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**MommyDearest72** · February 5, 2010, 01:46 PM

I Am Angry Because......

MommyDearest72;801636 wrote: I 've been wanting to drink for the last two days...I'm on day 15 AF. I had an aha! moment when I replied to a post I did from JimBeam11.I am crying now, big hot tears....I dicovered that I am ANGRY...SO ANGRY!!! I didnt know I was until I wrote it out. I'm giving myself permission to be angry here. These are some of the reasons why:
I sleep with men to make myself feel better and dont know how to say no
i have poor choices in friends
I dont want people around me
I could go to work more and dont
I was molested and can only remember feelings and pieces
I dont speak to my father and barely to my mother
I dont like my sisters
I have allowed people to misuse me, stay with me and take from me.
I alienated friends and destroyed relationships
I am hardheaded
I allow men to do bad things to me
I will continue this later....:upset:[/COLOR][/B]

...I dont like who I've become.:upset:

**startingover** · February 5, 2010, 01:48 PM

I Am Angry Because......

Hi there MD
You have an awful lot on your plate there.
Its good to write it down and get it out.
One thing worth remembering though, is you can change ALL that, its within your power.
Big hugs to you.

**Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)** · February 5, 2010, 01:49 PM

I Am Angry Because......

Hi MommyD I reckon you do with one of these :l

**JackieClaire** · February 5, 2010, 01:50 PM

I Am Angry Because......

Hi mommyD,

one from me too :l

**MommyDearest72** · February 5, 2010, 02:00 PM

I Am Angry Because......

I am angry because-
People would understand my pain if I had some large, gaping,bloody festering sore that they could see, but since its on the inside- It doesnt exist.

**BUNNY** · February 5, 2010, 02:12 PM

I Am Angry Because......

Unfortunately it does exist, and because it is inside it is even harder to heal. I believe that a lot of who we are today is a terrible consequence of the things we endured as children. Coming to grips with this is a HUGE step. Get it off your chest, it will only get better, you will only get stronger...:l

**IAD** · February 5, 2010, 02:23 PM

I Am Angry Because......

What I can see..... that the word "I" is being used a lot ! Take that word out and place it with (me) IAD....Complete your goals !!

**rosepetal** · February 5, 2010, 02:45 PM

I Am Angry Because......

MommyDearest, i applaud you for being able to open up and express where you are at. i too have many demons of my past i am just not brave enough to go there yet . i think that now that you allowed yourself to feel the pain it will help you to move forward. i myself am still struggling i know that once i can stay af i can work on the other issues, but one thing at time. :lSISTER:h

**Doggygirl** · February 5, 2010, 03:15 PM

I Am Angry Because......

MD it sounds like you have a lot of "wreckage of the past" to find a way to deal with. I know this might sound impossible at the moment, but my wish for you is that you find a way to forgive those who have wronged you, and to forgive yourself for those things you feel bad about. Unfortunately, nothing will change the past. All we have is right now. And a "now" filled with anger and resentment is no way to live.....YOU are the only one who ends up being miserable. The people who have wronged you likely don't think about it at all. It only eats you.

I had to let a lot of resentments go in order to find peace of mind. It has been very worth it to make amends for what I have done that is bad, and let the rest of it go.

Getting sober and facing all this stuff is not easy. :l

DG

**stiteal** · February 5, 2010, 03:29 PM

I Am Angry Because......

MD, I hope you feel at least a tiny bit relieved to get that off your chest...perhaps like a big exhale. Continue to write it down and listen to the sweet words from the crew here. We are all in the same boat and are dealing with the past issues, in additon to the present issues. It's a whole lot to swallow, but we'll get through it. I'm thinking about you!:l Hugs from me too! BTW, 15AF is amazing!!!! Get it out, girl and keep moving ahead!

**kimikk** · February 5, 2010, 03:43 PM

I Am Angry Because......

MD maybe for today, you could think of yourself as if you were a 5 year old, the awful things that happened to you, that you had no control of were not your fault, the other stuff is considered error and you can learn from it, you can forgive a 5 year old, you can forgive yourself, be KIND to yourself, be there for yourself, protect yourself, YOU deserve to be treated as a mother would treat her own daughter. At least for today, think nice things of yourself, say nice things about yourself, it seems to me you are on a very good path. take care-

**MommyDearest72** · February 5, 2010, 03:51 PM

I Am Angry Because......

:thanks:

kimikk;801722 wrote: MD maybe for today, you could think of yourself as if you were a 5 year old, the awful things that happened to you, that you had no control of were not your fault, the other stuff is considered error and you can learn from it, you can forgive a 5 year old, you can forgive yourself, be KIND to yourself, be there for yourself, protect yourself, YOU deserve to be treated as a mother would treat her own daughter. At least for today, think nice things of yourself, say nice things about yourself, it seems to me you are on a very good path. take care-

**MommyDearest72** · February 5, 2010, 03:52 PM

I Am Angry Because......

stiteal;801719 wrote: MD, I hope you feel at least a tiny bit relieved to get that off your chest...perhaps like a big exhale. Continue to write it down and listen to the sweet words from the crew here. We are all in the same boat and are dealing with the past issues, in additon to the present issues. It's a whole lot to swallow, but we'll get through it. I'm thinking about you!:l Hugs from me too! BTW, 15AF is amazing!!!! Get it out, girl and keep moving ahead!

Thank you...I'm going to do some laundry...but I'll be on here. I so need and appreciate your reply!:l

**Chillgirl** · February 5, 2010, 06:52 PM

I Am Angry Because......

MommyDearest72;801636 wrote: I 've been wanting to drink for the last two days...I'm on day 15 AF. I had an aha! moment when I replied to a post I did from JimBeam11.I am crying now, big hot tears....I dicovered that I am ANGRY...SO ANGRY!!! I didnt know I was until I wrote it out. I'm giving myself permission to be angry here. These are some of the reasons why:
I sleep with men to make myself feel better and dont know how to say no
i have poor choices in friends
I dont want people around me
I could go to work more and dont
I was molested and can only remember feelings and pieces
I dont speak to my father and barely to my mother
I dont like my sisters
I have allowed people to misuse me, stay with me and take from me.
I alienated friends and destroyed relationships
I am hardheaded
I allow men to do bad things to me
I will continue this later....:upset:[/COLOR][/B]

MD
How about:-
I no longer need to sleep with men to feel better
I am making better choices in the friends i make
I like being around the right people
I will go to work more
I am trying to heal my past
I do not need the aproval of my family
I am working to repair good relationships
I becoming more mellow
I choose how i am treated
:l

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