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Was not successful last night but hopeful

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    #1

    Was not successful last night but hopeful

    I managed to fight off a number of cravings but eventually caved last night. I am disappointed at my weakness but hopeful now that I am on this forum. Knowing that I am not alone in this and getting support.

    Living in a very small town where everyone knows you and trying to keep up this energetic successful front, is such a lie. I do not want anyone to know in my circle of friends, and community so this forum is where I get my support.

    Part of me really has a hard time believing that I can really conquer this. Eventhough many have and many have had it harder or have had deeper struggles than I ... it's hard to believe I can really escape from this hole of alcohol I am living in right now. It's got such a tight grip on me - I hate it for that. I do know that complete abstinence is my only solution.

    The one good thing I can take out of last night was I fought off craving for about 4 hours where I would have normally just caved right away. I wish I hadn't caved. Didn't go too hard last night but enough to be disappointed in myself.

    This needs to end. Argggghhh and a sigh. argh:
    Tags: None
    #2
    Was not successful last night but hopeful

    Meech,
    Don't be so hard on yourself. We have all been there. I think sometimes the guilt makes you want to drink again just to help you forget. Have you looked at the site thesinclairmethod.com • Index page I recently got the book and it seems to be promising.
    Hangingon

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      #3
      Was not successful last night but hopeful

      Hi Meech!!!! Today is my 2nd day without AL, but it was much harder than 1st..i was nervous, anxious, with minor headache..After 5 p.m. i had only one tought in my mind - just one glass of wine..i bought more expensive food wich i can afford..
      Try again!!! i tried many times by my own..it wasn't successful..this site is helping me.
      You wrote that you live in a small town..In my whole country live just 2mlj population, in my hometown - about 70.000, so i can understand that feeling..
      Don't judge yourself but try to encourage again..I don't know how i'll succeed tomorrow so keep in touch!!!
      The time for action is now. It's never too late to do something.
      /Antoine de Saint-Exupery/

      Comment

        #4
        Was not successful last night but hopeful

        Thanks hangingon.

        You are right about beating myself up. It's hard not too but then it just creates more dispair and hopelessness, hence more drinking. Well tonight is a sober night. It's always easier the night after the relapse to be careful because things are too fresh for me from the night before(physically and mentally feeling crappy). I'll check that site out.

        I don't take any medicine for cravings and don't really want to go there - or talk to my doctor, small town and all, secrets. I have considered getting the 6 week starter kit (either basic or extreme). Not sure if it's worth it or not. I have read a lot of people on medication but wondering how effective the Kudzu or kits are?

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          #5
          Was not successful last night but hopeful

          Thanks Audrey 14

          Knowing you and others are fighting as hard as I...perhaps we can be strong for each other. I know that anxious feeling. The food thing really helps take the edge off. That was my big mistake last night. I thought just have one beer while I make supper. How many times have I said that. Stupid. Because one means 4, 5, sometimes more. Then it's 11pm at night and I'm drunk, and then I eat. Sure I make sure my family has a nice healthy supper while drink. I KNOW BETTER. which makes me angry. How many times do I have to think it's going to be different this time.

          I check in and see how you are doing. Be strong. We can build on each other's successes!

          Comment

            #6
            Was not successful last night but hopeful

            Hi Meech, Hi Audrey,

            A lot of people here swear by L-Glutamine. You can buy it over the counter in most health food shops and even on line at Amazon. I took it in my early AF days,still do now and again.

            And here I am over 6 and a half months AF

            It's also good for sugar carvings.

            J x

            :l
            It could be worse, I could be filing.
            AF since 7/7/2009

            Comment

              #7
              Was not successful last night but hopeful

              Thank you Jackie Claire
              I will go to health food store today and pick some up.

              I take B vitamins because I know alcoholics are laking in this among many other things. How much do I need to take. 120 pound woman?

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                #8
                Was not successful last night but hopeful

                Hi again Meech,

                I just took what it said on the bottle. I'm also around 120lbs. I also take Vit B it's good for you at any time.

                J x

                :l
                It could be worse, I could be filing.
                AF since 7/7/2009

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                  #9
                  Was not successful last night but hopeful

                  Thanks JC

                  Here's to AF tonight!

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Was not successful last night but hopeful

                    You've got to be up early to get to the shops

                    J x

                    :l
                    It could be worse, I could be filing.
                    AF since 7/7/2009

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Was not successful last night but hopeful

                      Meech - been there many times - guilt is the worst along with self loathing. You are here and that is what matters. Stay here no matter what - no one will judge you - only try to support you. That's why I love this place - My AL abuse is truly a secret from everyone around me so being able to share all the feelings I have about it here at MWO has truly been a blessing for me.
                      Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Was not successful last night but hopeful

                        Hallo there, just wanted to say welcome Meech, your story is very familiar, I am battling, sometimes 3 night's af some times only one, but always coming back and trying again, good luck, maybe we will meet in caht soon, love and hug's Twitch

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                          #13
                          Was not successful last night but hopeful

                          Meech,

                          I totally understand where you are coming from, so many of us repeat the same old behavior.

                          I am not doing much better than you with my drinking at the moment, so dont feel alone.

                          One thing I have stocked in my cupboard is L-Glutamine in the powder form. It is supposed to help with cravings, but it also makes you feel a whole lot better on those days if you over do it.

                          The guy at the healthfood store said L-Glut is really really good for your brain. Way I see it, we could all use a little help in that area, LOL.

                          Overit
                          I LOVE MY SEROTONIN AND BOOZE SCREWS IT UP!!!!!

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Was not successful last night but hopeful

                            Thanks Jackie for advise about L-Glutamine!!! I'll ask tomorrow in my pharmacy.

                            Meech try to speak with yourself, be nice to yourself, to award yourself about every day which is AL free.

                            Hugs and be gentle to yourself!! It doesn't mean without control and dicipline but like we do with small kids - give a gentle rating and after caress them.

                            A
                            The time for action is now. It's never too late to do something.
                            /Antoine de Saint-Exupery/

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Was not successful last night but hopeful

                              Hi Meech! Don't give up.

                              When I first got sober I did the full My Way Out program by the book with the exception of any prescription meds. (for some of the same reasons you mentione - not wanting to get a doc involved, etc. I did all the recommended supplements bought here, the hypnosis CD's and the diet and exercise recommendations. Nothing (for me) made quitting AL easy, but doing that program seemed to make it possible for me.

                              I think what's important is that if whatever you ARE doing isn't working, then learn from it and modify your plan going forward. Sobriety won't just magically happen - at least for me it didn't. It took a lot of work and a good plan. It still does. It's worth every bit of the effort I give it though. I'm living again.

                              Strength and hope,
                              DG
                              Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                              Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

                              One day at a time.

                              Comment

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