Hi everyone, this is my first time at this site. I have been reading through the threads and have been able to relate to so many of them. I will try to keep my story short and concise to give you some understanding as to where I'm at. To start off, I have been a social drinker all of my life...a very social drinker. For the last four years I have been living in Asia as an expat teaching.
My first couple of years approx. were great, lots of social drinking, but was able to keep my s*!@ together, so to speak. Then I had a bout with a bad relationship, we lived together for almost a year. I was never happy in the relationship, so I would retreat everynight after work and drink and smoke (at this point I was working approximately 60+ hours a week, with no support from x). My time at night was my alone time. like many relationships, I began to withdraw from friends (due to 'love', work and the drinking). This became a daily thing. Then all my friends left Asia, and broke up with X. I was hurt and angry, as I was left with an expensive apartment. I also quit my job and began to work privately (to avoid early morning wakeups and having beer breath), I went on to work privately, which is illegal and you will be deported with a hefty fine if you are caught...but the money and hours were worth the risk. Two months after the break up, my best friend at the time was caught and gave my name to the police. I spent the next year cancelling classes, and constantly looking over my shoulder for the ones I would show up to. It was a true nightmare. During that time it seemed everyone I had ever known for some reason turned their back on me. I don't know what I did, however these were never close friends....For one year I hermitted myself and went into hiding, not trusting any foreigners...That was a year and a half ago, that is when my habits escalated.
I always told myself that I was depressed and needed to get through. Now the uncontrollable part, the last year has been bliss, I have an amazing job, a few close friends, no stress...but I am drinking more than ever. I lost one job because I would constantly call in sick due to hangovers. There is no reason for me to be drinking, in the meantime I have now completely isolated myself and do not associate with anyone. I do not even answer my phone. For no reason, I drink alone every night. Not in small quantities either. Two days ago I went to buy some wine, I decided on a box, 5 litres, this morning there is less than a litre left.....I really want to quit. But the more I want it the more I drink and smoke, it is always like the last farewell blowout..problem is the farewell never happens, only the blow out. Sorry, this is now much longer than I wanted it to be. However, in the end, what I really need is some help. I cannot go to AA meetings because of my fear of recognition, I also teach a sport hear that without proper training people can get seriously injured, and worse, death. I have not taught it in two years, and that sport is my passion...but I just lost it. I really need some help and would love to hear any advice that anyone could provide. It is 1oclock in the afternoon and I am already contemplating finishing off that wine....problem is, I know once I start, I wont stop and will then have to go out to get more.....ugh, a viscious cycle....
sunshine and happiness to all, I would love to hear from you....I need to hear from you..Thank you in advance.
My first couple of years approx. were great, lots of social drinking, but was able to keep my s*!@ together, so to speak. Then I had a bout with a bad relationship, we lived together for almost a year. I was never happy in the relationship, so I would retreat everynight after work and drink and smoke (at this point I was working approximately 60+ hours a week, with no support from x). My time at night was my alone time. like many relationships, I began to withdraw from friends (due to 'love', work and the drinking). This became a daily thing. Then all my friends left Asia, and broke up with X. I was hurt and angry, as I was left with an expensive apartment. I also quit my job and began to work privately (to avoid early morning wakeups and having beer breath), I went on to work privately, which is illegal and you will be deported with a hefty fine if you are caught...but the money and hours were worth the risk. Two months after the break up, my best friend at the time was caught and gave my name to the police. I spent the next year cancelling classes, and constantly looking over my shoulder for the ones I would show up to. It was a true nightmare. During that time it seemed everyone I had ever known for some reason turned their back on me. I don't know what I did, however these were never close friends....For one year I hermitted myself and went into hiding, not trusting any foreigners...That was a year and a half ago, that is when my habits escalated.
I always told myself that I was depressed and needed to get through. Now the uncontrollable part, the last year has been bliss, I have an amazing job, a few close friends, no stress...but I am drinking more than ever. I lost one job because I would constantly call in sick due to hangovers. There is no reason for me to be drinking, in the meantime I have now completely isolated myself and do not associate with anyone. I do not even answer my phone. For no reason, I drink alone every night. Not in small quantities either. Two days ago I went to buy some wine, I decided on a box, 5 litres, this morning there is less than a litre left.....I really want to quit. But the more I want it the more I drink and smoke, it is always like the last farewell blowout..problem is the farewell never happens, only the blow out. Sorry, this is now much longer than I wanted it to be. However, in the end, what I really need is some help. I cannot go to AA meetings because of my fear of recognition, I also teach a sport hear that without proper training people can get seriously injured, and worse, death. I have not taught it in two years, and that sport is my passion...but I just lost it. I really need some help and would love to hear any advice that anyone could provide. It is 1oclock in the afternoon and I am already contemplating finishing off that wine....problem is, I know once I start, I wont stop and will then have to go out to get more.....ugh, a viscious cycle....
sunshine and happiness to all, I would love to hear from you....I need to hear from you..Thank you in advance.
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