Can't do it

[kusyldi]

i am so pissed off with myself. since joining this forum i have had 1 day AF - how pathetic is that. what is wrong with me???
I so hate the shit and everyday i go back and do it all again?

My parnter wasn't home last night so hey what a great idea do get pissed... don't have to worry about dinner so i just went and hung out with my staff and talked a whole heap of bullshit.

What a idiot, am i bored with life? i don't know? I have so much to do daily that i procrastinate terribly and end up 'having a beer' to relax and ease my mind - there has to be other ways to do this.

I have no hobbies, i have no time - although got all the time in the world to drink.
Evil shit - i hate it and hate me more.

Going away tomorrow with my son there should be no al around but don't worry i have considered taking a stash of my own for a bit of a confidence builder. Very nervous but need to be positive for my boy and act in control and full of self worth... help i CAN do this :upset:

[dlw]

Can't do it

You are beating yourself up to much Kus. Don't make your expectations to high on yourself- We are all here for the same reason, support , support support- so stay close to MWO when you feel discouraged. No one will judge you , only support you. If you dont think you can make it for a whole day, break the days down to hours, or even 15 minute increments- stay close to MWO, we are all here for you

[time2change]

Can't do it

I am sure if you asked many of the people here on MWO that have reached long term sobriety many would say that it took time and more than one try before they were sucessful. Many would also tell you that if they could do it so could you. For me I did not think I could follow in their footsteps, but I proved to myself that I am stronger than I thought. Just have faith in yourself and never give up. Take the oppurtunity while you are away to begin again.

[Cinamonkiss]

Can't do it

Hey there. You CAN do it. Focus on WHY you want to do it. Pray for strength. I'll keep you in my thoughts......

[Lavande]

Can't do it

Hi Kusy,

Never give up trying - no matter what!
It's not easy but you can do it, just keep trying.
Have you made a plan? Look in the Tool box (located in the Monthly Abstinence section) for good ideas. You have to make changes to your routine, find new interests, fill in your drinking time with healthier alternatives.

Do it for yourself & for your son

Wishing you the best!
Lav

[Sophie75]

Can't do it

Kusy, just read back and see all the awful things you call yourself. Please stop all that talk. It won't get you anywhere. Now look at me being all strict ha ha. Right ho, so you have gone one day AF. Isn't that worth celebrating? You want to do your best for your son.. well that sounds like a loving mother to me. Come on girl, you deserve better treatment than all those insults you're piling on yourself. Stop, come into the newbie nest and let us look after you:welcome:

[gyco]

Can't do it

patience

kusyldi;809402 wrote: i am so pissed off with myself. since joining this forum i have had 1 day AF - how pathetic is that. what is wrong with me???
I so hate the shit and everyday i go back and do it all again?

My parnter wasn't home last night so hey what a great idea do get pissed... don't have to worry about dinner so i just went and hung out with my staff and talked a whole heap of bullshit.

What a idiot, am i bored with life? i don't know? I have so much to do daily that i procrastinate terribly and end up 'having a beer' to relax and ease my mind - there has to be other ways to do this.

I have no hobbies, i have no time - although got all the time in the world to drink.
Evil shit - i hate it and hate me more.

Going away tomorrow with my son there should be no al around but don't worry i have considered taking a stash of my own for a bit of a confidence builder. Very nervous but need to be positive for my boy and act in control and full of self worth... help i CAN do this :upset:

hi kus,never giv up hope,many of us were like u,fall get back up.this a today program,not yesterdy,ot tomorrow,today,i day,your trying,tht is all one can ask for,gyco:welcome::goodjob::thanks:

[Doggygirl]

Can't do it

Hi kus. Don't know if this helps, but I can totally identify with how you described your day. I can't even count the number of days that started with determination to not drink, and to get a bunch of things done. Then I would have "just one" (hahahaha) for "motivation" and then before you know it, the day would be gone and nothing got done except me getting drunk. I can also relate to the days where Mr. Doggy would be away from home. If I didn't have to make dinner I would feel ELATED over the opportunity to just drink and not have that responsibility to worry about.

Then I would hate myself and swear I would not do that again today. Then I would do it again today. I did that for years.

Congratulations on 1 AF day. That proves you CAN have AF days.

If just coming to this forum alone is not working, then try something else. Have you read the book and tried the My Way Out program? For me, the book, the supplements, the hypnosis CD's, the diet and exercise recommendations all really helped me get going. If you are willing to go to any length to get sober, you will.

DG

[mama bear]

Can't do it

Ditto Doggy Girl...the plan works and it keeps you busy. I look like a mad scientist trhying to figure out my supplements!

[Cranberry81]

Can't do it

The 'stash' as you call it is definitely something I can relate to. It's like having a friend close to you all the time, but no one knows about that friend but you and you can always rely on that friend. But it sucks because that friend let's you down after he has his way with you.

Your friends are HERE, your son is there too. When you get that urge to run by the store and stock up just keep on driving. And I promise you, when you're spending time with your son, you'll smile at how strong you were to keep driving and your time with him will be so much more enjoyable! You can do it!

[QuitinTime]

Can't do it

I have yet to achieve abstinence either - a battle with myself over whether or not I even want to. THough I know in my case its the right road. However, I keep coming back here simply because I have cut back compared to what I was doing when I first started - Ive learned alot about this stuff from the people here and I appreciate the folks here and the struggles we go through. So hang in there - its a process - for the lucky ones they rally and get straight for some of us however we lose battles each day but as Shorty said "Day aint over yet".

[mama bear]

Can't do it

Don;t be too hard on yourself.....someone said the other day....You Drank....Fuck it....Get over the Pity Party and start over......that rang a bell with me......cause I am bad about beating myself up
it's ok honey....love and forgive yourself.....we all do!

[Doggygirl]

Can't do it

QuitinTime;809865 wrote: I have yet to achieve abstinence either - a battle with myself over whether or not I even want to. THough I know in my case its the right road. However, I keep coming back here simply because I have cut back compared to what I was doing when I first started - Ive learned alot about this stuff from the people here and I appreciate the folks here and the struggles we go through. So hang in there - its a process - for the lucky ones they rally and get straight for some of us however we lose battles each day but as Shorty said "Day aint over yet".

That's a very important point. For me, it was completely impossible for me to get sober and grow beyond the viscious cycles of drinking until I decided I wanted sobriety more than I want to drink - 100% each and every day. There might still occassions where I have a fleeting desire to drink (it's always fantasy based - some romantic version of drinking that is NOT the reality of what happens when *I* drink). BUT - Since May 22 2008 there has not been one single day where I wanted to drink MORE than I wanted my sober life.

It's been worth it. You couldn't pay me to go back to the viscious cycle of drinking / doing things I regret / NOT living a full life / guilt / remorse / repeat.

This is a tough battle though and I sure couldn't win it until I made a firm decision about what I wanted. AL is a formidable enemy.

DG

[kusyldi]

Can't do it

Thank you for all your support peoples. I feel like crying, i live so far away from my family that this is so nice to have someone care!!

Well I am off for 3 days with my little man to go have some sober fun.

thanks again and i'll be back soon...

K

[Cecelia]

Can't do it

kusyldi - I have been enveloped and found a safe haven in the Newbies Nest since joining a mere 5 days ago. I successfully navigated my way through this weekend, the first weekend in years I've been AF. I know this is just the beginning of the journey for me, but I am ready, I can do it, and so can you. Don't dwell on the past or negativity - look deep down inside yourself and recognize the good person you are. You will find strength there.