Day 35 - Slipped up

[ThisWayOut]

I was AF starting Jan 1st. Friday night I slipped. For some unknown reason (to me), I ordered a drink at dinner. Which turned into 15. Still, don't know why. I was and am still totally committed to being AF. Now starting over - on Day 2 AF. When I slipped, I felt horrible - like I let myself and friends down. My promises were broken. I felt broken and a failure. I hurt people I cared about. I regret it more than anything. I admitted my failure immediately and now again AF again- Day 2. I still can believe it happened - I had no intention of doing it. It is the opposite of what I want. I am so happy being AF. I know I can't make a promise any more - hollow words... But, my actions (not drinking again) now hopefully will gain the trust of others. My words mean nothing now. I went to MWO chat and they helped me so much deal with this - I confessed my failure - and I am confessing here too. I am putting this incident behind me and moving forward in all the positive ways I was before I slipped. This is been a real eye-opener - I have to keep my guard up and not have "just one". I feel so happy not drinking - like a new person - a new life. Not going to slip again, ever. Sorry for anyone / everyone I disappointed / hurt. Now, I move forward and stay AF which is how I choose to live. Thank you for listening. TWO

[Sky]

Day 35 - Slipped up

TWO, you haven't hurt or disappointed anyone here on MWO. We understand. You are not a failure, nor did you fail. You drank and regretted it. You learned that you cannot drink. That is not failure. That is a learned experience. You had 35 days under your belt. That is fantastic! Just keep moving forward and be kind to yourself.

[ThisWayOut]

Day 35 - Slipped up

Thank you Sky, I am more committed now than ever. Like I said, I still don't know how this could possibly happen and still looking for an answer but also moving forward. The lesson I learned was the lesson I already knew, I can't drink AL and when I am AF I am so so happy. I want an AF free life now more than I did on Jan 1st. I was NOT struggling since Jan 1st - 35 wonderful days of my new AF life (expect for normal sleeping adjustments in the first week). Life is so so great AF, I just can believe the difference in how much better life is without AL. Why I slipped, I don't know - the only think that I can think of is I was feeling SO good, that perhaps my mind tricked me subconsciously into thinking 1 beer would be ok - a reward perhaps - but I still don't know.... I do know that it is not going to happen again - I was not struggling and I am not now - I Love my AF life and all the new positive opportunities it has given me and will give me in the years to come. Everything happens for a reason, and I honestly don't know (yet) why this slip happened to me because I was (and still am) so so positive and in control and had no desire to drink - no cravings - no intentions - just a bizarre event. I am fortunate. But, I have a problem, I hurt someone I care about tremendously and having a difficult time forgiving myself. She means so much to me and I have hurt her and shaken her believe in me. It tears me up inside to know I let her down. TWO

[Sky]

Day 35 - Slipped up

TWO, perhaps this slip happened because you ARE still in control and so positive about an AF life. It has strengthened your resolve. I was in control of my drinking a year ago and slipped and kept sliding. It took me nearly a year to get back on track. Believe me, it was much harder the second time.

I too hurt someone and their belief in me is still shaken, but I am earning back their trust by proving that I can remain AF. Actions speak louder than words.

[ThisWayOut]

Day 35 - Slipped up

Thanks Sky. Your right, actions speak louder than words. My actions will be my way to earn back trust.

[Rusty-576]

Day 35 - Slipped up

Believe Two......your actions speak volumes

[Chillgirl]

Day 35 - Slipped up

TWO
A good friend pointed out something very important to me at the weekend which was actually my own signature note:-
Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail...

There is not much else I want to say to you which I havent already said apart from maybe............

:loveyou:

[dancelot]

Day 35 - Slipped up

Hi, ThisWayOut -

It's a lesson it sounds like you learned from. Cunning, baffling, powerful - that is what AL is to us. Glad you are still here and are moving forward. Everyone of us really is "one drink away". Also know you didn't let anyone here down - we are all the same boat. By sharing your experience, you may be helping someone else and not know it.

Take care, much love! :l :h

[allswell]

Day 35 - Slipped up

When I was a kid I had PLENTY of bloody knees and elbows before I finally learned how to ride a skateboard. Even now, when I try to come up with an original musical piece, I will have a hundred ideas which are complete crap before I have one that might be worth further development. Point being perfection, or as close to it as possible, never comes without alot of trial and error. We all have a job now that is not going to be always easy, a few scrapes are going to happen.

[KateH1]

Day 35 - Slipped up

Hi TWO, It was great chatting with you the other night, we all shared on own stories of becoming alcohol free and finally living sober. You have such an honest and serious attitude towards this episode and finally finding Your Way Out. I agree with those above that have said, alcohol is cunning and baffling, because it truly is. I also agree that it is "Our Actions" that gain back the loss of trust, though it is difficult to be patient sometimes and let our actions prove our intent. You had 35 wonderful days of sobriety and I am certain that you will live alcohol free! This was truly a learning opportunity for you.

I wish you much success and happiness....I look forward to chatting with you soon! In the meantime, I am sending you a "Virtual Glass of Water with Lemon!!"

xx Kate

[Guitarista]

Day 35 - Slipped up

Bravo TWO. Back on track. Go for it!

[Lavande]

Day 35 - Slipped up

TWO,

Good for you for getting back on board! As long as we learn from our mistakes & make sure we don't repeat them.......everything is going to be OK

Drop in the 'Newbies Nest' thread, we'll be glad to help you any way we can!

Wishing you the best!
Lav

[stirly-girly]

Day 35 - Slipped up

Sky;802917 wrote: TWO, you haven't hurt or disappointed anyone here on MWO. We understand. You are not a failure, nor did you fail. You drank and regretted it. You learned that you cannot drink. That is not failure. That is a learned experience. You had 35 days under your belt. That is fantastic! Just keep moving forward and be kind to yourself.

TWO - Sky has said it in my words exactly - I couldn't have said it better. And Chill said it as well....Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail...You got tricked by AL, you just have to have your guard up better next time. Very few of us will NOT go through what you did but I believe few would have dusted themselves off and gotten back up as quickly as you did. It just shows how determined and committed you are...Be strong...:h...Stirly

[caysea]

Day 35 - Slipped up

Hi All
Way out you had a knock down happens to the best of sailors. Doesn't mean you end the sail. Regroup right the ship and get back on course. Which you have. Knock downs happen for various reasons we learn and don't repeat the same error.

Stay Healthy and Keep Healthy
AF 5-16-08

[Doggygirl]

Day 35 - Slipped up

Good for you getting right back on the wagon and not letting one bad decision take you down indefinitely. (been there, done that!) I too had to learn the hard way that this is not now, nor ever will there be "just one." While I wouldn't wish your experience (and I had one too) on my worst enemy, sometimes I think there is value in knowing FOR SURE that we are NOT somehow magically "fixed" after a little bit (or a long bit) of sober time.

Onward!

DG