

[Eve11]

I want to save my life...

Hi Audrey14,

Welcome! You'll find so much love and support here, we're glad you found us.

The fact that your current boyfriend is not much of a drinker is a big blessing to you because as you try to cut down and possibly quit if you choose to do that - he at least won't be tempting you to drink unlike other folks who have significant others who are big drinkers as well.

There is so much to read and a lot of good info. So, start by reading posts by newer members perhaps (newbies nest as an example) and once again...:welcome:

:l
Eve11

[Audrey14]

I want to save my life...

JackieClaire;799401 wrote: Hi Audrey,
No-one here is here to judge you and you have not broken any rules.

If every one got it right on there first attempt this forum would be empty

So back to day one. Try and remember how well you felt on your 2 days and the lovely day out with your daughter.

Also remember H.A.L.T....... Hungry .. Angry .. Lonely...Tired.

J x

:l

Hi Jackie!!!

Thanks!!! I'm in my bad and ...sober!!!! Of course during the had some cravings..It was here all day crazy snowfall, i had frozen legs in my not very appropriate italian boots and "some demon" told me - you deserve some warming drink... But fortunatelly in the evening i went home together with my daughter and just took a hot bath and had hot rose tea...I like your formula HALT!!!! Yes, i ate a lot today but healthy food (lunch in ajurvedic cafe), wasn't angry and so much tired..But the main reason for success - didn't felt lonely...
Good night and virtual hugs!!!!

[Audrey14]

I want to save my life...

Gyco;799422 wrote: hi audrey14,i have to stay with your thread,im not judging you,it is not my rite to do so,im in the same position as you,i just have more xperience,just realizing you have a problem.is an accomplishment,remember these words,most people can stop drinking,even alchoholics,wanting to stay stopped is the question and answer,some of us can even learn to moderate,have a wonderful day and do your best gyco:goodjob:

Hi Gyco!!! :thanks:

It seems you have more expierience, i'm still student of st year
Yes you're right - at the moment - starting from my first day in MWO site, i had sober days and i reduced amount of alchohol.. It really didn't happened in last half a year for sure...I started to drink more after my mother's funeral...and i know she's still watching and feeling me, so i have additional reason for my main goal - to stop drinking at all because i don't believe anymore that i can have nice dinner once per week with good wine and than have sober 6 days...2 years ago it was reality..now i'm afraid not...

[Audrey14]

I want to save my life...

Eve11;799505 wrote: Hi Audrey14,

Welcome! You'll find so much love and support here, we're glad you found us.

The fact that your current boyfriend is not much of a drinker is a big blessing to you because as you try to cut down and possibly quit if you choose to do that - he at least won't be tempting you to drink unlike other folks who have significant others who are big drinkers as well.

There is so much to read and a lot of good info. So, start by reading posts by newer members perhaps (newbies nest as an example) and once again...:welcome:

:l
Eve11

Hi Eve!!!

Yes, you're right about my boyfriend!!! He's really not a drinker and his job particularity is that even after end of working day he prefers to stay sober and his mobile is always with sound switched on. Actually i started to covince him to drink some wine...Yes, when we go to some restaurant, i'm trying not to drink more than 2 glasses of wine. And sometimes i feel embarrassed because he drink water or tea...I know that he loves me but i can't to tell him about my problem..But yes, you're right i have more reasons and circumstances to stay sober..:thanks:

[Audrey14]

I want to save my life...

Hi everybody!!!!!

Starting my Day 2 AF!!!!! I'm reading about having plans..Yes, in the last 2 years i really didn't have plans for anything..I have been just living...Mostly in the past and wine was "helping" not to think about future...
Now i have plan 1.To be sober at least till tomorrow's night (i'm going to meet my boyfriend to another city) 2. To fight with temptation to drink, IF he will offer to buy a wine for me (as i wrote he's almost non-drinker). That could be great, because than i can reach Day 4, 5...

Wishing everybody strength and wonderful day!!!!

[gyco]

I want to save my life...

yo

Audrey14;799841 wrote: Hi everybody!!!!!

Starting my Day 2 AF!!!!! I'm reading about having plans..Yes, in the last 2 years i really didn't have plans for anything..I have been just living...Mostly in the past and wine was "helping" not to think about future...
Now i have plan 1.To be sober at least till tomorrow's night (i'm going to meet my boyfriend to another city) 2. To fight with temptation to drink, IF he will offer to buy a wine for me (as i wrote he's almost non-drinker). That could be great, because than i can reach Day 4, 5...

Wishing everybody strength and wonderful day!!!!

hi audrey 14,my dear think about today,you can worry about tomorrow when it comes,as long as it took to get to this state,it will take as long to recover,as far as him knowing,my dear were a different breed of humanity,beleiveme, when i say,were different,he loves you more then you think,sorry to disappoint you,HE KNOWS,and if he doesnt now,he will eventually figure it out,you know when you have a drinking problem when you can remember your 1st drunk,as you get older into your drinking career,your mind starts rebelling,you dont remember your last,again i wish you well gyco:goodjob:

[Audrey14]

I want to save my life...

Hi Gyco!!! Hi all friends on this site!!

Thanks, ok i'll worry only about present, you're right!!! Day 2 was successful!!!! Spoke a lot by phone, met girlfriend, in the morning did my pranayama (yoga breathing and meditation exercises).. Some knowledge of yoga and right breathing saved myself during last years from total "falling apart"...

Made rissoto for dinner, ate a lot of sweets during the day...But..i feel i'm loosing weight...
I asked in many pharmacies about L-glutamine but it seems here they don't sell it "in solo"..Some food suplements and vitamins complex contains it. So, no many options..

My boyfriend called me..He's anxious to see me..and he bought one of my favorite and quite expensive italian red wine - Amarone... When he told me about it, i get very worried but told him that i'm having a detox diet now and we'll drink it only friday night (we're going to theater)so not tomorrow or thursday..And i have time to postpone...But i'm really, really afraid that i'll be not enough strong....

Good night or Good morning!!!!

[Audrey14]

I want to save my life...

Day 3.. Feel quite ok, ready to start my day. Pranayama, breakfast, shower...Only tought about evening and meeting my boyfriend after 2 weeks break makes me anxious...and this fucking bottle of Amarone..Why did i tell him that's my favorite...Ok, will try to think about other priorities

Have a nice day everybody!!!

[Cinders]

I want to save my life...

Audrey,

You are doing great. Hang in there. Keep doing the yoga and detoxing with liquids.

The sweets are a killer when you quit drinking. They "call" to you. It is the lack of sugar from the alcohol hitting you.

I have heard that eating carbohydrates actually increases your desire to drink.

Being a weenie when it comes to self-control, myself, I went ahead and ate sweets during detox. I have since weaned myself off of them.

My daughter, who has been sober 1 1/2 years now, laughs about the sugar thing. She never liked sweets at all. Even as a small child. During her early sober days, she craved them. Luckily, today she doesn't anymore and is back to pre-drinking appetites. It does get better.

Perhaps you could accidentally drop the bottle of wine? It would be a good waste, if you know what I mean?

Love,
Cindi

[jessie]

I want to save my life...

Hi Audrey, I have a feeling that you are going to be one of our success stories...tell your boyfriend that you want to keep the bottle of wine for a very special occassion - don't drink it.:l

[MommyDearest72]

I want to save my life...

Audrey14;797216 wrote: :new::new:
Hi to everybody!!! English isn't my native language but i found this site accidentally and i like very much principles of support and welcoming atmosphere here..
I can't speak about my problem with anybody,,even my psychoterapist who i visit rarely because of lack of finanses..Actually i tried but i had shame.. Very stupid but i can 't..And he didn't believed me that i REALLY have a problem..

Shortly - 7 years ago i had a divorce which i tought will be the death of me..And the first problem arose - i started to drink alone..To kill my pain, to forgett, to avoid reality..Maybe once or twice per week but ALONE..It was a step to hell..I drunk only wine..I felt in love with a man who drunk only vodka and so it was getting worse.. Normally with my ex we were having once per week a dinner with 1 bottle of wine for two of us..Now i started to finish 1 bottlle of wine alone while he was drinking vodka.. No, we're drinking not for sorrow, but for joy..I splited up with him, met foreigner man, took my daughter and went abroad with him..Those were 2 great years in my life.. He knew about my problem but still it was more emotional rather physical addiction from wine..To compare my life in post-soviet country now i had normal life conditions and tried to struggle with my problem..My boyfriend helped me a lot..I was doing a lot of fitness, travels, exploration of most beautiful cities of Europe...And tasting exceptionally tasty and expensive wines in Italy, France, Spain.. Unfortunatelly i have very good smell and taste abilities.. I ended up with my man and went back with my daughter to my post-soviet country ..Totally broken..And now really i started to drink..Almost every day.. Last year my mother died..She had vascular dementia and i was hiding my drinking problem.. After funeral i started to drink more..Sometimes not only wine..I have now new relationship, very splendid man and i can't still speak with him about my problem..He is almost non-drinker and i have really fear to loose him, to loose my life..At once i had suicidal toughts..Now i'm taking antidepressants but anyway can't quit drinking... Oh thanks to everybody who will read my huge story...

:l Welcome Audrey...I am sorry for your loss and understand how it feels going through a divorce. That in itself feels like the death of something... I am here for the same reason, we all are. ..Alcohol dependent.We are all joined by our physical and psychic pain, so I welcome you as a sister in the struggle.How is your daughter holding up? I ask because I have a 16 yr old articulate and sassy daughter, love her to death, but sometimes its hard when Im trying to figure out how to love myself in a healthy way- I dont want to destroy her future through my actions with men or my alcoholism. Im happy you're here and you'll find lots of insightful and honest advice. I look forward to seeing you on here again!
MommyD:l

[Audrey14]

I want to save my life...

Hi Friends!!! I?m back again...I?m happy to be here..because i can?t doing my escape from alcoholism alone...
Day 3 didn't come...I had nice dinner and Amarone..Wish i could stop..Next day was another wine, but only together with my boyfriend, then Friday we went to opening night of play ? before i bought 2 small bottles (250 ml each) of white wine...One i finished before going out, another in the toilet of theatre...Then we drunk red wine during interval and then we were invited to join actors after-party.. For me it was dangerous..i drunk i think 3 or 4 glasses of red wine..I smoke..Thanks God i didn?t damage my dress in ivory color...Next day finally i had hangover..i started to drink Martini on the way to capital city, my boyfriend was driving.. Summa sum arum i drunk 2 l of Martini..Next day ? 1.5 bottle of wine (1 bottle alone, 0.5 l with boyfriend)..And so on, and so on..Yesterday was my Day 1 ? third round..Today ? Day 2 and still successful.. Today my period started and i feel not very well, but tried to do yoga for 50 min., went to have facial- very satisfied..We just had with my boyfriend dinner and i told him that i feel full, i?ll have just some sip of balsamico (Italian wine vinegar, good digestive too) and detox tea..He is taking care a lot of me..and he went to buy some small bottle of cognac..i tried 3 times to convince him not to go..He answered ? you don?t have to drink all, it can just stay at home...i wanted to tell him ? my sweetheart, not for me!!! I?m an alcoholic and i can?t to keep at home any kind of alcohol... I wanted to say him but i was looking in his eyes and i can?t...I can?t ... But i know i should...
Yes, he?s back with a bottle of Metaxa, 5 stars...He asked me where to put a bottle, i told him ? in the kitchen..
I know how I?m bad but i?m going to drink a glass tonight..And i hate myself because my cosmetologist today told me that i look very good, like after vacation... I?m not so worried about tonight, i?m worried about tomorrow and bottle of left Metaxa...