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    #1

    from bad to worse

    It would seem that I drank again last night even though I said I wouldn't. My husband was so angry. He said if I didn't stop, we were over.

    This is it....I NEED to stop. There aren't any choices here.....I want my family. I find myself so sad, and hurt. He's finally giving up on me....he always said he'd be there for me, and now he's bailing. How do I get over that feeling? I don't blame him. My father was/is an alcoholic and well, my mom left him, and he lost his kids. I don't want my kids growing up looking at me with the same disgust as I look at him.

    How did I get here? Why me?
    AF July 6 2014
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    #2
    from bad to worse

    Hi there Christy.
    I just read your post and have to say please please stop being the victim here, you CAN control your situation, dont let it get any worse.
    If you concentrate on asking why its you thats in this horrible predicament, you wont get yourself out of it.
    It seems as if you are handing your control over to the bottle, dont do it. Realise now that if YOU dont control IT you WILL lose everything. It really doesnt have to be that way.
    Come on girl, fight! :l
    Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
    Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

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      #3
      from bad to worse

      Right on, starty!

      Christy, what's your plan?
      sigpic
      Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

      Comment

        #4
        from bad to worse

        Hi Christy - this jumped out at me: "It would seem that I drank again last night even though I said I wouldn't."

        I have seen w/myself that there is something REBELLIOUS about drinking. And sometimes it's being rebellious against Ourselves (which seems impossible, but it's not). Sometimes I would drink the most (and the soonest) when I most firmly "told myself" I wouldn't drink!!

        I think it's helpful to think about that. Recognize when you're being rebellious.

        You also may be testing your husband (even if not deliberately). You said he'd "always be there for me" --- and maybe you're trying to see if that's really true, like you don't really believe him...

        Rather than trying (only) not to drink, it might be a good idea to try to understand some of your motivations.

        One of the ironies of drinking is that we often drink to feel "better", yet if we didn't drink, we'd feel better. We'd certainly have more self-worth. That, for me, is at the root of it.

        When we start changing our thoughts, it becomes easier to change.

        I wish you luck. You do not want to lose your family; please don't risk it.
        Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down... Anais Nin

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          #5
          from bad to worse

          Christy,

          My heart is hurting for you. I have watched you struggle here just like me.

          One thing I can say is that I learned a while back that the "why me" question doesn't do any good. We just are.

          Once you learn to accept that, you can make steps forward.

          The why me and the regrets trip us up every time. Just learn to accept that you are an alcoholic.

          If we weren't alcoholics, we would not endanger everything dear to us just to appease the addiction.

          Good luck.

          Love,
          Cindi
          AF April 9, 2016

          Comment

            #6
            from bad to worse

            startingover;800848 wrote: Hi there Christy.
            I just read your post and have to say please please stop being the victim here, you CAN control your situation, dont let it get any worse.
            If you concentrate on asking why its you thats in this horrible predicament, you wont get yourself out of it.
            It seems as if you are handing your control over to the bottle, dont do it. Realise now that if YOU dont control IT you WILL lose everything. It really doesnt have to be that way.
            Come on girl, fight! :l
            Hear Hear!
            Come on Christy -- you CAN do it.
            :l
            "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

            Comment

              #7
              from bad to worse

              hi christy,
              yes you can. keep posting and reading,share your thoughts & your feelings,this monster can be beaten.


              :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

              Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
              I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

              This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

              Comment

                #8
                from bad to worse

                Christi your human just start a new day with a new start
                https://www.mywayout.org/community/f8/my-story-some-40119.html My Story

                AF - 08/06/2010

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                  #9
                  from bad to worse

                  Hi Christy

                  Why Me ? Why Us ? Because we have unfortunately inherited the disease of alcoholism....and it sucks in plain English !

                  But anyway, I've been thinking....we have a disease where we DO have a CHOICE to drink or NOT to drink. Just think if we inherited some other horrible disease where we have no choice at all, and we cannot change the outcome.

                  This disease we can change the FINAL outcome if we really REALLY want to. There is proof right here. Look at all the long term abstainers on this forum. Do you think it was easy for them.....I don't think so. I'm trying to learn from them, and so should you. Stick around and best of luck :l
                  Miss October :blinkylove:

                  Comment

                    #10
                    from bad to worse

                    Instead of thinking that your husband is giving up on you consider that he is offering you a gift. He is offering you his ongoing love and commitment in exchange for your ongoing love and commitment to your family. I have been at the place you are. The place where you need to decide to put the person you have dedicated your life to ahead of your addiction. If you cannot do that your marriage can never be what it was meant to be.
                    What a blessing, to be at a point where you can make a life changing decision. Good luck.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      from bad to worse

                      Miss October;800905 wrote: But anyway, I've been thinking....we have a disease where we DO have a CHOICE to drink or NOT to drink. Just think if we inherited some other horrible disease where we have no choice at all, and we cannot change the outcome.

                      EXCELLENT POINT, MISS OCTOBER!!
                      Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down... Anais Nin

                      Comment

                        #12
                        from bad to worse

                        Thank you everyone. I appreciate all your thoughts and comments. Everything makes such sense
                        AF July 6 2014

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