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    #1

    A New Life

    So here I am - once again trying to quit drinking. I have tried MOD many times and I always end up coming back to way too much consumption most nights. I am the worst drinker - the solo drinker. I'm not the person at the party that gets drunk, or socially over drink. It is when I'm home, after a stressful day, I need to be numb.

    So here I am - with so much love and hope and this time - so much is riding on my ability to get thru the early weeks of being AF. Have you ever found that the first couple nights are not too bad - but by the 4th night you are climbing the walls? That has been my experience of the last year, when I have tried stop drinking. Any advice?

    So here I am - for the first time in my life deciding to tell people about my problem. I did quit for 8 years - 1995 - 2003. But I withdrew into myself and became introverted. Any advice on how I avoid this ?

    Congratulations to all you out there that are on this website and changing their lives. I hope to be one more person that kicks the crap out of her addiction and lives a much more balance and sober life!
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    #2
    A New Life

    Hi Farm Girl - I haven't been here long - just a few weeks. I cut back the first week & this week has been my first alcohol free week in years. Today was day 6 and I feel good. I'm not sure what to tell you - I've been every kind of drinker there is - in the beginning I was the 'life of the party' drinker - always out. Never at home - miss party USA! Did that for a couple of decades. Slowed it down a bit here & there. I was never a solo, "at home" drinker until the last few years. Partly because of money, and partly because, I'm just not interested in going out much anymore (been there, done that) It just sort of became this wierd habit, and suddenly it was part of my daily routine. I think I drank more slowly so it seemed more manageable (I didn't get drunk as quickly as when I was out), but I drank large amounts over time. that's what started to become problematic. When I just began to track the quantities of what I was buying & drinking BY MYSELF, I had to think hard about what I was doing.

    This forum has helped me tremendously. Without it, I'm not sure I'd have been off to such a positive start, so I'd suggest getting connected here - there are some really good people to chat with & who can exchange ideas & tips on how to stay sober if that's what you'd like to do. Good luck - we'll see you back here!

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      #3
      A New Life

      :welcome:Hi Farmgirl,
      Deciding to tell people about your problem is a very positive step forward. The fact that you know you have a problem is another positive step. Like you I am a solo drinker, but unlike you I don't just drink after a stressful day. I drink when I'm stressed, I drink when I'm bored,or lone, or excited, or happy.....and I finally realized that I drink because I'm an alcoholic. If you become withdrawn you might have depression, and medication can help with that. I so hope you can get out of this terrible habit/addiction.
      Funnygirl, congrats on day 6. I did 24 days AF running in January, slipped February ( did 11 days AF) and plan to stay AF for March 9 and hopefully forever)
      This forum is worth gold - keep posting and reading, and PM me if necessary for support.
      make the least of the worst, and the most of the best - everyday.

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        #4
        A New Life

        Farm girl I used to find that days 3-7 were the hardest. Not a lot you can do about it, although there are supplements that help. Have you exhausted all those options? 8 years af is incredible. If you can do 8 years you can do 30 days can't you

        The support available from this forum can be a huge help while you struggle to get back on top. Dropping all your defenses and being brutally honest with and about yourself is a lot easier here than it would be with people you actually know on a face-to-face basis. Of course that can lead to maybe hearing some things you would rather not (but need to) as well as genuine support to keep you going.

        I'm more or less an introvert. Well, anti social at least. And I used to drink alone. Still do when I drink. This place ended up being perfect for me, so hopefully it'll work out well for you!

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          #5
          A New Life

          Hey Farm girl, the good news is that you are in here, and you are talking about your problem. You can do it. I am on day 21, and yes day 4 was hard. The second weekend for me has been the hardest. One thing that Mario taught me was about urge surfing. The urges come, you feel them. Accept the urge, and you have the power to know that the urge will rise, max out, and go down. You can ride the wave out. Another useful thing I learned from Doggygirl, was to play the movie to the end. When your brain starts to play tricks on you about how nice it is to drink, and how awesome your early evening experiences are...play the movie to the end. What happens by the end of the night? This can help battle that part of the brain that tries to trick you into drinking.

          Hope this helps,
          Hill
          Sober since Feb 7, 2010.

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            #6
            A New Life

            Hi Farm Girl

            Welcome - you have come to a great place with the support of lots of people who understand. I so admire you to have so many af days under your belt. I have never managed to get past day 3. I don't get major withdrawals or anything, but by day 3 I seem to convince myself that I deserve just one little glass of wine - and we all know the rest!! Best of luck to you and hope you achieve your goals.
            Never put off to tomorrow what you can achieve today!

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              #7
              A New Life

              Snapdragon, you'll get past day 3, I'm sure if you keep trying.

              Hillsidetime, I love the tip about playing the movie all the way to the end - I had to laugh - most of the time, I couldn't remember the end . . . .

              FarmGirl - based on the level of support here, it looks like you've come to the right place.

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                #8
                A New Life

                Hello, Farmgirl and welcome!
                Welcome to MWO! I too found days 4-7 very challenging! I just took Kudzu and L-Glutamine and stayed as busy as possible to push through. It is a bit rough, but you can do it!
                Going forward I would like to quote BELIEVE...I was part of a small group here at MWO that included Believe, myself and 4 others....though our group grew larger over time!

                Hi BELIEVE!!! Fabulous to see you!
                Quote:
                The support available from this forum can be a huge help while you struggle to get back on top. Dropping all your defenses and being brutally honest with and about yourself is a lot easier here than it would be with people you actually know on a face-to-face basis. Of course that can lead to maybe hearing some things you would rather not (but need to) as well as genuine support to keep you going.
                BELIEVE

                What Believe said here is so true and I believe it is why 4 out of 5 of the core of our group achieved our goals of sobriety and over two years late we are still sober! We found each other within our first 30 days and we made a pact to stick together and check in with each other daily. We also agreed that we would not Molly Coddle each other, we would listen to the truth and learn to live our lives without alcohol...It Worked!!

                Dropping our defenses was not easy and sometimes feathers got a bit ruffled! The truth of the matter sometimes sounded harsh, but, it was love and support in it's purest form!

                Best Wishes to All of You!
                Kate
                A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes~Cinderella

                AF 12/6/2007

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                  #9
                  A New Life

                  Haha K8 I forgot about the ruffled feathers part...but its true. Show me someone whose willing to step on your toes if need be and tell you things you don't wanna (but need to) hear, and I'll show yousomeone who really cares. True support isn't neccessarily all rainbows and unicorns, sometimes its a kick in the pants by those who care enough to do it.

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                    #10
                    A New Life

                    Hi Farm Girl. Welcome and "ditto" to the wisdom already given!!

                    I wish there was something I could say such as "Here's a way to make Day 4 AF really really easy!!" But if quitting drinking were easy, there would be no need for My Way Out, SMARTrecovery, AA, Rational Recovery, What's His Name Carr's Easy Way to Quit Drinking, Antabuse, blah blah etcetera etcetera. It's HARD and we have to be ready to face some challenges and tough days, I think, to get to the promised land. (which isn't nervana, but it beats the snot out of daily hangovers, guilt and remorse!)

                    Like Funny Girl, I was a former party girl gone isolated in the end. Forget the pretenses and leave me alone with my bottle. After holing up in my house for so long, it was REALLY REALLY hard to get back out there in the land of the living. I have really had to FORCE myself to do it. But now I love it and it's been worth every initial awkward (sp) moment to get here.

                    Things that helped:

                    * I joined Curves and started exercising. The small, women only atmosphere was perfect for me.

                    * I got more involved in networking type activities for our family business. Chamber of commerce events etc. (just not the evening / drinking events for awhile)

                    * Eventually I started going to AA and I'm glad I did.

                    All these things helped me start making friends and just getting used to living as normal people live. Doing more volunteer work is on my radar screen, and that's another good way to get yourself out of the house and out and among people.

                    Just a few thoughts. Hang in there. Get this early AF time behind you, and then you can get to the GOOD part of sober living!!

                    DG
                    Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                    Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

                    One day at a time.

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                      #11
                      A New Life

                      AF Friends?

                      First, thanks to all of you that gave me some great advice. And congrats to you no matter what day, month or year you are AF -

                      So how do I manage my friendship with friends that drink and don't understand why I don't? It seems to make people uncomfortable....Or the friends that say "you are fine, have one drink!."

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                        #12
                        A New Life

                        You may have a hard time with that. I haven't told my friends. I went out to a dinner on my 2nd day & just said I had a headache, they still gave me a lot of crap about not drinking. It kind of made me mad. So, my decision is to just lay low for awhile & avoid them. Later, I'll say I'm on a diet, and if all is going well, just announce whatever is going on & let the chips fall where they may.

                        I would avoid them in the beginning if you want to be successful. People get comfortable with you being 'who you are' to them - my friends always said 'you're fine - just have one' - even when they knew I wasn't, I was in great amounts of trouble, my life was tanking, etc. They just didn't care - it was all about them - they either didn't want to look at their own issues, or they just wanted me to be me . . . .either way, it won't work long term - especially not in the beginning.

                        Others here may have better ideas for you - I can only tell you what I've experienced in the past.

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                          #13
                          A New Life

                          I found the best way to manage drinking friends was to just be straight up and say I'm not drinking cause I don't want to. Maybe next time, maybe not. I soon found out which frinedships were based soley on drinking and which ones weren't. The ones based soley on drinking were then ones who told me to just have one or whatever because it wierded them out to see me drinking water while they got loaded. Just telling your frineds whats up will get you to that point, and then you'll have choices to make. Personally I figured anyone trying to get me to drink when I told them I didn't want to wasn't that great of a friend and I cut them all loose. Now all I have are geniuine friends who like me whether I'm drinking or not.

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                            #14
                            A New Life

                            Believe brings up a good point about you drinking water while they get loaded - I think over time you'll find that you don't want to be with THEM. You'll find them to be less interesting by the minute . . . .

                            I've just chosen not to discuss it yet because I don't want to - I'm doing really well & don't want to jeopardize it. I don't feel like explaining it all to them . . . .and then defending my decision. I'll do it in my own time, but you'll have to decide what's best for you.

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                              #15
                              A New Life

                              Funny Girl you're exactly right. Over time the friends who care more about drinking with you than they do about you yourself DO become less interesting. Right up to the point where you just say fuck 'em. Laying low at first ain't a bad idea either. Parlty because you have to come to grips with the changes you're trying to make in your life. Also, having a few weeks af or months or however long under your belt gives you the confidnece to know that you're the real deal, you're making changes in your life, and you'll crush ony obstacles in your way. You think drinking makes you feel brave? Wait till you feel the effects of going and staying af. Stick with it. in time you will be looking everyone in the eye and telling them whats what. If they are ok with it, fine. If not, that will be fine too. Y'all gotta trust me on that one

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