self sabotage

[4everakid]

Hi out there,

I have a question. Does anyone here do this or know why it is done? Self sabotage! For example, you are in a relationship and subconsciously you do everything in your power to botch it. You have a wonderful job interview, but the night before you decide it is time for a great bender. Your work is spuradic (sp?), so anytime you have to wake up early, the night before you tend to drink more than ever. Someone is counting on you being there...but you have that first drink, can't stop and make excuses regarding the appointment...You have time off, beautiful sunny days, but instead of enjoying them, you decide to stay indoors and drink??? Does any of this sound familiar? any answers or thoughts into this query?Just a thought as I woke up this morning, and this is not regular for me, but since having a few days off, opened a beer, I live by the ocean, can see it out my window and instead of enjoying the day, have decided to watch movies and have some beer....of course it can be rationalised, but this simple fact of self sabotage I think needs further pondering. Does anyone have any ideas as to why we do it? Instead of excercising I have a beer belly, so now cannot fit into any of my clothes. One month ago, I went to a spa, did not drink for seven days, lost weight (it was an alternative style spa - colemics), came back, started drinking, although swimming everyday, then stopped one day and have put all the weight back on, plus some! Its funny because I devote more time and effort into alcohol, smoking, than would take less time to walk around the block. There is a psych. process going on, and I am just wondering if anyone else out there has any info. on how to beat this. I have tried to see a psychologist, but there are no english speaking ones where I am, so I am hoping for something online...although I would prefer something that does not cost $100/hour. I think this is an important aspect of addiction...any addiction, if anyone has any thoughts, I would love to hear about them, I would love to try to understand what is going on upstairs, so to speak.

sunshine and happiness to all!

[lushy]

self sabotage

Every example you mentioned I have done at one point or another in my life. Why do we do it? Good question. But I have decided I am sick of wasting nice days holed up in my house, sick of wasting days feeling like crap, sick of missing church or my daughter's soccer games all because I feel like crap, which is why I am here. I think a lot of us tend to be reclusive and that combination of liking to be alone and liking to drink is not a good one. Drinking is easier than getting out and exercising for many of us at this point, drinking sounds like it will be a "fun" thing to do at the moment. That's the lure. The instant gratification factor I know is what brings me back to wanting to drink. I am impatient and I want to feel good NOW. Silly and immature, yes. But it is something I am working very hard on to change and I am making progress. I hope the same for you.

[Guest]

self sabotage

Hi 4everakid and lush,
I think for me it has a lot to do with the immediate gratification. It's so much easier to get a buzz within a few minutes and maintain it throughout a period of a few hours than to put effort into several days of healthy choices to make a REAL positive change that makes a lasting gratifying effect. Does that make any sense. It's more difficult to delay the reward. It is maybe immature or impulsive, but it's what we've trained ourselves to know as reward.
I know after I put time and effort into being "good", whether it be stringing some good moderation days (like 2 or fewer drinks per day) or alcohol free days together, or if I'm doing great workouts, or especially if I've accomplished a run of a length or a time I've never accomplished before, that's such a great high! And a high I REMEMBER!
The thing is, that it takes practice to retrain yourself to reward yourself in this manner on a more consistent basis. I'm still working on it.

On the flip side, when you have a crappy time, it's also difficult to not drown those sorrows, BUT I've found that some of my best runs have been done when I'm p*ssed off! Let jet fuel out my running shoes. Way better to burn the steam off that way, and I NEVER used to deal with anger in that manner. Always straight to the booze.

Good thoughts. Thanks for letting my kinda muddle through mine . Again, still working on it, but it gets better the longer I'm here and the more diligent I am. Slack and I'm screwed. Maybe one day it will just come "naturally" ???? Lush, that's why I'm here too! To keep working at it and not feel like crap and miss out on things. Like "The Dash" thread. I LOVE that. Helped me stay AF last night:h

Take care

[InnerStrength]

self sabotage

4ever
You have brought up something that I HAVE done. Many times. And I dont know why either. And I happen to know for a fact, from speaking to quite a few people who have "problems" with drinking that this is common. Is it a self esteem issue? I don't know. Is it an anger with ourselves? Are we crying out for help? I have NO IDEA. But what I will tell you is this: I have, on MANY occassions in the past gotten deliberately drunk (to the point of ridiculous) the night before an extremely important event. Let me give you an example.
I am a lawyer. As part of the licensing process of becoming a lawyer in canada, you have to have an interview with a "Bencher" of the Law Society (they meet with you, see how you are doing, try to discern what kind of character you are etc etc. to make sure you are "fit" to take the next step to be called as a lawyer). WELL, the night before MY interview with my Bencher what did I do? I went out and got WASTED. I mean, until 4am wasted. WELL, I DID go to the interview as scheduled, and somehow with my inherent charm and wit (HAHA) ( come on, we have to make light of this after the fact or go crazy right??), I got through it and I guess she never knew it, by the grace of God. But I am telling you, I did not feel well, and I was TERRIFIED the whole time that she might smell the alcohol or somehow figure out that I wasent quite "right". I mean, one of the, arguably, most important days of my life to date at that point and I almost screwed it up to get DRUNK the night before, I mean, WHAT GIVES??
I mean, I could have SACRIFICED EVERYTHING I HAD WORKED FOR FOR 6 YEARS. If that's not self-sabotage, then I don't know what is.
And for what?
This is something I have only ever told 1 other person, who is a friend and who happens to have just celebrated her one year "birthday" in AA (she was also the type to "sabotage" everything at every opportunity. Now that she no longer drinks, she does not sabotage anymore).
I guess what I am trying to say is that I RELATE to what you are saying more than you know and that this is something that I have thought about a lot. I however, do not know WHY we do this. I do want to engage in counselling to figure this out.
Best of luck - hope this at least lets you know that you are not alone!
Hugs
Jen

[goingsobermum]

self sabotage

Hi,
This is just the sort of thing I do to, when I start to feel better I start drinking again to celebrate feeling better. duh!!!
I've recently started running of Thursday mornings with a friend and the fact that she is coming does now make me take care on Wednesdays as running hungover is sh*t.
Why do we do it? I'm not sure yet but I think we program our selves to think one way and need reprogramming as it were. I have an idea but am trying to program myself to reprogram myself! Confused now? So am I.
Suz

[4everakid]

self sabotage

thanks for the replies

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much, I am glad I am not the only one...although I knew I never was, but sometimes it is easy to think that way. This has been a question that has plagued my mind for ages. My family has often asked me why I do it (usually involves relationships, work, etc..) , and have warned me against it (although they do not know about the alcohol, nor the cigarettes, those I have kept secret...always redirected with other excuses). Especially being away from home, family and friends it is very easy to do. Very unnacountable. Although I think it is a deep routed issue. Thank you for sharing, I am learning more here than I can express in words. I will also try very hard to encorporate some of those thoughts and lessons into my life....it can't hurt...hopefully in a month I will be writing wth a new found joy...

sunshine and happiness