Help me??

[KatieB]

I don't believe it! I deleted a lot of my ex's family and friends off FB, as my ex asked me too - but now he is being totally mean!
"Your current mother skills does fulfil his needs but the hostile enviornment you are creating by the way you are acting is not good for our son. Its grounds to increase my custody, i will be booking mediation. I will also be getting a court order to prohibit you using my surname, or you trying to change our son's name. Your not married to me go back to our old name, or better, your old country and do us all a favour and just get lost forever. Pls remove everyone and get out of my life and our son's. It's best all round"

I just cannot cope with his animosity towards me.. I am his son's mother yet he obviously does not care about this fact at all! I am so tired of fighting, i really don't have much strength left in me at all.. Today would be my 11th day AF.. but im not sure I can keep it up much longer with all the stress I have in my life..

[Gold]

Help me??

He is trying to intimidate, hurt, and confuse you, don't allow him to. It sounds as though the best thing with facebook is to make your account inactive for a while (I don't use it so I'm not sure what you would have to do).

His actions and threats show how strong he perceives you to be and how weak he is, why else would be bother with the threats and nastiness.

You will deal with it the same way you have so far, day by day, hour by hour. Although it doesn't seem so it will be very much easier to deal with this sober than not.

All of these things he is doing and saying is because he is weak and scared, if he were strong he would not need to be offensive and threatening.

Keep going, don't let him drive you to do things that are not in your best interest and that of your son.

[greeneyes]

Help me??

Whenever I follow a post of Golds, I usually say "ditto". So, ditto. I'm sorry you are having a rough go of it. But you KNOW drinking will make it worse. Guaranteed. Do something positive for yourself!

[Doggygirl]

Help me??

I will just say "ditto" too. Don't let him mess with you. And I will just ask....

If you think this is challenging to handle when sober, do you think it will be more or less challenging if you start drinking?????

I know it is really tough to face up to life's challenges when we are used to trying to hide in the bottom of a bottle. But for me, that bottle was always a contributing factor somewhere along the way in my problems. And going back there would only make things worse in the long run.

Drinking can and will absolutely affect the outcome of things with your son. Don't give in.

DG

[Guest]

Help me??

KB,

Don't rise and don't respond.

I've just started a FB thread and reduced my friends from 118 to 75 in the last 10 mins.

If you respond, he will get the reaction he wants. Stay strong and stay on top! He cannot argue if you don't respond. As you say, he only starts when he has your son. He is too scared to when baby is with you.

How do you feel about changing your surname back?

Also, what passport / nationality do you have? What about your beautiful baby?

Have you thought about talking to the British Consulate? They won't be able to help you in court but you may need some security for you and little KB.

Love and Hugs
Spam xx

[KatieB]

Help me??

Thank you all for your advice,
but I think I am going to go and buy a bottle of vodka and pass out.. I can't take the pain anymore - I hated myself before I met my husband - and now I dont know why I am alive.. the things he has said to me - the man who is supposed to love me more than anyone else - instead, has been the person who has caused me the most pain in my life - physically and emotionally. I've had enough, I have no more fight left,. he can have our son.. like i said before, he is better off without me, and he's right..nice to meet you all on here, you have been great.. but I am worthless.. there is no point helping me.. bye.

[overittoday]

Help me??

You're are going to give up that easily?

[KatieB]

Help me??

I'm sorry..for being so miserable and writing so many threads lately.. Like I have said, I don't have many friends to talk to - and last night when I received those messages, it was gone midnight so too late to call anyone anyway..
I am NOT going to give up - I will fight for my son, and I will NOT use AL as a means to deal with my problems - that habit is changing, I am no longer going to be a coward!! I am going to face up and deal with things.. My ex is scared, as he could go to jail.. the court case is 5 weeks away, and I know he is doing everything to try and "drag" me down with him.
You're right, Doggygirl - AL has always been around whenever I have had problems, and has led to many of my "small" issues becoming catastrophic!! Particularly when coming to falling out with people - so, I am going to change TODAY.. my new life starts NOW!! I owe it to myself, and more importantly, my son..
Thanks guys, you are the best xxx

[Chillgirl]

Help me??

Kbrown - Well done! :goodjob:

Love your positively.... once you see that AL is the enemy that only makes everything worse you will get stronger every day. AL is the poison that tries to destroy you mentally and physically.

You are your own controller and can do this so stay strong! Because of all the different time zones there is always someone here you can talk to so please keep coming back.... This site changed my life!
:l

[overittoday]

Help me??

Yeah thats better! you are much stronger than it.:goodjob:

[KatieB]

Help me??

Hey guys.. Just wanted to share - I am feeling so much happier now.. my ex bought my baby boy back, and whilst here he admitted the reason he said all those nasty texts last night is because he loves me and is just hurting from our separation.. even though this does not excuse what he said, it makes me feel a bit better... I am therefore so pleased and proud with myself for not drinking to deal with the hurt! He also said how well I looked, and my eyes looked bright, and I said "that's because I am not drinking any more" - and he said that I look much better for it - imagine if he turned up and I was hungover, with red eyes - it would have been another excuse for him to have a go at me! So I was so proud of myself for not drinking.. its now 11 days! I just have to keep doing as I am, and I will get stronger by the day - thank you all again so much for your support! xxx :cheering:

[gyco]

Help me??

hope

Kbrown;809467 wrote: Hey guys.. Just wanted to share - I am feeling so much happier now.. my ex bought my baby boy back, and whilst here he admitted the reason he said all those nasty texts last night is because he loves me and is just hurting from our separation.. even though this does not excuse what he said, it makes me feel a bit better... I am therefore so pleased and proud with myself for not drinking to deal with the hurt! He also said how well I looked, and my eyes looked bright, and I said "that's because I am not drinking any more" - and he said that I look much better for it - imagine if he turned up and I was hungover, with red eyes - it would have been another excuse for him to have a go at me! So I was so proud of myself for not drinking.. its now 11 days! I just have to keep doing as I am, and I will get stronger by the day - thank you all again so much for your support! xxx :cheering:

hi k b i am so glad to hear tht for u,thro my own xperiences it is wise to seek councilling for my addiction,and get an understanding,of the addiction tht i had,it also gave me a chance to relase emotional baggage,my dear u have to the best for you,again yur laws where u are are a lot different then here,i do so wish you well gyco:goodjob:

[Doggygirl]

Help me??

kbrown, I am so happy for you to read that you dealt with yesterdays challenges sober! You can DO IT! Often times I think the people closest to us SEEM to be lashing at us in anger / dislike / hatred. But REALLY I think sometimes they are just worried sick and at the end of their rope with our drinking and just don't know what else to do. (not sure if that is the case with your son's father or the family friends you mention...just talking generally)

Sometimes reading the posts of people who come here looking for family support is interesting. It sort of shows the other side of this - the side where spouses or children or other loves ones are just desparately concerned over someone's drinking. They want to help but can't figure out how. (and they really CAN'T help other than to stop enabling us until we help outselves!)

Don't be afraid to take responsibility for the problems drinking has caused in all of this. Recognizing those aspects of our problems that we CAN control (instead of directing anger at those things we CAN'T control is a special key to our freedom I think.

Have a good AF day 12!!!!,

DG

[Guest]

Help me??

KB,

I don't want to stir but I want you to be wary of his words. He says he still loves you and is hurting. This is probably true but digest this information and think about it wisely. Don't let these words throw you off course.

I truly admire your strength and courage.

Spam xx

[Gold]

Help me??

Spam;809708 wrote: KB,

I don't want to stir but I want you to be wary of his words. He says he still loves you and is hurting. This is probably true but digest this information and think about it wisely. Don't let these words throw you off course.

I truly admire your strength and courage.

Spam xx

I agree, no doubt he is hurt and saying and doing things because of that, but it isn't love.

Well done on staying AL free, you're proving to yourself that you can do this and that you are worthwhile!