Here I go again...

[M22]

Here I go again...

I"M STUCK AGAIN!! I CAN"T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!

Hi Everyone,
I haven't post for a while because I went as far as 3 AF and fell off and can't seem to get back. The weird part is that I don't want to drink. I look to feel sober. I love the accomplishment and the satisfaction of not drinking. Why WHY can't I stop? Maybe I need some medication? Is it depression? Should I seek help from a therapist? Please tell me what to do. I know this is horrible to say but sometime I wish that I got hurt or sick to a point of hospitalization so that I have no choice but to go AF for a while. I need a break. My husband just created his man room and it has a full stocked bar and not to mention the fridge full of beer all the time and the Tab machine.
Has anyone ever thought of rehab? Does anyone see the show Intervention? I am hooked to that show and it gets me soooo sad and depressed but can't help it. It's almost as if I justify my drinking" OHHH, I'm not that bad therefore I can drink"
I don't know what to do. I was considering reaching out to family like my mother but they are so judgemental. I DON"T KNOW!!!! I'm stuck YET AGAIN!!
:headbanger:

[Doggygirl]

Here I go again...

M22, I'm sorry you are feeling so frustrated.

As far as the "I'm not really that bad" type thinking, I know I did a lot of that and I think it's safe to say many of us here have thought like that. It's not very helpful as you have already figured out. The only difference between the level of consequences of my own drinking (before I stopped), and the level of consequences of a homeless/jobless person's drinking is TIME. That's all. I'm convinced that if I started drinking again, I would very quickly start experiencing negative consequences of an increasingly bad nature.

If you are willing to consider rehab and think it would help you, why not do it? I would. If I had exhausted other options, I would try it in a heart beat. I hope others here who have been to rehab and are successfully sober see your thread and chime in. There are a number of people here at MWO who have gone that route.

Is your husband supportive of your need to quit drinking? That sounds like a lot of alcohol to have around when you have decided you need to not drink. Would he be willing to get the AL out of the house at least for awhile, until you reach a point way down the road where that would be easier to handle? If not, just know that you CAN quit drinking despite his well stocked "Man Room."

Have you downloaded the My Way Out book? If not, I recommend that. If so, maybe get it out for another read?

Quitting drinking is really hard. If it were easy, none of us would be her. You CAN do this. The only way to fail is to stop trying.

DG

[M22]

Here I go again...

Will it ever happen for me?

Thanks DGirl,
I have tried talking to my husband I have been in tears telling him that I have a problem. He keeps tellling me that I don't have a problem because I am not in the street drinking I am in my own home and that I am not hurting anyone. He also drinks. He drinks beers everyday. I am scared for him but I also know he has control ie. If he is not feeling well he will take medication and watch movies and just chill out. Not me, I will pass on the medication because I need and want to drink. I don't think he know just how much I drink because I hide my bottles of wine and toss them when he is at work. All he says is just to slow down. He also believes that I don't have a drinking problem because I won't drink beer or hard liquor, only red wine. I just realized that another way of me justifying my drinking. I have no friends because I am embaressed of all the dumb things I've said or done. Girl, how do I start? How did I get here? Most important how do I get out?
I am desperate. I know it's a long hard process. I can live with that If just I knew in my heart that somewhere down the line it is really going to work. I don't want to live like this for ever. Unfortunetly, I have no choice for now. I've failed. I will again.

[JackieClaire]

Here I go again...

oh M22,

It really takes time for someone to understand that we are not drunks who sit on park benches drinking out of a brown paper bag.

Beer,red wine,white wine,vodka,rum is all alcohol (or ethanol to be scientific, just fancied up to make it taste nice).

When I was finally brought to my knees I finally admitted to my Dr how truly dreadful my problem was. The 7/7/09. I got to the point when I didn't care what was on my medical records. I had to get my life back.

My life.... with out my life back I was no use to neither man nor beast.

J x

:l

[Doggygirl]

Here I go again...

Again, the ONLY way to fail is to stop trying.

Are you drinking right now? If so, maybe a good start would be to pour it out and get a big glass of water, and just focus on not drinking from now until you go to bed.

Then tomorrow, just decide to not drink - only for tomorrow. Just take it one day at a time.

I know what you mean about finding yourself alone without friends. My drinking led me to isolate myself too. The good news is that you CAN recover. If I can, you can.

With all due respect, your husband is incorrect on a couple of points. It's not WHAT you drink that makes alcohol a problem. Wine, beer, hard liquor, mouth wash can all be problems if it contains alcohol. And if YOU say drinking is a problem for YOU, then it is.

(nothing against your husband)

Since you mentioned it before, is rehab really an option for you? Are you considering that?

DG

[JackieClaire]

Here I go again...

M22,
Sorry forgot to mention I was a home drinker too. Only venturing out for refills and if I ever went out socially I had already had at least a bottle of wine (didn't care what colour in the end). People used to think I was such a light weight because a couple of drinks out and I was well and truly hammered.
J x
:l

[M22]

Here I go again...

Record playing

No. I don't think so. Rehab is not an option. I need to look elsewhere. I did 3AF days and I think of it all the time. I want to be there again. I don't know how but maybe today would be a good day to take a step forward." who am I kidding, How many times have I said this? I will go all week with no AL then comes the weekend and CRASH. I don't know how to do a weekend no AL. Growing up in my family weekends were for drinking and socializing.
This is my tune of a broken record.
M

[Doggygirl]

Here I go again...

M22, have you read the My Way Out Book? It's only about $12 and you can download it from the Health Store here and get started reading right away. The official My Way Out program is outlined, and I think that is worth knowing about so you can decide about some things to incorporate into your own plan. I think it's really important to have a PLAN. (I used to wake up every single day for years and years and HOPE not to drink that day. It didn't work - just waking up and hoping was NOT a good enough plan for me!)

Each of us has to find our own plan that works, but here are the things that worked for me and are part of my own plan today:

* The supplements recommended in the My Way Out book
* L-Glutamine is only one of those supplements (and I like the whole program) but L-Glutamine can be particularly good for easing an urgent craving. I like the powder form rather than the capsule form.
* EXERCISE!!!! That is my best friend. Endorphins are good. Getting out of the house is good. talking to other women at the gym is good.
* I eat a diet that is low in sugar and highly processed food. I try to eat mostly meats, vegetables, fruits, nuts, stuff like that. (although early on, eat whatever helps you not drink!)
* I check in at this forum every day. Good days, bad days, all days.
* I go to AA meetings and have enjoyed making new friends there that don't drink, so we do things together that don't involve drinking.

This doesn't have to be YOUR plan. You just need to have A plan and then modify it until you find what works for you.

One day at a time is a really good approach. Don't worry about yesterday. Don't worry about tomorrow. Just today and not drinking.

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

DG

[M22]

Here I go again...

thank you.

Hi Girl,
You are on point. I'm always so worried about judgement. I haven't had a drink tonight. I always wait until 8pm for my kids to go to bed but I'm not having a drink tonight. I am going to get the plan and work on it. Please keep in touch... your words are really inspiring to me.
M

[sisley]

Here I go again...

I hear ya New York, Sisley here in Nashville...I too had a busy day, even went to the gym, worked out..
but instead of rewarding myself while cooking dinner and have a cocktail, this is what Im doing...finding
comfort here...even tho Im frustrated..and want some al...none is in the house so this is the only relief...your not alone!!! keep posting...it helps.

Sisley

[Doggygirl]

Here I go again...

M22;811220 wrote: Hi Girl,
You are on point. I'm always so worried about judgement. I haven't had a drink tonight. I always wait until 8pm for my kids to go to bed but I'm not having a drink tonight. I am going to get the plan and work on it. Please keep in touch... your words are really inspiring to me.
M

M22 I'm so happy to hear that you decided not to drink just for tonight. I know you will feel really really good about this decision in the morning! I hope you have a good evening and enjoy the time with your family.

DG

[Funny Girl]

Here I go again...

Personally, tonight I've got a date with "Ben & Jerry" . . . . not sure that's a smart substitute, but I sure am looking forward to it!

[M22]

Here I go again...

Two Worlds one life.

Ok I have a question.
How do you combine two world into one? As soon as I get home at about 5pm. I am craving wine. but I also fantasize about the fact of being sober at 7 pm to watch a movie or foodnetwork with my daughter. I love to watch tv in my bed sober and actually remember what I am watching. If I can eliminate 5-7pm every night I will be fine. I think I should get a hobby. I'm stuck again. I really love to be sober. Honestly, the taste of wine is getting boring but I crave it. I know I have a problem. Anyone?

M

[Meech]

Here I go again...

Hang in there M22. Don't drink tonight!

When your head hits the pillow tonight make it a sober one!

Talk to you tomorrow when you are AF1 and feeling so fantastic when you wake up!

You can do it!

[mama bear]

Here I go again...

wanna chat anyone...?????M22 it may help....I'll log in and see who shows up