How can I change my negative thinking?

[KatieB]

Hi all,

I've been talking alot about how I need to change my outlook to life and become a more 'positive' person.. but I am just not sure how to do this! Most of my life I have been negative, and lived in fear.. I am not very good with people (though I am a nurse, and do help people in my job), when it comes to personal relationships and friendships, I find myself 'ruining' things (due to my low self-esteem).. and that was a big reason why I drank! (though it was a cycle as when I drank I would ruin things even more, plus I would find alot of my worrying was in my head, but AL made my negative thoughts come true)..
I don't know if I can go through the rest of my life being lonely as I am too afraid to make friends for fear of being rejected.. that's why I would drink so much, it was my 'friend' that hung out with me all day.. :H
*sigh" I know to be truly happy will be to stay AF, but be less paranoid about the world and people, and be able to maintain friendships - as being with other people does bring me happiness as long as I am not worrying about what they think of me etc. all the time.. Does anyone have any ideas as to how I can overcome my fear of life and start to enjoy myself more? (without AL)..

Any advice would be gratefully received,

Thanks, K xx

[JimBeam911]

How can I change my negative thinking?

KatieB;814078 wrote: . . . I don't know if I can go through the rest of my life being lonely as I am too afraid to make friends for fear of being rejected.. that's why I would drink so much, it was my 'friend' that hung out with me . . .

I can't offer advice as to what to do to combat your issues with self-esteem, as there are too many variables to account for that require different solutions for different people. However, I would like to comment on the wise observation you've made about the role alcohol has played in the way you've handled these issues. It is a good sign that you recognize that drinking will only exacerbate your afflictions. To put it another way, there are many people who have the same issues, but have never consumed alcohol, and while they might not be in any better shape, they are certainly no worse off. Alcohol is unequivocally a poor medication to treat issues with anxiety and depression, so I think you're off to a great start by recognizing that real work on your problems must begin by breaking ties with the sauce.

[KatieB]

How can I change my negative thinking?

Thanks JB,
I guess its a big ask, asking people that don't know me how to combat low self-esteem and magically become a positive person.. its something I have to work on in my counselling sessions.. my issues are quite complex and don't stem from one particular thing..
I have to nip my issues at the core, and not mask them with AL.. which is why I am here.. to get some encouragement to stay away from AL when things get tough, or if I feel down about myself.. sometimes I feel myelf veering towards drinking to deal with loneliness, and to numb the pain of past hurts.. but I know thats not the way to go and will just lead to more problems..
Thanks again,
K xx

[the bellinator]

How can I change my negative thinking?

ok Katie,
Here is the counselor in me speaking (I'm really a school counselor).......keep record of your negative thoughts and pick the one that is the WORST one of all. Whenever you find yourself with this naughty thought on your mind, replace it with a thought that celebrates where you are and where you are trying to go. It might be something like, "I'm a courageous and dedicated person who is working hard to trun my life around." Once you get that awful thought replaced with this one (or something like it), the other negativities will be easier to replace. Make sense? This is not an easy or fast process. You took X years to put your basket of thoughts in your mind. It may takes months to a year to retrain your brain. I think it is well worth it though! Good luck.

Bell

[Lavande]

How can I change my negative thinking?

Katie,

Negative thinking is a learned behavior - you can unlearn it, I did!!!
I used this Habit Busting program one year ago - it worked

https://www.habitsaway.com/?hop=digimoney

Use this or any similar program - you will be gld you did!

Lav

[dancelot]

How can I change my negative thinking?

Hi, KatieB -

Start a gratitude list. Even when one is feeling particularly miserable, you can usually find something, even something small. Sometimes it's things as simple as I have a roof over my head and a warm bed to sleep in, and a hot cup of coffee in the morning. Do it every day. It is a small change that does that kind of retrains the brain to see the glass half full rather than half empty.

I too was a very negative, fearful person. I had to make a conscious effort to learn new ways of looking at life. Even small steps taken add up, just like one AF day at a time adds up to a week, a month, a year if you make that one change and consistently do it every day. I can honestly say my life has gotten so much better. It's a process, but one that is very do able. :h

[startingover]

How can I change my negative thinking?

Hiya Katie, in many ways I could have written your post.
I am getting lots of help through counselling.
Also this site might help you

MoodGYM: Welcome

But like everyone says, you can change and there is hope

[KatieB]

How can I change my negative thinking?

Bell, thank you.. I have tried doing that before, and I will start doing that again, replacing a negative thought into a positive one.. you just have to catch yourself as the little buggers are so sneaky!
Thanks Lav, I will try that site u have suggested..
Dance - I will also try to see the positives in my life and what I have going for me.. which is a fair bit.. I do have alot to be thankful for..
S.O; thank you, I will try that site also..
Thanks again everyone.. I don't mean to go on about this kind of stuff, but is a big factor in why I drink.. I just have to be patient with 'retraining' my brain.. it took 20 years of thinking this way to get where I am today! I have to turn that around - one major step is not being in denial with AL.. one step at a time..
K xx

[mama bear]

How can I change my negative thinking?

Katie...I just reading "Drinking...A Love Story" and she had major self esteem issue......might want to give it a try....it's by Caroline Knapp

[Doggygirl]

How can I change my negative thinking?

KatieB, I think it's fabulous that you recognize what's going on and realize there is something you can do about it, and that some change might help you become a more content sober person!

I love all the suggestions so far!

I huge fear driver (and peace disruptor!) for me is worrying about future events, which is one thing you mentioned. I drank over MANY a fear filled worry than never even came to pass.

One thing that has helped me is learning to "Stay in the moment" and "Stay in today." I totally did NOT "get" the whole "one day at a time" thing initially. But now that I am learning to embrace TODAY and enjoy what is going on RIGHT NOW and stop thinking (worrying) about future events that may or may not even happen, I do much better.

The serenity prayer helps me a lot as well. I try to really consider what is and is not within my ability to control. Most of my worries were about things outside of my control! I can worry all I want to, but if it's outside of my control I can't do anything about it anyway. So that's some REAL wasted negative energy there.

Just in case it's needed....

Grant me the serenity to accept the things (or people) I cannot change,
The courage to change the things (or one person) I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference (or that the person is me).

There is also a book that Determinator and others have highly rated for helping with learning to stay in today. I haven't read it yet but since it has been so highly recommended by others I respect, "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle.

You will blossom and grow because you are willing to look honestly at yourself and you are willing to work on changes! THAT ROCKS!! Thank you for sharing your journey with us!

DG

[spuddleduck]

How can I change my negative thinking?

thanks KB for post on negative thought etc. again you are not alone. thats an awful lot the same as i feel . as you say AL is not the answer. ive been doing that for so long and im sure it has made things much worse in the long run. increased anxiety and paranoia. thanks everyone for advice about this. i think a lot of people with AL problems also have problems with negativity and anxiety. what came first , the chicken or the egg.

[KatieB]

How can I change my negative thinking?

Thanks also for everyone's reply's;
MB - I will look for that book in some bookstores near me.. thank you
DG - thank you, and I know that serenity prayer.. its very accurate as often we cannot control so many things - and we have to learn to be happy and accept that, and just make positive differences to what we can change, including ourselves and our attitudes..
Spuddle - that's an old debate when it comes to drinking and depression. which came first.. as depression/anxiety/low self-esteem does make a lot of people turn to AL to cope.. however, as we are all here, we know that AL does not work.. and also people who did not have previous problems with the above, but then drink AL, then end up with anxiety and depression as AL is a depressant.. and we all know drinking to excess can make you paranoid and anxious the next day(s).. i've been so anxious sometimes after a binge, that I cannot even leave the house!
The lesson is, AL does not 'cure' anything! We have to change the way we think and deal with things sober.. and we will be much stronger as a result.. I know its a long and rocky road ahead, but I can start making changes to my attitude from today..
Thanks again all,
Love K xxx

[mario]

How can I change my negative thinking?

When we believe that we will fail we often do. Try and keep positive try and banish the negative thoughts that plague us, that bring us down and prevent us from succeeding. You may have been someone who used alcohol to feel better about the way you thought about yourself, to make you feel more positive about yourself. Many people do. However, although in order to recover we need to accept our weaknesses, we also need to learn new patterns of thought and behaviour and appreciate our strengths and good points also.


" Negative thoughts are the weak link; a shift in your awareness and thinking positive will change your day."

[cuckoosnest83]

How can I change my negative thinking?

Hi KatieB. One thing I have been doing every morning is reading daily meditations based on Native American teachings. Many of them deal with how powerful our self-talk is and to keep it positive. What we tell ourselves we are, we become. The other thing I recently started is a blessing jar. Everyday I look to find a positive in my life and write it on a slip of paper and put it in a jar. Even very small, simple things. Good luck to you.

[KatieB]

How can I change my negative thinking?

Mario - so true.. we do have to accept our weaknesses, everyone has them! Learning new patterns of thought will take me awhile.. but I determined to change.. I do not want to be miserable and insecure the whole of my life!
cuckooonest - I love that idea of a blessings jar.. I think I will start one of those today.. I will also try to retrain my brain to tell myself positive affirmations, and try to see the positive in all situations, good or bad,
take care all
K xx