I'm new...where do I begin???

[stiteal]

I'm new...where do I begin???

AF1: A successful beginning to what will surely be a lifelong journey.

As I reflect on the last 12 hours, I am thankful for finding this website and believe this may be just the platform I need for recovery. My husband will be home from traveling on Thursday and I look forward to explaining to him what AF4 means! Thank you to all who commented, encouraged and weighed in with me today...I am grateful beyond words. I'm thinking I can use this thread to track my daily progress. I will voice concern for the coming days. I was too hungover today to drink, so I don't even know if it really counts, but hey, it's a day! As the week progresses, I expect it to be more difficult...I am dreading the weekend though. For the last 3 weeks, I have successfully not had a drink during the weekdays, but would plot, plan and anticipate my weekends of wine time. I will have to learn to spend a weekend like a regular person...I guess I can't get away with putting off cleaning anymore, ha! I would love to think I can learn how to drink in moderation, but I just don't think that will be an option for me...I'm not going to think about not drinking for the rest of my life- just the rest of the day. Good night all...no hangover for me tomorrow!

[stiteal]

I'm new...where do I begin???

Hello AF2!!

What a refreshing feeling to wake up rested! I slept in a little later than I had hoped, but I don't really care. I've been pretty productive thus far and as I go through my daily chores, I think of and find different things to put on my "Urge Squash" list...i.e. this morning when I went below the kitchen sink to get lysol, I was horrified at the state of the cabinet....that will be first on the list to be organized.

I am noticing that Al is on my mind alot more than normal. Not urges, just the thought of him. Perhaps it is my mind trying to wrap it's head around the fact that my dear friend Al is leaving us and hopefully will not be returning. Whatever it is, I'm distracting myself, but allowing my mind to work through this change.

So far, I am keeping this change to myself, my own little secret. I suspect the fear of failure or judgment or "I told you so" makes me a bit embarrased to tell people. However, there is small part of me that wants to keep this victory as my own...I feel like I have found a world where people are like me, I'm accepted, I'm safe, I belong. My Hubby gets home Thursday and I'm not sure if I want to tell him or not, but knowing me, my excitement level will be through the roof and I won't be able to not tell him.

I have a busy day of cleaning, workout, preschool and errands. When 5pm (my witching hour) rolls around, I hope to look at it and laugh...but we'll see.

[Milllie22]

I'm new...where do I begin???

I'm new and very worried.

I'm new too. I've been reading everyone story and WoW!, I feel like all stories belong to me. I drink wine everyday and can't wait until i have the power in me to not drink for one day. I guess I'm in a bit of denial that this is my story. Every night I tell myself that I am not tonight and then I crash. Yesturday I was so focused and determined. I tried several things...1st I didn't have a drink until the kids were in bed 8pm... then I limited myself to 2 glasses only. This morning I was devestated at the fact that I have no self control, but now that I found this site I have HOPE! I know I have to work hard but I guess taking baby steps is better than taking no steps at all.
Thanks for listening.
What do you think? Can someone please give me guidance?
Thanks again.
22
:new:

[stiteal]

I'm new...where do I begin???

Hi Millie,
Your story sounds so familiar...it's me! What a wonderful thing that we have found somewhere where we can be honest and be supported and accepted! I completely understand where you are. I started my afair with wine with one glass a night, then one bottle a night, then two bottles a night and well, you get the picture...I am also the mother of a 5 year old...this was not a good situation.

I understand the limitations or goals you give yourself (waiting until the kids go to bed, only 2 glasses)...this for me was my first sign that a) I have a problem b) I can't control it w/out major struggle c) I want to change d) I need help, I can't do this on my own. That sounds like what you may be going through. I was not interested in AA...I'm too private/embarrased about being an alcoholic. So finally yesterday, I woke up with a huge hangover/still drunk and decided that enough was enough. I layed in my bed and prayed that God would give me some kind of anonymous outlet/recovery tool. After 5 mintues of surfing the web, I found this gem. And for the first time, I said that I am an alcoholic. Reading these amazing stories of failure and success, but most of all determination and support is exactly what I need and it sounds like it may be good for you too.

The first step is to admit you have a problem and you need help...it's so liberating once you make this declaration. The next step is to use the tools on this website and lean on the amazing people here...for the good, the bad and the ugly...they love you! Millie, I'm here if you need to talk- the first goal is ONE DAY! Just one day. Have you had a drink today? Would you like to give today AF (alcohol free) a shot? I will be happy to spend some time chatting with you tonight if you need some distraction. My husband is out of town on business, so I have all the time in the world. Yesterday, I was embraced by so many people instantly...complete strangers who helped pick me up. I'm prepared to do the same for you. You can do this!

[Audrey14]

I'm new...where do I begin???

Hi and welcome stiteal!!!!:welcome:

I'm new one here too but i'm very thankful to God that i found this site...I'm wine drinker too..Some mild problemes with alchohol i started to feel after divorce so 7 years ago..But i managed not to fall entirely..

Real problems started 2 years ago - if you wish you can read my story
In the last months normally i was having 1 bottle of wine per night, sometimes two, sometimes 1.5..Sometimes when i had hungover i started to drink during the day...With my drinking i embarassed my lovely daughter (now she's 17), had bruises and one time i droped on the street in winter with my computer in the bag..Computer was ok but part of my face not - my right eye and cheek was blue and swolen for some time..fortunatelly i'm ok with make-up skills and for some weeks was using professional concelar etc.
tomorrow (here is almost 11 p.m.) will be my day 3 (but second round!!!, i relapsed saturtday)...it's not so easy but i feel supported and not so confused as before i found this community. Be strong and together we'll win!!!

[Cheech66]

I'm new...where do I begin???

Hola

just wanted to say hi so i dont lose this thread!!:goodjob:

[stiteal]

I'm new...where do I begin???

Cheech, thanks for following along with my journey...I'm doing the same thing with everyone else. I'm so encouraged by all of the different, yet similar stories.

Audrey, you're doing a great job so far!! No one is perfect, but you got right back up and started again, that is all any of us can ask for! I'm going to take a few minutes to read your story...great luck to you today/tonight- happy day 3! I'm in my AF2 and going strong, no desire for a glass today!

[JackieClaire]

I'm new...where do I begin???

:welcome: Millie22
and re hi stiteal and Audrey,

Some one here once used the term 'olbie' for the old timers and I quite like it.

I was feeling very vulnerable about going to birthday party on Sunday. (lots of champagne flowing about). I hopped on here talked about my worries and decided to give it a miss. Even now I just can't risk all the hard work I've done for one moment of madness.

You're doing great.

J x

:l

[Little Owl]

I'm new...where do I begin???

Hi Stiteal

You mentioned earlier wondering whether to tell your husband or not what you are doing. I must confess I am not telling mine what I'm doing, I guess he'll notice in the end. I told my daughter and friend tonight that I had diet coke because I want to lose a few pounds. I'm not saying any more than that because I don't want to draw attention to myself, I've had enough of doing that! And I kind of want to keep it my little secret, I don't know why, maybe because I can't bring myself to say to everyone "I'm an alcoholic", I only admitted it to myself two weeks ago.

JackieClaire, I was tempted to not go out saturday night, but I didn't want to let my daughter down. We are having a big family get together at her house on sunday for her birthday the next day. Its going to be difficult, but I have to go!! I think I'll stick to the weight loss thing and take a giant bottle of diet coke.

[JackieClaire]

I'm new...where do I begin???

Yep Little Owl,

I'm not going to jump up and down in the middle of a family party and say 'guess what I'm an alcoholic' I can see their faces now.

Mr JC, my kids and one very close friend know the truth. The rest I've told that I've stopped drinking because of anxiety and depression issues ........ which are all true.

It was a lunch do on Sunday and I just said my Granny was coming. A little white lie but no-one got hurt.

J x

:l

[stiteal]

I'm new...where do I begin???

JackieClaire, I can't help but to crack up! No, I'm not going to jump up and down and yell I'm an alcoholic, ha! That is fantastic.

Little Owl, I agree, I think this will be my little secret...that way I don't have to worry about letting anyone else down if I slip...but I can still share my victory with all of you!

[stiteal]

I'm new...where do I begin???

Wrapping up AF2 and am ready for bed...great day!

Full workout (one hour in the gym), ate really well, ran errands, woke up refreshed...bring it on AF3!!! G'night folks!

[ThisWayOut]

I'm new...where do I begin???

stiteal,

Yep, you are yet another one that has been most fortunate to have found this site. You will find very caring and helpful people here that are going / have gone through the trials of AL use. Each story different and personal - but, at same time, there is a common thread. Drinking AL is not good. At all. It real simple. People make it more complicated that it needs to be. Bottom line, AL has no benefit what so ever (aside form a momentary escape from reality, which you know does not work in the end) Any benefit from AL that ones perceives is simply false - it all an illusion - a con job. And the disadvantages, we could list them almost endlessly: your body, mind, soul, bad behavior, your relationships - family and friends - but you already know this - you would not be here if you didn't already no how devastating AL is. It is in effect drinking a form of poison. Once you stop drinking that poison, your life will change for the better - you will be healthier, happier, less shame/quilt and your relationships will improves - everything gets better. The key, once you have a plan and have thought about this more is to not have "one" drink. Sounds simple right, well it can be if you prepare your mind in advance. You have to convince your mind that you will never have another drink again - ever. Once you have made that commitment (which takes a lot of preparation), the stopping drinking is the easy part. But, for this particular method to work, you can never doubt your decision - you are a non-drinker. Anyway, many other methods of dealing with issues on here that run the gambit - finf out what works best for you and you will find plenty of support here on MWO. Just keep talking and listening and working it out - it all gets better provided you keep a positive frame of mind and don't get caught up in taking "short-cuts"... Welcome, TWO

[stiteal]

I'm new...where do I begin???

Thank you for that message of encouragement Thiswayout!

AF3 is a great day so far...partial workout (have to finish later), errands, lunch w/my bro-in-law, preschool and then home. My hubby returns from his trip tomorrow which is always great excitement in our house. As each day has passed, Al talks a little less to me. So far, not one craving, just excitement that he's gone. A tiny part of me is concerned about this weekend and our vacation, but only a tiny part of me...I'm feeling pretty confident I will do just fine. I am also getting very comfortable that I am a non-drinker. I would still like to entertain the idea of being a moderate drinker one day, but I need to say goodbye to him for a good long while before I let him visit again. Funny, for the past month, my husband and I have been talking non-stop about having another baby...I have been obsessing about it, but at the same time, silently terrified that I would not be able to stop drinking. Now, I am feeling no fear...if I can do 3 days, I can do a week...if I can do a week, I can do a month...if I can do a month, 9 months will be no sweat. The bottom line is, I don't need Al, sometimes I just want him, but then again, sometimes I want alot of things but don't get them. I feel like my brain is going through a major shift in the way it thinks. Another thing I want to share is about my father. He committed suicide 13 years ago. He was an alcoholic his entire adult life. He drank a jug of vodka daily and would have his morning pills by drinking straight out of the jug. His health had deteriorated so much before he died, that I can only imagine he was just trying to escape severe physical and emotional pain from drinking. It says in the bible that the sins of the father will be passed down through the generations. My father was in a long line of alcoholics and his siblings (my aunts and uncles) were no different. I have a choice to stop this pattern. I don't get to drink like normal people do (have one or two, enjoy it and stop)...it's just not in my DNA. In the same way I will have to be on an antidepressant for my entire life, as depression runs in both sides of my family. I am fine with my "happy pills", we have reached and agreement with one another and I embrace them. I need to feel fine with no Al and embrace that we do not have a relationship. Again, one day, I hope he and I can have brief visits, but no co-dependancy...however, I am preparing myself for the possibility that this might not happen.

These are my reflections so far today. Thanks for letting me share my heart!

[FallonsMom]

I'm new...where do I begin???

great thread