9 days af

[hillsidetime]

Hi there, I have made it through a weekend, and am 9 days sober. It has helped a great deal reading the many responses, and threads, and chatting with many of you.

My headaches seem to have stopped, and my weekend seemed to last so much longer when sober. It was great not being paranoid about being pulled over by the police, or breathing on someone with my beer breath.

My wife has no concept of what I am going through. She does not give me positive feedback, it's weird. She laid a guilt trip on me, that now we can't have a romantic meal with a glass of wine. She wants our relationship to be improved instantly, and some issues with our kids fixed instantly - and I am BATTLING TO NOT DRINK. Oh well, I am going to start by trying to rid myself of the bad habit I had, and then I will try to work on the other stuff.

What is a good milestone that I can aim for now? Two weeks? Other? Is it normal that I seem to be eating a little more "junk food" right now in the early going? It helps keeps my mind off of alcohol at night.

Thanks for reading my thoughts,
Hill

[Gold]

9 days af

Well done on the 9 days AF, a great start. A milestone that many people set for themselves is 30 days. I have found that the more AF days I have behind me the less I can see the point of drinking at all.

I have found myself eating biscuits and so on which I never did before. I think that this is another symptom of why I drank in the first place, initially it is most likely a physiological effect, but if it continues then looking into why that might be could be helpful.

Perhaps your wife is feeling a little afraid within herself at the changes she is seeing in you, hence her reactions.

Keep going

[Flip Top]

9 days af

Hi mate well done on the 9 days, I have given up for a month before which was my target, it does get easier, I found that after 2 weeks I did fancy a beer but I just said no and then you seem to be more against the cravings and I managed to battle on and I even went out to the pub with friends for the whole day and didnt drink a thing apart from lemonade and juice.

I've always thought would it be better for me to give it up completely ot just to moderate but i am starting to feel now al does nothing for you and so maybe it might be the best option to give it up completely.

The food issues read this thread
https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...cure-5231.html its all true trust me, you are what you eat.

[DAMO]

9 days af

Well done hillside, I would aim for 30.
Staying on here helped me a lot and Allen Carrs books "No More Hangovers" and Easyway.
I lasted 45 days but messed up at the weekend which I now regret as I have to start again, but I am going to get back sober.
I have similar problems with my wife, maybe a long chat with her would help and ask her for support.
I suppose you not drinking will affect her social life in the beginning, but, long term I am sure her life will improve with you not drinking.
All the very best, trust me, it gets easier, and ALL aspects of your life will improve.

[Lavande]

9 days af

Hi Hill,

Congrats on your 9 AF days - feels great, doesn't it?
Set your sights on 30 days then see how you feel. When I hit my 30 days I decided to stay AF, no regrets whatsoever

I envy the people who have completely supportive spouses, many of us don't! I decided to be a bit selfish for the first time in my life, just focus on my wants & needs. I've asked my husband to keep his beer & cigars out in the very expensive garage he had built for himself several years ago. He practically lives out there anyway. The house is now smoke & AL free - just the way I want & need it to be now
Your wife can still enjoy a glass of wine with dinner - it really doesn't matter what is in your glass!

Best wishes for continued success!

Lav

[Doggygirl]

9 days af

Congrats on your 9 AF days hillside! I too think 30 days AF is a great goal to start out with. Have you talked honestly with your wife about your drinking problem? Alcohol addiction is progressive. Whatever the problems are today with drinking, they are most likely going to get worse in the future if you keep on drinking. That does not bode well for the lives of our families!

Lav is right that what you are drinking or not drinking doesn't have to impact her choices. A good example I often hear for that is "just because my wife is on a diet doesn't mean I can't eat cake. And just because I must stay AF doesn't mean she can't have a drink."

All the best to you,

DG

[hillsidetime]

9 days af

Hi there, thanks to all of you for your thoughts. It looks like 30 days is the milestone you all recommend. That seems a bit more of a challenge than one week did, however, I am going for it. One difficult thing in particular, when I envision up-coming events, such as hockey tournament and fishing trips etc sometimes my mind does play tricks on me. My mind doesn't seem to want accept the idea that I can do these things sober, its weird. My mind seems to be like Golum, on the lord of the ring movies, when the bad guy inside of him keeps chirping away bad advice. My drinking side of the the brain keeps chirping away about how I can handle drinking in moderation or in binge, but I know that I can't. I have one speed, I drink a lot or I don't.

In regards to my wife, we have talked about my alcoholism many times, and she hates it when I drink, and it has been a huge problem in our relationship. GOLD you may be correct about how she is feeling. I also wonder if she is a little afraid that I might take away her golden arrow. Every time, over the past 10 years, whenever she gets really mad about anything, she attacks me and me drinking. If I was to stay sober, she would no longer have that weakness of mine to attack. I don't know, just a thought. And you guys are right, it's not what's in the glass that is supposed to create romance, and I don't have to go on her diets if I don't want to.

Thanks so much for your time and caring thoughts,
Hill

[Doggygirl]

9 days af

Hillside time, if a 30 day goal seems daunting, another way to go about this is just one day at a time. Focus on not drinking TODAY. Don't worry about the future and the hockey tournament next month and the vacation next summer etc. etc. Just focus on not drinking today.

As those todays add up and life gets better, don't forget what the consequences are if you choose to drink. That makes the daily choice a bit easier. I KNOW my life is good and is manageable, even on a bad day, if I stay sober. I KNOW that if I drink, it just makes any problems I might have WORSE. I KNOW that if I drink today, I'm setting myself up for a bad day today, a hangover tomorrow, and who knows how long a time of battling cravings and urges and such that come with "starting over."

When I first came to MWO, I didn't "get" the one day at a time thing. But I came 'round to viewing my own sobriety this way so figured it might be another way for you to look at it.

I also think your observation about your relationship with your wife is an interesting one. Sometimes change is unsettling even when it's for the better. My husband and I both used to smoke. I swore I would NEVER quit. When he decided to quit, I knew it was the best for his health, but also had a part of me that wished he didn't quit for selfish reasons. We are people and we are complicated sometimes!

Anyway...have a great sober day today!

DG

[hillsidetime]

9 days af

Thanks Doggygirl, I do appreciate your thoughts. You make a good point, some days, if the only battle I can fight is "today", I should fight for being af today. Not focusing on upcoming events, that usually involved getting tanked, is a good idea. Whenever those thoughts come to mind, I am going try to get rid of them.

You are right about consequences. Me and drinking are a bad mix. Not only was drinking slowly shortening my life, killing my brain cells, but it made me almost lose so much of my freedom and so much of what I love about life. I am starting to realise that when I drink, I am chosing to live life with a handicap. I have to live life paronoid about what I say, paranoid about acting sober, about not getting pulled over, about not killing myself young...there is no real positive.

The real positives in my mind, such as the "social times" "fun with buddies etc" seem to be as much a creation from my mind and memory, and from media, as they are from reality. I just need to break the habit of having beer associated with so much of what I did. Beer when I mowe the lawn, beer when I clean the garage, beer when I have had a good day, bad day, long day etc.

Thanks for listening,
Hillside
Day 11 af

[Miss October]

9 days af

Hi HST,

First congrats for 11 AF days ! I know how hard that is. I ditto that we need to focus on just today. We waste to much time thinking about what we did in the past, and what we are going to do in the future.

So just for today, I will enjoy today alcohol free. I hope you do the same :l

Miss O.

[Doggygirl]

9 days af

Hi Hillside! Congrats on another day of FREEDOM!! I think you are so right about the mental images we have of our drinking experiences v. the reality of them. There is a saying I like called "play the tape all the way to the end." For me, that means not just recalling the (very brief) GOOD feeling of a drinking experience, but if I'm going to think of it, make sure to think of ALL of it. After the pleasant little buzz feeling, I need to remember the paranoia of "acting" sober and not slurring and not getting pulled over (all the stuff you mentioned) ALL the way through to the hangover the next day. And any other consequences like trying to remember what I did, realizing I did a drunk dial / e-mail. Dealing with someone I pissed off, etc. When I "play the tapes to the end" mine are mainly horror flicks!

I too felt overwhelmed at first about just getting through the basics of life. I drank through pretty much everything by the end. Cleaning house, talking on the phone, making dinner, yard work etc. etc. At first it was hard tackling some of those things without a drink near by. But it's like anything else in life, we learn through practice. Trust me - if you dive in and just MAKE yourself start doing things without a drink, even though it's hard, you WILL get used to it. With some repetition, you will think less and less about drinking through these things until you think about it rarely if ever. It takes awhile, but it DOES happen.

You seem to have a great attitude which is IMO a huge part of winning this war. Onward for another AF day!

DG

[overittoday]

9 days af

Hi Hillside times :goodjob:
Well done on your 8AF days. Keep strong and i agree focuss on today the rest will come as it comes. When those dangerous times come you with deal with them. Just do what you have to do for today. Learn, learn, learn each day from books, other experiences and as time passes you will suprise yourself about how much more you have learnt and how to best deal with you tricky situations.
I have seen it in the past with friends and partners sometimes it "better then devil you know than the one you don't". Put yourself first and then everything else will fall into place.
Good luck with your journey

[hillsidetime]

9 days af

Hi there, and thanks for your thoughts everyone. There is truth in all your responses, and it helps me get my army ready to fight the day, and stay af. I will continue to focus on one day at a time. I love the saying from Doggygirl, "play the tape to the end". My mind plays tricks on me, and only show me the highlites from the tape it wants to see. My mind keeps thinking of the small portion of the night where the buzz was just right, and the people just right. It doesn't play the tape to the end. In addition, it does not remind me of the countless nights I got drunk by myself.

Well the weekend is here, and I know it will be tough. I will stay strong. My headaches still seem to come and go a little bit in the afternoon, I thought they were done, but maybe not quite yet. Have a great weekend,
Hill

[Doggygirl]

9 days af

Hi hillside. Boy in the later years of my drinking I did most of it alone. I didn't even try to pretend with others I was "normal" in my drinking. Just went straight for the bottle - some days skipped the coffee. So if I can get through weekends sober, and lots of people here who over drank can get through weekends sober, I know you can too!

Do you have a plan for the weekend? Hopefully some good activities lined up that fit well with an AF lifestyle. Hopefully NO (ideally) or very limited social situations that might tempt you at this stage. (put your sobriety first, even if you have to bow out of some things for awhile!) If you HAVE to go to social events where AL will be, do you have a plan for how to get through it without drinking? (i.e. eat before going, arrive late, plan to leave early, decide in advance what you will drink that is non-AL....)

YOU CAN DO THIS!! That tape really is a bad one when we watch the whole thing, isn't it?

DG

[hillsidetime]

9 days af

Hi Doggygirl, thanks for your thoughts. I had a tough day yesterday, but I made it. I chatted with the gang last night, it helped. Yes I do have lots on the go this weekend, so I won't be idle.

I had such a bad habit, that I would pretty much have a beer open all the time on weekends. Glass of wine when I cooked, beer in my garage when I was working. I had a lot of years of getting a glow on, and keeping it gently rolling - and fire it up later at night. That was a bad habit I know, but I enjoyed it - somehow, my mind enjoyed it. I did not enjoy the fact that alcohol, and my decision making with it, has almost cost me my life, my license, my dignity, my marriage, my kids...

This morning I feel better. I want to have a great weekend, a great weekend being af.

Hill