Family-

[BPleasant]

It's not my families responsibility to help me, I know this. But I am at a loss about how to handle this with them. My son is just angry at me, he doesn't get it, and he shouldn't have to get it. Did you(any of you) sit down and have a talk with your kids/husband/family?

[fluff]

Family-

BP- What did you tell your son? It's really hard to answer this -I just, through the years, told my kids how drinking can lead to addiction and that it does run in the family so, to watch out-especially at college. They are 13 and 15. They do know that I am not drinking-but I didn't sit down and tell them that. They knew I was on a low-carb diet and that alcohol is not allowed on that. I totally don't want to dwell on it and make it a big deal-it is to me-but they don't need that. They are also taught in school about drugs and alcohol and addictions-and the physical and mental effects of alcohol. They tell me this -when they come home from school-they're very smart. Maybe you should just quietly start your quitting without including everyone.
Luv, Fluff

[BPleasant]

Family-

Yes, I have done that before. Quietly. Wrote a small list for tomorrow. I looked on the site for the book etc... but it looks like I can get it a Barnes and Noble. Also, looked up kudzu and L-Glut.
I haven't really told the son that's angry anything. He just makes snide remarks from time to time. The older kids, in college have never had an interest in drinking, thank goodness. My 18 y/o daughter has been very good, she may have tried it but she understands that it dangerous. Many of her friends party, she does not. The next too, are 14 and 8. My 14 y/o is the one I really want to talk with, he needs more interaction and more understanding. For now, I will try to find him a book also.

[AAthlete]

Family-

In this case, actions speak way louder then words. Just be patient, as it is going to take time for them to believe that you are truly changing from the person that you have been. Let them know that you have a problem, that you are working a program to address it, and that over time you hope to be able to show them that you mean it.

Don't expect them to jump up and down after a week of sobriety - they've most likely seen that scene too many times. But if you are truly willing to change, they will eventually be back at your side and proud of you for what you've accomplished. Best of luck to you....

[stiteal]

Family-

Fluff, I really like what you said about the low carb diet and AL isn't allowed...I agree that doing this privately is the best route.

My long AF stretches have been the quiet ones. It's when I'm blabbing to people about my successes that I think my subconcious (sp?) wants me to fail, probably because I think I'll fail anyway, so why not now.

BPleasant, the idea of talking is scarry and delicate, especially with kids. I hope some of the pros will chime in here on this issue. I've not dealt with that directly in my 3 year battle with AL, so I won't give an opinion...just encouragement! Keep us posted!

[hart]

Family-

In my case I have a 15 year old stepson that doesn't live with us. He has seen Joe drunk and the worst was in Ireland....Evan was about nine and Joe and I were at his brother's house and we had been drinking. I can't remember what set Joe off, he doesn't do hard liquor often and he's a mean drunk when he does. He wanted to drive drunk with Evan and me to his ma and das. I said HELL No and Evan was not going anywhere. Evan was scared, I was furious and I thought Joe and his brother were actually going to have a physical altercation.

Joe did end up driving to his parent's house, ALONE. No mishap but that's just blind luck.

Evan has talked to me about that time throughout the years. And I told him that if he was ever scared to drive with Joe or me to stand by his own wishes and not do so. And that I would never drive drunk with him and Joe wouldn't normally he just has an unfortunate reaction to hard booze.

I also told him I was going AF to save money. He didn't ask if his dad was going to also, and since it's only been sporatic that he drinks I let Joe handle that.

I won't lie to Evan but I will direct him to ask Joe any questions directly.

So tonite I will be taking my drugs and hanging low......

[akgirl]

Family-

Hi BPleasant and :welcome:

I have a 14yo son and had a similar question a while back. I got a lot of great responses.

I will see if I can bump the thread for you.


Stick around, this is a wonderful place with tons of info and support.

[Doggygirl]

Family-

I don't have children so can't comment on talking with children about my own alcoholism.

I have listened to a few amazing young Alateen speakers. What I found shocking, and some here probably would too, is hearing their observations of alcoholic parent(s) and how it affects them. What I found most surprising was what they picked up on from very early ages.

Your children may realize that more is "wrong" than you think.

In the case of my husband and other adult family, I agree with AA. My sober actions over time meant far more than any words of regret I could utter for anything I did when drinking. And for me too that was more than a few days or weeks. I had to walk the walk. (and still have to each day)

DG

[BPleasant]

Family-

#
Children of Alcoholics, Information Program, Lucile Packard ...
Jan 27, 2005 ... This handbook offers tools for raising awareness about children of alcoholics, including fact sheets, a media guide, and talking points. ...
Children of Alcoholics, Information Program, Lucile Packard Foundation for Children's Health - Similar
#
Talking to Children about the Alcoholic Parent
Many parents do not want their kids subjected to the problems or the alcohol abuse. They are afraid of what might happen. This hard for the kids and when ...
www.articlesbase.com/.../talking-to-children-about-the-alcoholic-parent-984234.html - Cached - Similar

Okay, well, I am going to do some research. I want to talk with my 14 y/o because he really just thinks I can just not drink. He doesn't understand addiction and out of all of my children, he needs to know. He needs to understand, he doesn't monitor himself like the other kids but does ridicule and judge people. Oh, well, going to talk with his father about it tomorrow and get a parent game plan together.
It would be nice to hear from others about how they handled family and kids.

[BPleasant]

Family-

Thanks AKGirl... I will look for the thread bump.

DG I like reading the progress of others, thanks for posting. 5/08 gives me hope.

[SKendall]

Family-

BP, if your son is showing anger, you have to own up or his anger will grow and grow. He know something is wrong so don't confuse his with lame excuses. HE KNOWS! Please tell him the truth and that you are seeking help. That will do an awful lot to a teen who is confused about life anyway.

[fluff]

Family-

I would agree with SKendall- I didn't get in your post why your son was angry-but if it's about you and your drinking, then he does need to have a heart to heart. I guess my concern was, if you throw the " I'm not drinking" statement at them then they will be angry and disappointed if you can't live up to it. Have you thought of the two of you , maybe, seeking a family counselor? Sometimes a teen might be reluctant-but it could be helpful.
Best wishes,
Luv, Fluff