I'm so disappointed in myself!

[sick of being sick]

After 9 days of being AF, sick of alcohol, not desiring alcohol, promising I would never drink again, I got drunk. Will alcohol be a dark cloud hanging over my head, tempting me to drink for the rest of my life? My husband and I were doing so good and then we went to visit my family (2 hrs away). We worked for 3 days on our old house, trying to get it ready to sell. On our way home after all the stress of family, the pain of working and no sleep, my husband says he wants a drink. I wanted one REALLY bad, I just wasn't going to say anything because he was doing so good. So we bought a fifith, half of what we usually drink in one night. I wanted to "get drunk" so bad and feel nothing, that I was drinking so fast and I don't remember anything after the 3rd drink, even though we finished it off, of course. The next morning I woke up so sick, so disappointed, so angry at myself and so very frustrated. Now I have to start all over. Today is our 3rd day AF. I've also noticed that noone wants to be around us because "we don't drink". Will the temptation and desire to drink never go away? I need a sponser or a close friend, someone I can be accountable to. We live way out in the country. We have no neighbors and I have no friends. Neither of us work or have any hobbies. I need someone besides my husband who doesn't want me to talk about alcohol to talk to. Will you please be my friend? Thanks!

[startingover]

I'm so disappointed in myself!

Hiya S!
Yes the desire to drink does go away, but it takes a little time and a lot of effort unfortunately. BUT the rewards are so great its very worth it.
It sounds like to you need to make some changes in your life to make it more fulfilling?
What do you enjoy?

[Doggygirl]

I'm so disappointed in myself!

Hi sick of being sick. Boy I can relate to your screen name! Getting free of the grip of alcohol is not easy. If it were, I suppose there would be no need for this web site! But as startingover said, I think it's worth all the effort and difficulty it takes to get free.

It will not always be this hard.

Have you thought about downloading the My Way Out Book? That might help you get started on a workable plan. I look forward to getting to know you better.

DG

[more2life]

I'm so disappointed in myself!

Hi Sick,

The stress of getting a house ready to sell is enough to make anyone want to drink.

[Doggygirl]

I'm so disappointed in myself!

The good news is that we CAN learn to deal with life's ups and downs and stresses without alcohol. Lots of us are doing it, and you can too.

DG

[sick of being sick]

I'm so disappointed in myself!

Thank you for all your encouragement. What do I enjoy? I love people. I love helping people. I had a food ministry for 9 years. Unfortunately, I am now isolated in the country. When I got on this site on day 1, I was going to the ASAP and trying to encourage others. How do I download or order the way out book?
:thanks:

[startingover]

I'm so disappointed in myself!

How about doing some volunteering for a charity?
I think if you go to the health store, you can download it from there?

[Doggygirl]

I'm so disappointed in myself!

Sick, I think it's wonderful that you love to help others. All of us helping each other is really important to sobriety I think. I hope you will continue to share your experience here! I know you will help.

DG

[Lavande]

I'm so disappointed in myself!

Hi Sick,

Sorry to hear about your problems!
Great that you jumped right back on the wagon though.

Learning how to deal with life's problems without AL is part of the process - it's hard but doable!
Learning to reward yourself for something without AL is essential too!

Please feel free to drop in the 'Newbies Nest' thread for some extra support. Lots of folks there just getting started & some of us 'not so Newbies' as well.

Wishing you the best on your journey!
Lav

[jessie]

I'm so disappointed in myself!

:lHi Sick you are welcome to PM me if you need support.

[leaveinsilence]

I'm so disappointed in myself!

Hi honey:l

You're back on day 3 now and that's good and it's good your h/b is doing it with you even if her doesn't want to talk about it, theres no added temptation of the AL in your house. This is all a learning curve for us when we start out, next time you feel like you want to drink you can use this to remember how you felt and how you don't want to go back there again.

It's hard for all of us and if we do slip up we can choose to help it make us a little stronger next time we feel tempted..

Anyway hang in and stay strong:l

You know you can PM me anytime:l

[Doggygirl]

I'm so disappointed in myself!

Hi Sick. Hope you are waking up to a great start on sober Sunday! I thought I would share something about husbands not wanting to talk about getting sober, when maybe we wives DO want to talk about it. (I'm sure this can happen in the reverse way too...just some people tackle things differently..)

My husband and I have both quit smoking cigarettes (did not quit on the same date), and with the same sobriety date, I quit drinking AL and he quit smoking pot (and he was a BIG time pot smoker - it was bad for him like AL was for me).

In both of these endeavors, I needed a LOT of support which I got from internet communities (www.quitnet.com for smoking, and here at MWO for drinking) and for drinking support I also go to AA, which I find beneficial for me. My husband does NOT care to really talk about this stuff, nor did he want to seek internet or "real life" support groups. We both (so far) have been successful - just needed different things.

Thankfully, my husband respects and supports me in doing what *I* need to do to be successful, and I respect that he has a different way.

I don't know if that's helpful or not, but I was just thinking about it and wanted to come back to your thread and just let you know you are not alone, and that it doesn't have to be a barrier to your success.

All the best to you!

DG

[gyco]

I'm so disappointed in myself!

hi

sick of being sick;802271 wrote: After 9 days of being AF, sick of alcohol, not desiring alcohol, promising I would never drink again, I got drunk. Will alcohol be a dark cloud hanging over my head, tempting me to drink for the rest of my life? My husband and I were doing so good and then we went to visit my family (2 hrs away). We worked for 3 days on our old house, trying to get it ready to sell. On our way home after all the stress of family, the pain of working and no sleep, my husband says he wants a drink. I wanted one REALLY bad, I just wasn't going to say anything because he was doing so good. So we bought a fifith, half of what we usually drink in one night. I wanted to "get drunk" so bad and feel nothing, that I was drinking so fast and I don't remember anything after the 3rd drink, even though we finished it off, of course. The next morning I woke up so sick, so disappointed, so angry at myself and so very frustrated. Now I have to start all over. Today is our 3rd day AF. I've also noticed that noone wants to be around us because "we don't drink". Will the temptation and desire to drink never go away? I need a sponser or a close friend, someone I can be accountable to. We live way out in the country. We have no neighbors and I have no friends. Neither of us work or have any hobbies. I need someone besides my husband who doesn't want me to talk about alcohol to talk to. Will you please be my friend? Thanks!

hi sick,yea its an offel feeling,when your partner doesnt understand,i no just coming here has helped me,people here are very not so judgemental,many of us are where u are,and some of us are still there,i can suggest many things,see your doc,AA ,councillors and the list goes on,but all share with you somthin i lerned the other day,ive been inand out of AA for 10 years,i dont promote it.its somthin one has to find themselves,ive herd it for years,THE 1ST DRINK IS WHAT DESTROYS US, LADY SAID THT THE OTHER DAY AND IT WAS LIKE A BOLT OF LIGHTNING,I CANT HAV THE 1ST DRINK,I DO WISH YOU WELL GYCO

[sick of being sick]

I'm so disappointed in myself!

Thank you all so much for your encouragement. You are wonderful, caring people and I need that so bad! I didn't get any sleep last night because of the lack of alcohol, my former sleep aid and pain killer. I just laid there all night beating myself up for every mistake I have ever made and hurting my children and family members so much. I'm so thankful it is Sunday and the liquor stores are closed. I want a drink so bad. If I can just get through this first week, maybe I can make it. This time seems alot harder than last time. Today would have been my 14th day AF instead of my 4th. I'm so disappointed in myself, but I've got to pick myself up and start again, regardless of how tired I am and disappointed in myself. Thank you all for caring. Please stay in touch with me. Love ya!

[Doggygirl]

I'm so disappointed in myself!

Sick, all we can do about yesterday is learn from it. The only day we can really do anything about is TODAY. Worrying endlessly about the future doesn't do any good either. (beyond what's reasonable for a bit of planning / budgeting etc.) I had a tough time with that one.

For me, the more I can stay in "today" and focus on just making today the best it can be, focusing ONLY on those things that are within my control - those are my very best days. If I get all busy stressing about things I can't change - past events, other people, etc. then I just spin my wheels. If I "imagine" what things are going to happen tomorrow or in the future, I get upset.

Today is da bomb. Make yours a good one!

DG