i have been a hi functioning alcoholic. sometimes i barely function. i started drinking after taking antidepressants when my mom was ill with lung cancer, not sure if that had anything to do with it but dr gave me wellbutrin. before that i was your typical take it or leave it. do not know what happened to me. so i started drinking daily when my mom got ill and went to detox once when i got so sick that i could not drink anymore and got very ill, did not know that i was in detox. i was vomiting, blood pressure high, heart pounding, ended up at the urgent care and was admitted for 3 days. was shocked that i was in detox. i had tried to drink but everytime i tried i vomited. i stayed sober after that for 8 months then tried a glass of wine and it was all downhill from there.
now i am back to drinking every day, various amounts but currently down to 1/2 pint of vodka, although i could drink a full pint easily plus a few beers.
i am a single mom, with 2 kids, one 23 and one 11. when my mom and then my dad got sick, both around the same time, i folded and started drinking daily. then i lost my job due to downsizing and then it really escalated. i continued to drink through the sickness and then deaths and ended up in detox in summer of 2008. i had a glass of wine in dec 08 and has been downhill from there. i came on here several days ago and just started reading, although i am a little confused about the program still. i have found everyone here very wonderful! yesterday was my daddys 3rd b day in heaven. but now that hard day is past` i was very very close to both my parents. i am tired of blacking out almost nightly, tired of feeling not very sober in the morning driving to work, tired of being tired. my daily stop is to get coffee and to get rid of the evidence from the night before. despite my efforts, my daughter has found evidence a few times and freaked out (11 yrs) but this i barely remember. i dont know whether she knows i am drinking everyday, i dont think so but kids know more than you think. my biggest challenge, in my own mind, is how to get through detox. my dr does not seem to understand but has given me clonopin 2x day, the half life is like 12 hours so you feel ok for the first couple hours then normal for the rest. i also have severe anxiety at times. i spoke with my daughter last night but the memory is fuzzy and i hate hate hate that. i was pretty toasted at that point. its now almost 2 am and am drinking a few beers to get back to sleep. in the spring of last year, i hired my sister to work with me, always as usual going out of my way to help my family ` even though not qualified to do the job actually. she is an alcoholic who does not drink but finds it easy to pass judgement. my brother is in rehab right now, i have his son at my home taking care of him, so i am taking care of a house of 6 myself as i also support my sons father as well. i guess the truth is i have created my own prison, i hate coming home, cause as soon as i do the drinking starts. and i am a closet drinker, i do not do it around anyone else. the other night i messed up and got messed up during the day, my daughter had to help me to bed.
despite all of the above, i have signed up for neurofeedback therapy each thursday with my daughter but i find that difficult to stay sober for the appt. i do no drink n drive so no worries there. i am here looking for a plan to get AF and to eventually practice moderation if possible, if abstinence is what i need that is ok too. any help is very appreciated
now i am back to drinking every day, various amounts but currently down to 1/2 pint of vodka, although i could drink a full pint easily plus a few beers.
i am a single mom, with 2 kids, one 23 and one 11. when my mom and then my dad got sick, both around the same time, i folded and started drinking daily. then i lost my job due to downsizing and then it really escalated. i continued to drink through the sickness and then deaths and ended up in detox in summer of 2008. i had a glass of wine in dec 08 and has been downhill from there. i came on here several days ago and just started reading, although i am a little confused about the program still. i have found everyone here very wonderful! yesterday was my daddys 3rd b day in heaven. but now that hard day is past` i was very very close to both my parents. i am tired of blacking out almost nightly, tired of feeling not very sober in the morning driving to work, tired of being tired. my daily stop is to get coffee and to get rid of the evidence from the night before. despite my efforts, my daughter has found evidence a few times and freaked out (11 yrs) but this i barely remember. i dont know whether she knows i am drinking everyday, i dont think so but kids know more than you think. my biggest challenge, in my own mind, is how to get through detox. my dr does not seem to understand but has given me clonopin 2x day, the half life is like 12 hours so you feel ok for the first couple hours then normal for the rest. i also have severe anxiety at times. i spoke with my daughter last night but the memory is fuzzy and i hate hate hate that. i was pretty toasted at that point. its now almost 2 am and am drinking a few beers to get back to sleep. in the spring of last year, i hired my sister to work with me, always as usual going out of my way to help my family ` even though not qualified to do the job actually. she is an alcoholic who does not drink but finds it easy to pass judgement. my brother is in rehab right now, i have his son at my home taking care of him, so i am taking care of a house of 6 myself as i also support my sons father as well. i guess the truth is i have created my own prison, i hate coming home, cause as soon as i do the drinking starts. and i am a closet drinker, i do not do it around anyone else. the other night i messed up and got messed up during the day, my daughter had to help me to bed.
despite all of the above, i have signed up for neurofeedback therapy each thursday with my daughter but i find that difficult to stay sober for the appt. i do no drink n drive so no worries there. i am here looking for a plan to get AF and to eventually practice moderation if possible, if abstinence is what i need that is ok too. any help is very appreciated
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