Cringing as I write this

[Reenie]

I'm at work right now jotting down my schedule for the next 2 months. I feel like puking. Fortunately, I'm working on St. Patrick's Day, yet I just had a flash back as to what I did to my husband the same time last year. It was a warm day in NJ. I got bombed as I was outside gardening. He came home to find me drunk as a skunk. He told me he was embarrassed by me. Oh God... How is see this. If I were in his shoes, I would not put up with me. Will I ever get over my guilt? Will I ever be forgiven? I pray so hard that I can live a sober life. I look back at the past 5 years. They have been a living hell, not only for me, but my husband and family.

[greeneyes]

Cringing as I write this

Rennie, start by forgiving yourself. I completely understand how that happens having done it countless times myself. I never did it intentionally. I just can't stop. I can never have the first one because I have proved over and over what will happen. So forgive yourself and work on understanding that aspect of this whatever you want to call it. You can do it!

[mama bear]

Cringing as I write this

Rennie....forgive yourself or ifit helps talk to God and know he forgives you. YOur husband is still there so you must have a strong marriage. Tell him how you feel....talk about it....that sure helps me.

[Meech]

Cringing as I write this

Today is the first day of the rest of your life

Hi Reenie,

Like others have said you can't do anything about the past now. And going over the emabarassing, shameful things you've done in the past over and over....how's is that helping you right now? It's not. It just makes you "cringe" and feel terrible.

Trust me, I re-live those horrible embarassing things I've done while drunk in the past and it only make me feel terrible too. I think you've justified putting enough hours into feeling guilt and shame that you owe it to yourself to put that behind. You can't change what happened. I block out the past and feel a new sense of freedom and excitement that I am giving myself a second chance to have the life I am proud of.

The rest of your life you can change. You have a choice in everything you do from this point on. And we are here to help, cheer, support you. Make it you best, you deserve it.

The past is history. Today is a present, and make today the best it can be for you.

We are here for you! :l

[Reenie]

Cringing as I write this

Thanks all... Great advice. In order for me to get better I must move forward and not look back. I'm excited about my new freedom. I was free from AL for "8 months" well over a year ago..... life was so much better for me at the time.