long newbie message

[mojo76]

:new:

Well I am not sure what to say here....but I guess I will just state what I am feeling. I am sick and tired of having nothing better to do that sit at home and drink. Things have gotten progressively worse for me this past year. I have a hard time making friends and finding things to occupy my time so I end up drinking a 12 pack 4-5 nights a week. The problem with that is it is causing me to gain weight and eat late at night and my motivation to do anything has dwindled down to nothing. I work about 60 hours a week and it does not affect my job...I am actually doing quite well. But I am just SICK and tired of waking up after drinking and eating a pizza...I don't know why I get the 'drunk munchies' but I do. I know how it feels to wake up in the morning feeling refreshed and full of energy and it is such a good feeling but I continue to sabotoge myself by drinking because of a lack of anything to do. I know drinking alone is stupid but I continue to do it. I get pissed at myself for doing it but it doesn't stpo me. I just can't seem to find the motivation to make a change. I am 30 and worry that I am going to regret what I am doing when I get older, it scares me to see the path I am on. I have thought about seeing a doctor to get that pill that causes you to get ill if you drink but am embarassed to go see one for my problem. My professional life is going great but my personal life is going down the tubes and I just don't know what to do.

Not sure what else to say.....but that is it...in a nut shell.

[Guest]

long newbie message

antabuse

Believe me that is a very short post comparing it to many of the posts around here.

I too stood almostly exactly in the shoes that you are standing in right now. I do not regret throwing those shoes in the trash. The antabuse really helped me over the hurdle. My goal was total abstinence since all attempts at moderation for any length of time was a joke for me. There are several drugs on the market that can help with cravings. I only did supplements--but to be honest my experience wasn't all that productive with them.

I too was deathly embarrassed to go to my doctor who I had been seeing for 10 years for medication for my problem. It was a huge mistake on my part. My doctor was incredibly kind and understanding. However, lets just say if it had been a huge embarrassment--the twenty minutes of embarrassment would have been so worth it to change my life. One night of drinking, doing stupid things and the hours of hell with a hangover lasted much longer than twenty minutes of embarassment. And if for some reason it is awful--no one can make you go back to that doctor again. And honestly--I embarrassed myself way more when drinking than I ever could in a doctor's office.

Anyways, Anatbuse helped me tremendously the way other medications could not. I knew taking anything that would lessen the cravings would not have been a solution for me. The knowledge of knowing that I would become violently ill forced me to deal with the craving. Learn how to live through it without drinking. The problem with anatbuse is that when many want to drink they stop taking it and end up just where they were before. In one intense craving I even searched the internet frantically to find out "exactly" how long it would be before I could take a drink. Thankfully, I found out it was a minimum of 2 weeks to be assured of not having a violent reaction. It gave me the tool that when in social situations--I had no other choice but not to drink. It gave me the tools needed to overcome many of my pitfalls. My experience was good with it. I only took it for 15 days--and now have 65 days of not drinking under my belt.

Though its not the full solution--it did help. I ended up going to AA--and have had tremendous success with it. AA gives me the mental tools needed to live a new life.

Best of luck--now this is a long post! My main point being--don't let a few minutes of embarrassment stop you from making a positive change. If you do nothing--nothing will change.

[mojomuppet]

long newbie message

Mojo, congrats to you,you have just made yourself a pile of new friends! Nice name by the way you have good taste.

:welcome:

[Leahluv]

long newbie message

Hi this is my first time on this board but I can relate to some of what you say. It made me feel at home when you said you drink a 12 pack. You are lucky that it does not effect your job. I usually get so tired the next day is tough. I only drink 2 times a week though usually. Do you have a family?

[mojo76]

long newbie message

No I don't have a family. I moved to this state after I graduated from college..for a couple of reasons. One was to get a job and the second was to get away from the drinking buddies I had back home. The fact that I don't have a family is what frustrates me the most. I don't even want to get involved with anyone right now because of the way I live my life but I also want to badly to start a family. I don't even try to get dates or meet women just because I know I really don't do much other than work. In the past I ALWAYS had girlfriends or at least someone to hang out with but the older I am getting and the more I work and less free time the harder it is to do it. Plus on top of that I just end up getting a 12 pack rather than get out and be social. I don't understand why I am having such a difficulty making a change in my life....I know it is for the better but I just keep doing the same crap night in and night out. That is why I think if I were to get antabuse it would pretty much force me to make a lifestyle change. Has anyone been on that drug here? I have read about it and it seems like you have to be VERY careful about what you eat and even if you wear cologne. Is that true? And what do I say when I call to make a doctors appointment? I don't have a 'regular' doctor here so I don't even know who to call or what to say. It is all very embarssing to me but am getting to the point where I think I NEED that feeling of "You CAN'T drink even if you want to". I don't crave alcohol so it would just force me to do something else when I get home from work. I need a kick in the ass is what I need! ha ha

Thanks for the comments....it helps to know I am not the only one out there with a problem. I just don't know how to go about getting professional help. I know I don't need classes...I just need motivation.

[Cynspr]

long newbie message

Hi
I can relate to not asking the doctor for help. I get worried they will write it down on some file and it will end up attached to me for the rest of my life and everything I do will be judged because "oh.. she is an alcoholic." I remember being about 32 when I started on this path. I knew 6 months into my new drinking habits that it was a problem but I decided I was pretty young and 6 months wasn't very long. Now.. at 40 it has just gotten worse. While I can say it doesn't effect my job because I continue to do extremely well, and run a large dept. and am continually called the best Assistant Vice President in the company (there are about 5), I barely want to speak or deal with people each day. It is only on the days that I didn't drink the night before that I truly feel good and inspired to deal with the day.
I wish I had taken control earlier. I think you are in the right place. We can help.

[mojo76]

long newbie message

Well I have no problems being social at work. I am actually quite popular there....and have no problem interacting with people. I pretty much have to since I am the 'computer guy' but I really enjoy the social interaction at work. The boredom I suffer after work is what gets to me. Hard to fathom that when I moved to this state 3 years ago I was in awesome shape...but going to the gym when you are a full time college student/part time worker is a lot easier to maintain. Working 60 hours a week gives me little time to get gym routine. But that is just another excuse that I seem to find. As far as the doctor thing goes, I am not scared of what they will write down about me more just making the actual appointment. What do I say I need to see the doctor for? And when I am actually in there what the hell do I say to him/her??? I know it may seem easy to say "I want to stop drinking give me a pill to prevent that" I know that there will be the embarssment of asking him/her and the akwardness of the situation. It seems like my 20 minute ride home from work is a constant struggle of "what am I going to do when I get home"...and the drinking a 12 pack seems to be a lot easier than getting my ass to the gym or doing something else. I really have no one in this town I can hang out with. ugh....I just need to change. I need....something....I don't know what but I know I need to STOP doing this. And I feel like I have been thinking that for too long without doing anything about it. And it REALLY bothers me!!!! :upset:

[jacksbug]

long newbie message

hi everyone. i'm new just a few minutes ago. i particually relate to mojo75- i drink wine but only difference. i work really hard, but at the end of my day i pick up a bottle of wine, sometimes 2. i have embarrassed myself over and over, done so many stupid things, and lost my son completly. my girls are still ok. i'm careful to hide the worst of me and they are grown up now and non of them live with me. i'm nearly 48 years old- i've intended to stop drinking for at least 20 years-but never managed it for more than a few days. i manage my life but i'm always so tired, i have to not answer the phone at night, and i'm in serious financial trouble- again. sorry rambling- would be so good to talk to people who know how crap this is and how hard it is to change- how the hell do i do it? going home is so boring and lonely- its a case of put myself to sleep- then i get the dreams, and sometimes i dont know what is dreamt or real- pretty scary