I want to leave this part of my life behind

[Cranberry81]

I'm new here, I guess this seems like my only hope for finding someone to talk to because I don't want to go to AA yet. I have a wonderful career, an amazing spouse-to-be...how does no one catch on to my problem? Am I just that good at hiding it or do they know and just don't say anything? And most of all, why can't I stop??!!!

[Doggygirl]

I want to leave this part of my life behind

Welcome Cranberry :welcome: You have come to a good spot to seek help. You are not alone!

I too maintained a very high functioning alcoholic life with an executive career and all that comes with it. Alcohol dependence can touch ANYONE. Nobody is safe.

For me, I have discovered that many people WERE aware of my drinking to excess and just didn't say anything. In the later years of my drinking, I did most of it at home so the world at large couldn't see how bad it was.

None of that really matters anyway. Alcoholism (or whatever you like to call this) is progressive. For those of us who are hooked, the consequences of continued drinking are highly likely to just get worse and worse and worse until we stop. So good to stop now before you have lost more!

Have you downloaded the book yet? That's a great place to start.

Strength to you,

DG

[hippie37]

I want to leave this part of my life behind

Hi Cranberry.

I remember when I first decided to address my drinking problem. I wasn't ready to reach out to people through anything more than forums like this. It validated my thoughts and feelings for a while whilst I continued to post and identify with other members' posts. That was important for me because it gave me hope that there were other people who were living totally different lifestyles from all over the world but experiencing the same thoughts and feelings as I was. It was a big step up for me as I hope it is for you.

I think you'll be amazed with how many people may already see your drinking as an issue. As an addict/alcoholic myself I can be very self consumed and self centered and this causes me to not consider those around me. When I was 'active' in my addiction I was so obsessed with getting drink and drugs that I didn't consider the possibility of how that was effecting other people, especially my family and those close to me. Everyone around me was effected by my drinking and my behaviour (which wasn't necessarily outward either). My moods, my way of dealing and coping with life situations left people feeling very despondent and helpless. It was the mental and emotional torture that I put myself though that 'rubbed' off them the most.

So you may think you're good at hiding it but believe me it will be noticed by a few if not many.

The reasons you cannot stop is something you will have to figure out for yourself as only you will now what your own truth is. For me I had to look back to my family issues from childhood that had lead me into addictive behaviour from a very early age. It was these behaviours that lead me into using substances later on in life when I couldn't deal with the emotions and feelings I had of low self worth and self esteem.

Anyway I'm not gonna get too deep with you at this early stage. So welcome again and keep posting and reading and I hope you come to realise the devastation your drinking is having on your life and those around you.

Love and Light
Phil
xx

[time2change]

I want to leave this part of my life behind

Cranberry
I think many of us have arrived here with all the same questions you have. I too held a good professional job with ties to our local governement. That alone made me feel like it was not an option for me to attend AA locally. I too thought I was hiding my problems from those close to me. Now I come to realise that that was not the case. The truth was that although they knew they did not know how to help and did not want to upset my already irrational and highly unstable emotions. It was easier for them to ignore than to try to help. I am not saying that was the way to handle it but in their case the only way they knew how.
I too thought that because I had repeatedly told myself I would stop and could not follow through that I was hopeless. That is not true. Do not give up, have faith in yourself and ask for help. You have found a great place to get support. You will read story after story of people who have been in your shoes and have been successful in overcoming their addictions.
Stick around, read, post and chat.

[mama bear]

I want to leave this part of my life behind

Welcome Cranberry
I became a daily drinker late in life in response to financial issues, unemployment, pending foreclosure on my home, etc., etc.
Talk to us and follow the program. It works....I just joined and already feel better......you will not be judged here...we have all been and some of us still are, right where you are....
Smooches from the Sunny South.....Florida!

[Lavande]

I want to leave this part of my life behind

Hi Cranberry,

Welcome to MWO, this is a good place!
Please know that you are not alone, there is planty of support here for you.
Feel free to drop in the Newbies Nest thread, lots of people there just getting started as well

Wishing you the best on your journey!

Lav

[Cranberry81]

I want to leave this part of my life behind

Thank you all so much for responding! This is my first day visiting MWO and I already know that I will be posting regularly It helps me so much to hear from others who have made it past all of this. The only thing I keep telling myself is that I have to make a change. I want children so bad, more than anything in the world and now I've found the man I want to have them with and he doesn't realize how deep this problem goes. I want to tell him but I keep thinking I can beat it on my own..

[overittoday]

I want to leave this part of my life behind

Hi Cranberry81 and Welcome,
I was also a functioning drinker...and i use to jusify the good parts of my life ie successful job, great friends, travel as the reason why i didnt think i had a drinking problem. I use to ask myself how can i be alcohol dependent if I am still holding all these things together? but what i choose to ignore where the bad hangovers, the feelings of depression and guilt after a big night, not being able to drive past the bottle shop on my way home from work etc...Noone else has to know its bad enough that you carry it with you everyday. If you already are great things in your life being AF in time will only add to that.
Good luck on recovery journey.

[mama bear]

I want to leave this part of my life behind

I have confided everything to my husband and he has been a tremendous support.....so you may want to tell your sweetie.....support is everything......my kids even know....but they are teenagers ....not little ones!