I'm new...where do I begin???

[stiteal]

Allow me to lay my cards on the table...

I have made the decision that a change needs to happen. I am an alcoholic- I love wine...not for the taste, but for the feeling of escape and fun of being drunk. I was born an alcoholic. My entire paternal side of the family are alcoholics. I have no business picking up a drink, because I don't quit until I'm passed out. I wake up the next morning and could kill myself out of anger that I did it again. This morning is one of those mornings. I do not drink during the day, I drink in the evening...almost every evening. I plan to drink and get excited about it. I need to learn new habits and am ready to start. I need some encouragement now and especially during the eveings. My husband and I are going to try to have another baby and I'm terrified that I won't be able to stop drinking while pregnant and that is not an option for me...the change needs to start now. Anyone care to help me out, please? I am grateful and apprecitive to have found this site.

[Eve11]

I'm new...where do I begin???

Stiteal,:welcome:

You must have an angel watching over you because you were blessed to find this place.

Welcome aboard.

You will find so much helpful information here and will get a lot of help from many, many people.

Start by reading a lot of the posts that are written here. You will find a plethora of information and will be excited to find people with your same story. You have the option to private mail (p.m.) folks if you find someone you feel you relate to and want to keep things more personal so the whole world can't see what you write.

Many more will respond to this so I won't try to fill you in on everything. Welcome aboard and enjoy all the good reading you'll find here. Go to Newbies Nest as it's a great place for newbies!!

:l
Eve11

[Twitch]

I'm new...where do I begin???

stiteal,
I am a drinker for the same reason's, fun, escape,I only drink in the evening, every morning I wake up, sick and full of good intention's until 9 pm, then I forget and drink again, you must not get pregnant while you drink so much, the problem's it would cause are huge, if I could have another baby that would be a good incentive to stop, there is so much information here and so much love and support, read all the post's you can and the tool box at the top, you can go to chat if you need help asap,PM me if you want a chat, if you want to you can, it's not easy but lot's here have succeeded, love and hug's Twitch xx

[stiteal]

I'm new...where do I begin???

this is just simply amazing...I prayed and prayed this morning that I would find a tool just like this and frantically searched the web and then all of a sudden, here it is. Thank you so much for responding so quickly. I feel so very free right now, like a giant weight has been lifted. I am embarrassed by my drinking. I hate it during the day and then crave it in the evenings. Depending on what I have to do the next day, I know exactly how much wine I can drink for the level of hangover I am willing to endure the next morning. It is very calculated and ridiculous. To add further complication, I have a lapband for weight loss, but have only lost 50 pounds in 3 years...I wonder why??? I drink more calories than I used to eat! I only drank socially before my surgery, but afterwords when I couldn't eat regularly, I quickly found out that wine goes down without a hitch and it was down hill from there. I have an amazing husband that loves me blindly and I want to be healthy for him...he deserves it and I do too!

[Twitch]

I'm new...where do I begin???

well done for finding this place. I don't know how I found it either, maybe it find's us!!! I have a wonderful husband too, so perhap's we can encourage each other, xx Twitch

[gyco]

I'm new...where do I begin???

hi

stiteal;799495 wrote: Allow me to lay my cards on the table...

I have made the decision that a change needs to happen. I am an alcoholic- I love wine...not for the taste, but for the feeling of escape and fun of being drunk. I was born an alcoholic. My entire paternal side of the family are alcoholics. I have no business picking up a drink, because I don't quit until I'm passed out. I wake up the next morning and could kill myself out of anger that I did it again. This morning is one of those mornings. I do not drink during the day, I drink in the evening...almost every evening. I plan to drink and get excited about it. I need to learn new habits and am ready to start. I need some encouragement now and especially during the eveings. My husband and I are going to try to have another baby and I'm terrified that I won't be able to stop drinking while pregnant and that is not an option for me...the change needs to start now. Anyone care to help me out, please? I am grateful and apprecitive to have found this site.

well hello,and welcom,as eve said you picked a good site which there are not many,that i no of,at least you realize you have a problem,alchoholic that is a matter of opinion,as far a s being born a drunk,if your ancestors drank that is a big possibility,mine did,so i came by it gracefully,you seem to have answered a lot of the questions on your own,amasing not many can,stick arond here and rome arond and i beleive youll catch on quite quickly,its just a matter of stopping which is the hard part,ive said to many its not stopping even an alkie can do tht ,its staying stopped and wanting to,i do wish you well gyco

[stiteal]

I'm new...where do I begin???

I feel very excited/liberated to be able to say exactly how I am feeling and thinking. I am always to ashamed to say I am hungover, however, it feels very therapeutic (sp?). I am hungover right now. I have the most sour tummy. I have a lapband and can't throw up like normal people can, so it's very uncomfortable. I have a headache and didn't sleep well, so I'm tired. I would love to go back to sleep, but I have to take my little one to preschool in a few hours.

[The New Me]

I'm new...where do I begin???

Stiteal,
I have seen some research on how people with lapbands turn to alcohol after the procedure. You may look into it and understand how you may have switched additions, instead of beating youself up.

[stiteal]

I'm new...where do I begin???

I am appreciative of the comments. Still just feeling like I want to get it all out of me...it- being my life of drinking...it truly is a process and until today, I've never really thought about my process of drinking. And as I think about it, it's completely ridiculous, but I feel like it's healthy to outline it.

I celebrate happiness by drinking. I soothe sadness or worry by drinking. I sit in the same place on my sofa and prepare to drink, like I'm preparing for a house guest. I get my glass of wine. I get my kleenex (I have allergies). I find my perfect channel. I get my snack. I get nice and settled into the sofa and feel so excited, like I have everything I need to be fulfilled. I will typcially wait for a 5 minutes or so for that first sip. My first glass usally takes about an hour to drink. I enjoy it and can feel the buzz begin, I know I'm in for a fun night! It's exciting to get up and get that second glass and it goes down a bit quicker. By the end of the second glass, I've now usually lost interest in what I'm watching on TV and have gotten the computer to go on one of my networking sites (which I have tried to ban myself from doing while drunk, because I say stuid things and of course forget what I've said). Anyway, glass 3 is where I'm first a bit drunk...it's usually where I lose count. From this point on, I can take out a full glass in 30 minutes or so and throughout the evening will have around 8 glasses or a little more than 2 bottles. I love to listen to my ipod and "dance" on the sofa. I stumble up the stairs to potty a million times. I will eat continuously and since I have a lapband, I have to throw up the food immediately, because I don't chew enough and I'm eating more than my pouch can hold. At some point, I will stumble up to bed and pass out.

My hall of shame includes throwing up in my bed (that I share with my husband, mind you), throwing up on the carpet by my bed, at the foot of the bed, in the living room, slipping in the shower and giving myself a concussion, passing out on the bathroom floor, spilling red wine on the living room carpet, bruising myself almost every time I drink and having no recollection of what happened, falling all over myself, going outside and walking around my house at night in the snow with no coat, being still drunk in the morning and having to drive my little one to school, calling in sick a number of times when I worked because I was so hungover or still drunk...I could go on and on. I think about this stuff and I would never do these things sober. How could I ever let myself get to this point.

I need to forgive myself and move on. I need to develop new interests and hobbies. I need to retrain my brain to be stimulated by different things. I need to quit thinking that my drinking is "funny" and "just what I do" and "everyone does it" and "everyone has their weaknesses, this is mine"...I will not resign myself to living this lifestyle any more. I will mess up, I know I'll come on here at some point and beat myself up because I drant too much, but- it will not be my lifestyle any longer. I have been given this amazing and valuable tool today.

To those who have taken the time to read my messages and especially to those who have weighed in, thank you. Thank you for your words and you care. What a great day to change my life. I can do this. I want to do this. I will do this. Perfectly, no...but I'll get back up again.

[beauty91254]

I'm new...where do I begin???

OMG you sound so familiar!!

Today I found this site also, and I surely don't know how I did but I am thanking GOD that I did. There is no where anywhere that I can be so honest, so truthful and say exactly what I want to say and what I know is the truth. And you all understand me because you all have been there. To hear you talk about some of these things: I don't drink during the day; I look forward to my drinking every night; I have my spot on the sofa; yes the first one goes down and the rest go even faster; yes I don't remember what happened last night and come downstairs in the morning wondering if my husband will be talkiung to me or mad with me for what I have done the night before; yes I have bruises and a knot on my leg where I fell down last week; goodness. I never believed there were people just like me out there who need help and companionship...that feel like I do, that know what this is like. Yes my parents were alcoholics and alcohol was always a part of my family life. I drink when I am happy, I drink when I am sad, I drink when I am bored, etc. etc. I feel renewed finding this website and I am so happy I did. Thank you all for your caring and friendship.:new:

[stiteal]

I'm new...where do I begin???

beauty,
thank you for finding validation in my words and for further validating me in the process. I'm sure the "oldies" on this site probably laugh at us newbies discovering people just like us or maybe it never gets old. beauty, you said today is your first day too, want to tell me a bit about yourself? I'm intruiged to hear similar stories to my own.

[SKendall]

I'm new...where do I begin???

Welcome Beauty and Stiteal. What great luck you started on the same day, you will become good friends, I am sure.

Trust me there aren't any "oldies" who would laugh at the newbies - remember we all were new at one time. We were tired, sick and feeling vulnerable, so we all know how you feel. You will meet the best caring people here who understand the complexity of this alcohol abuse.

Jump in and make a lot of friends!

[stiteal]

I'm new...where do I begin???

Thank you Skendall, I appreciate your encouragement. Today was easy, as I was too hungover to drink. Tomorrow, the real work begins. I intend to be on this site much of the evening trying to work through the urges...I have also decided that part of my plan will be to have my 5 year old write her alphabet and numbers...that will be a great way to engage my mind and get it off of wine time. I wish more people knew about this site. I have a hope that I've not had before.

[Doggygirl]

I'm new...where do I begin???

stiteal, trust me, nobody is or will be laughing! We've all been there and done that.

When I was reading your hall of shame, I was reminded of the time I was drunk as a skunk while on a company sales award trip - a cruise. The first night at sea I tripped in the tiny cabin bathroom and hit my head on the sink. I was fine (thankfully) in terms of not splitting my head open or anything. But I had the BIGGEST shiner and had to go through the rest of this trip with my boss, his boss, and on up the line all on this ship together. Talk about embarrassing. And what is really amazing to me is that 1) I still just wanted to drink drink drink all through the cruise even after that happened and 2) it was still many more years of that sort of insanity before I figured out that yes, indeed, I have a slight problem with alcohol. (sarcasm on for the "slight" part of that!)

Oy. I'm glad that phase of life is behind me. So no, you are not the only one who has trophies in the hall of shame! :H

DG

[JackieClaire]

I'm new...where do I begin???

Hi stiteal,

I can assure you no-one is laughing at you or any one else here.

We've have all walked in each others shoes at one time or another.

I was always passing off my bumps and bruises as tripping over the dog. People must have thought I ran a kennel I had so many.

You are not alone.

J x

:l