Catasphrophic Binge... I am so done.

[Oscar]

Hi All,

I went into town and ended up doing shots after bingeing heavily on Brandy... went back to my apartment (I had a friend staying) and i blacked out, resulting in me being violent and woke in the morning with a vague recall of throwing him out...

I was so hungover and felt terrible in the morning... i have just learned that during the fight i broke his nose and gave him a black eye... i am mortified because i am the most gentlest and kind person ever sober.

I have emailed apology twice but because of me and my drinking i have lost a friend for good.

I usually drink once a week/fortnight but lately have been more indulgent, depressed and even had fleeting suicidal thoughts...

Still in bed on day 2 and starting to feel somewhat human again but i have joined here because i am through and i need support to start over... i can't be a 'normal' drinker, Lord knows i have tried enough times...

I am so depressed and full of remorse and so ashamed i can't even begin to describe... what i did to my friend was unforgiveable... i just received a text that simply said:

No wonder you have no friends.

I hate myself.

[christyacc]

Catasphrophic Binge... I am so done.

Welcome Oscar. That sounds like you had a terrible night. We all understand your feelings. We have all been there. You need to forgive yourself. You have come to a great place and we 'get it'. You can't undo what happened so you need to get up brush yourself off and get better.

We're all here for you!!!

[redhibiscus]

Catasphrophic Binge... I am so done.

We have all done things we regretted. I am so sorry for you and your friend. Know that you can start changing your life now if you choose. Read as much as you can on this site, look at the tool box under the monthly abstinence section, it has so many good ideas and shows you how others have started their alcohol free (AF) journey. You might buy the book My Way Out, it is really helpful. Good luck to you.

[mama bear]

Catasphrophic Binge... I am so done.

Oscar, I too have hated myself many, many times. We are here for you. Feel better, take care of yourself and lean on all your new friends here. We don't judge

[JackieClaire]

Catasphrophic Binge... I am so done.

Hey Oscar,

You can't undo yesterday, I'm afraid but you can plan for tomorrow.

Click on the link below to help you get started on your journey.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

Believe me when I say we have all walked in your shoes at one time.

You've found a place where no one judges,masses of support.

Wishing you all the luck in the world.

J x

:l

[Mazzie]

Catasphrophic Binge... I am so done.

Hi Oscar

Those feelings you have now - you can use those to cultivate a real hatred for al. See al for what it is - a destroyer of everything good. You have this chance to start again - a new af life. Lots of help here so stick round, read a lot and post a lot. Forgive yourself!

[greeneyes]

Catasphrophic Binge... I am so done.

Welcome, oscar (and mama bear). If it's OK, this goes for both of you. Great step to come here for help to get your life back! You need a plan. What you will find here is a group of people to offer support of you as you try to follow that plan. People who can offer suggestions, give warnings (having been down the road), advice, answer questions, etc. But you do the work. So why don't you start by reading the book. You can download RJ's book from the Health Store at the top of this page for about $12. You need to get an idea of HOW to quit drinking and do so safely. You'll feel a lot beter if you eat well, rest up (sleep is going to be elusive), exercise a bit and drink more water than you thought possible. RJ talks a good bit about a supplement regeime. That is extremely important. Best of luck to you. Holler for help.

[Oscar]

Catasphrophic Binge... I am so done.

Thank you.

I have been online reading for help all day... i read that i *HAD* to forgive myself... or i would worsen my depression... but how could i do such a terrible thing?

THIS.HAS.GOT.TO.STOP

I do not expect forgiveness... people without Alcoholism do not understand, my Mother is/was the worlds worst yet as a kid i never understood why she drank...

I feel i am on the very brink of developing a serious chronic problem... my brother is chronic and he has been in prison and has to be hospitalized every time he picks up a drink... i just can't go that far... i swore i never would.

I simply MUST stop now... i am 39 in 4 days time... i need to start taking responsibility, day by day hopefully i can rebuild and help others too...

[Bandit]

Catasphrophic Binge... I am so done.

Hi Oscar,

Just wanted to say hi and add a few words of support.

I haven't been on here for awhile and thought I was doing good but had a major binge about a week ago-had been drinking all afternoon and by the time by husband got in from work I was passed out on the couch, wine spilt all over the floor. Kids had to get themselves something to eat and get themselves to bed(they are only 7 and 5). My husband had a friend with him too which added to the whole humiliation of it all. My husband did not talk to me for 2 days and my son begged me the next morning never to act like a baby again.

I vowed that day never to feel that bad ever again or to leave my kids in a situation where I cannot look after them. Hard part though is as the days progress I tend to start to feel like oh ok you can have a drink but I know I cant. I have just returned from one of my first nights out sober and it was so bloody hard, I must have stared at the wine bottle all night, I had to leave my husband there and come home early. But I am so glad I have done it and I know I will wake up feeling good tomorrow.

I know you are embarressed about your friend but you need to think about you now and be your own friend

Good luck
Bandit:h

[Bandit]

Catasphrophic Binge... I am so done.

Hi again Oscar,

Just cross posted with you.

I try to not think about it as forgiving myself anymore as I know I am normally a very kind and caring person. I have done tons of great things too. Instead I now think of it as doing something good for myself.

I watched a really awful couple of documentaries on you tube earlier today about people with chronic alcoholism and it really helped me not to drink tonight. I think they were called 'Rain in my heart'..Starting Over I think posted the link to them awhile back. They were so sad and I could see so much of myself in them which scared me so much

Bandit:h

[Oscar]

Catasphrophic Binge... I am so done.

Thank you Bandit and well done for picking yourself up again... that horrible feeling of 'can't' is hard i know... but the beauty is we can all become better people if we know that what we want is actually the last thing we want... we are just chasing an illusion... and the consequences are rarely what we want, just the damned opposite.

I will not forget the other night, i will journal about it tomorrow and keep that journal going... so i can remember the utter shame and regret... and how i hurt my friend and myself in the process becuase of what? Pouring poison down my throat.

I bet your kids love their sober Mom so much.:l

[greeneyes]

Catasphrophic Binge... I am so done.

Oscar, do move on from the event though. Be positive in nature with your thoughts. Visualize youself as glowing with vibrant health and well being. Peaceful and happy. Joyful with life. I'm at someone elses house right now and on the desk is a desk ornament that says "Whether you think you can, or think you can't , you're probably right" Give that some thought and think about your plan. Right?

[dancelot]

Catasphrophic Binge... I am so done.

Oscar;805049 wrote:
I will not forget the other night, i will journal about it tomorrow and keep that journal going... so i can remember the utter shame and regret... and how i hurt my friend and myself in the process becuase of what? Pouring poison down my throat.
:l

Hi, Oscar and welcome. I agree - you can use this experience for a positive change. Many have done it, you can too. I found staying close to this forum in the first days very helpful. Take care and much love. :h

[byebyebridgetjones]

Catasphrophic Binge... I am so done.

Not much more I can say Oscar.
I understand (perfectly) how you feel. I've done some seriously shitty things while drunk.
I know it sounds trite, but try to visualise the new life you are going to put together for yourself, in as much detail as you can. How you'll look, feel, the things you'll be doing.
I'm finding this really helpful.
There's a better life for all of us on the flip side.
Bridget.

[greeneyes]

Catasphrophic Binge... I am so done.

That is absolutely a great thing to do bridge! Even get a corkboard or scrapbook and cut out pictures of things you want to be, do, see, achieve, whatever! It helps to make the visualization more concrete.