Just having a *moment* here

[ATLThrash]

Just having a *moment* here

Anotherday--- you can do it! Just think of being all clean inside which non-alcohol will make you feel! There are issues out there for you from your posts and I am not minimizing them-- depression is crushing and I know it well-- I have had anxiety issues on and off for a while. You were made teh wonderful person that you are-- and where there are soem great things about you there might be other things about others that are not so great. I used to say-- I wish I could have been born without X Y or Z but then I sort of realized that certain thinsg folks take for granted that I haev I would maybe not have. So I think the positive list helps-- heck if it is only-- the one thing I am thankful for today is that I have a great dog! I am such a poor typist-- sorry!

[Anotherday]

Just having a *moment* here

ATLThrash;818120 wrote: Anotherday--- you can do it! Just think of being all clean inside which non-alcohol will make you feel! There are issues out there for you from your posts and I am not minimizing them-- depression is crushing and I know it well-- I have had anxiety issues on and off for a while. You were made teh wonderful person that you are-- and where there are soem great things about you there might be other things about others that are not so great. I used to say-- I wish I could have been born without X Y or Z but then I sort of realized that certain thinsg folks take for granted that I haev I would maybe not have. So I think the positive list helps-- heck if it is only-- the one thing I am thankful for today is that I have a great dog! I am such a poor typist-- sorry!

Thanks How are you doing today? Are you hanging in there? I am thankful you have a great dog too!

[ATLThrash]

Just having a *moment* here

Okay..

I am okay. One minute at a time. I did finally forgive the drinking of the other night and not being guilty helped me drink less. Actually I do not have a dog but I recalled you had one and it seesm like you really care for him (or her)-- almost like a child-- I will never drink before driving my child (not on purpose-- if something had ever happend to him late at night with my hubby gone I would have been screwed) and never had more than one drink where he coudl see me and always if my husband was around-- seesm liek with the grooming story that it might be that way with you-- staying sober to drive the dog-- and this shows you can control things at least some so be proud!

[Anotherday]

Just having a *moment* here

ATLThrash;818133 wrote: I am okay. One minute at a time. I did finally forgive the drinking of the other night and not being guilty helped me drink less. Actually I do not have a dog but I recalled you had one and it seesm like you really care for him (or her)-- almost like a child-- I will never drink before driving my child (not on purpose-- if something had ever happend to him late at night with my hubby gone I would have been screwed) and never had more than one drink where he coudl see me and always if my husband was around-- seesm liek with the grooming story that it might be that way with you-- staying sober to drive the dog-- and this shows you can control things at least some so be proud!

LOL, sorry, I guess I got confused! Yes, I have two dogs who are my kids. Hey, I just posted in your Irish thread!

Let's both hang in here a minute at a time. I did have a moment I considered going to the store. It's hard, hah? Soon it will be time for bed and then onto tomorrow!

[Gold]

Just having a *moment* here

Hello all,

Thank you for the kind comments about my post, I'm glad it was something that contributed to the discussion.

Congratulations on all of the AF days. I have found this place really has worked for me, the biggest factor was in removing the guilt I felt when I found that I wasn't the only one! I guess that's what isolation does, makes you think you are the only one.

I worked out this morning that out of the roughly 32 weeks since I joined MWO I have been AF for 25 of those weeks, with a few set backs but each gave me a new resolve and I am now on day 74 again, by Friday it will be day 78 but without the 'again'! I was thinking the other day that if I was offered a vast sum of money to drink a bottle of wine, would I? I didn't have to think too much about it and the answer was no, because it takes so much to pull oneself out of the pit that I have not the slightest desire to return there.

That said, I am drinking coffee which I didn't do before and finding other less damaging ways to punish myself! So I was thinking about the conforming that we were talking about and I realised that for me I tried so hard to conform, wanting always to please people and being afraid of the consequences of not doing so, and feeling guilty so guilty. As KatieB says acting, pretending to enjoy things when I didn't, putting other peoples needs before my own, not even knowing what my own were and so on.

It got to the point where if I did something I wanted to I felt guilty and thought that I had to do things that I didn't want to! So I withdrew to get away from having to pretend, but being so used to doing things I didn't want to do I didn't replace anything with things I did want to do!

I know what I want to do now but it's like a foreign land, and it's a challenge to uncover and strip away the past patterns in order to move forward. It is something we can do though and the rewards are beyond anything we could imagine; alcohol, drugs, mindless entertainment etc are distractions that take us from our true selves and create depression and hopelessness.

I read a very interesting book a couple of months ago within which is a map of consciousness, on this scale of consciousness there is a level labeled integrity which represents truth, alcohol falls below this level of integrity and therefore in my perception obscures and distorts the truth of who we are.

Anyway, that's my thought as I woke up this morning, it's good to have a place to write it down :thanks:

On dogs, I was so relieved to see that dog walks have been a casualty of alcohol, I thought it was just me

[dancingon]

Just having a *moment* here

Hi AD

While I'm a newbie and can't claim any great long successes yet, I identify with some of what you say. My affair with AL is a recent thing (to think I used to share a bottle of wine with 2 people and not feel the need to open another).

Loneliness can happen even when you're in a long marriage with kids, so rather than feeling that you've missed out maybe you should concentrate on the opportunities being single affords you. I'm lucky that my kids are still at home (like your dog), so I need to be responsible at times and I have company (although let's not kid ourselves that kids don't notice our excesses). I turn 50 at the end of the year and I see it as a new start and I don't want to carry alcohol abuse into my next 50!

It is very difficult to make new friends at our age. When my marriage broke up, I advertised for people in my area to go doggy walking in the evenings and got one reply. She was kind of condescending, and made me feel tragic for being so lonely as to have had to advertise. I've joined a gym but don't always feel motivated and people tend to sweat while staring straight ahead. I've joined an archery club with my kids and I'm thinking of doing some sort of art course. Everything you join doesn't have to be to do with substance abuse. Is there something fun you want to do? I agree though that it's easier to do it with someone. If you can't move, and can't get a job you have to accept that for the moment, but that doesn't mean it won't change. I'd say in the mean time concentrate of grooming yourself into someone you can love. Can you get someone from that support group to pick you up for meetings?
One thing someone suggested to me, which I haven't tried yet - make a visual prophecy. That means stick pictures representing what you want out of life on a poster and hang it somewhere prominent. It might be people you admire, places you want to visit, clothes/homes you want to own, jobs, interests you want to pursue etc.

[Funny Girl]

Just having a *moment* here

Dancingon,

The Visual tool you speak of is a great thing - some call it a visioning board. I used this at one point & it does work I think. It helps crystallize what you want & does help you start seeing more positive things in your own head as reality. There are some good books along these lines, not specific to visual representation, but could be extended into that - same pricipal. There's a book called "Write it down, Make it Happen", by Henriette Anne Klauser - I got a lot out of that one. There's another book called "Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting" by Lynn Grabhorn. Both are worth getting & working with. Multiple visioning boards are a good idea as well for different areas of your life. Making those can be a freeing excercise in self expression, both artistically and in defining where you'd like your life to go next. I haven't done one in awhile, so maybe now would be a great time. Thanks for the reminder.

[spuddleduck]

Just having a *moment* here

kinda like your visual thing. ive found photo's of me having happy times doing things i loved to do NOT DRINKING and put them round my mirror. i can look at them and see the way things can be without AL. think i may also put a couple up of me in some bad drunk states to remind myself im doing the right thing

[Anotherday]

Just having a *moment* here

dancingon;818691 wrote: Hi AD

While I'm a newbie and can't claim any great long successes yet, I identify with some of what you say. My affair with AL is a recent thing (to think I used to share a bottle of wine with 2 people and not feel the need to open another).

Loneliness can happen even when you're in a long marriage with kids, so rather than feeling that you've missed out maybe you should concentrate on the opportunities being single affords you. I'm lucky that my kids are still at home (like your dog), so I need to be responsible at times and I have company (although let's not kid ourselves that kids don't notice our excesses). I turn 50 at the end of the year and I see it as a new start and I don't want to carry alcohol abuse into my next 50!

It is very difficult to make new friends at our age. When my marriage broke up, I advertised for people in my area to go doggy walking in the evenings and got one reply. She was kind of condescending, and made me feel tragic for being so lonely as to have had to advertise. I've joined a gym but don't always feel motivated and people tend to sweat while staring straight ahead. I've joined an archery club with my kids and I'm thinking of doing some sort of art course. Everything you join doesn't have to be to do with substance abuse. Is there something fun you want to do? I agree though that it's easier to do it with someone. If you can't move, and can't get a job you have to accept that for the moment, but that doesn't mean it won't change. I'd say in the mean time concentrate of grooming yourself into someone you can love. Can you get someone from that support group to pick you up for meetings?
One thing someone suggested to me, which I haven't tried yet - make a visual prophecy. That means stick pictures representing what you want out of life on a poster and hang it somewhere prominent. It might be people you admire, places you want to visit, clothes/homes you want to own, jobs, interests you want to pursue etc.

Dancingon,

That visualization idea is good. I'll think about doing that. Thanks for saying it's hard to make friends at this age. Yes, this is my experience. Actually, all your ideas are great. I have spent so much time here since Friday and maybe I've overdone it. Maybe there is too much of a good thing and I don't want to overdo it.

Anyway, it's my daily moment here. I just want to close out day 4 AF but I'm feeling very out of sorts and don't know what to do with myself. I already went for a walk today and it's dark now. Already went shopping today and can't spend anymore money. I suppose I could go to the gym but haven't been for months and don't really feel like it. I did finally sit down and do a couple hours of math and that was all I could handle as my brain doesn't do math well.

Anyway, I see my therapist tomorrow and can share some of what I've felt in these past four days. I am trying not to cheat and take half a Lunesta as it's only 7 p.m. and that would be cheating. I have to wait until later for that. There is just nothing I want to do so I am typing this out here so the voices don't start telling me to go get some wine. The voices are saying "ok, you've gone almost 4 days. Maybe you cannot be perfect. Maybe you really cannot do this thing. Maybe you should just drink tonight and then share this tomorrow with the therapist. After all, you've gone almost 4 days." Well, just typing this out in the hopes it loses some of its strength. Thanks for letting me share.

Oh, and it doesn't help that my mother went to a funeral open house for herself today. She discussed both her and my father's funeral arrangements and told me where she is going to be buried and how there are flowers there and it was just such a freaking bizarro conversation to have!

[KatieB]

Just having a *moment* here

Anotherday;819595 wrote:
Oh, and it doesn't help that my mother went to a funeral open house for herself today. She discussed both her and my father's funeral arrangements and told me where she is going to be buried and how there are flowers there and it was just such a freaking bizarro conversation to have!

Hi AnotherDay,
Very well done on 4 AF days, that's fantastic! you should be feeling stronger and more confident now.. and your body will appreciate it too! Keep it up, and if it helps to write down when you get urges, which will help you to not buy wine, keep doing so..
I thought what you said about your mum and the funeral plans was quite amusing! how strange.. that must have been very weird for you.. oh well, i guess some people like to be organised.. about everything!
Keep up the good AF work!
Katie xx

[Anotherday]

Just having a *moment* here

KatieB;819598 wrote: Hi AnotherDay,
Very well done on 4 AF days, that's fantastic! you should be feeling stronger and more confident now.. and your body will appreciate it too! Keep it up, and if it helps to write down when you get urges, which will help you to not buy wine, keep doing so..
I thought what you said about your mum and the funeral plans was quite amusing! how strange.. that must have been very weird for you.. oh well, i guess some people like to be organised.. about everything!
Keep up the good AF work!
Katie xx

You hanging in there too Katie? How's the anxiety level now? Hope not quite so bad.

Yeah, it was one weird conversation. They even had a "door prize." My mother had thought perhaps it might be a funeral plot, not that she needs one. They had cookies and coffee and all discussed their own funerals. I tell ya, I just wanna write my will and not give it another thought.

And I found that writing down these urges made them dissipate. I'd encourage others to do the same before going for the drink. Thanks!

[KatieB]

Just having a *moment* here

Hi AnotherDay,
Anxiety feels a bit better now, especially after reading everyone's wonderful posts of ideas and support.. i'm smoking a lot more now though but thats better than drinking! having lots of tea too..
I have the chaplain from my local hospital coming with me.. she came with me last time too.. im not religious but my counsellor suggested her, and she's really nice and a great support..
Yeah, i dont really know what is going to happen to me when im gone, i also just want to write a will and be done with it too! whatever..
Coming on here when you feel the urge is a great idea, and its what this site is for.. i write about things going on in my life that could cause me to drink too - such as the thread about the court case.. just reading other's ideas of how to cope, and get some support is so so helpful.. i cannot thank everyone enough!
Day 4 is great.. so well done!.. im now on day 14, im sure you could do as many AF days too - im aiming for the 30 days for now..
take care,
Katie xx

[Anotherday]

Just having a *moment* here

KatieB;819616 wrote: Hi AnotherDay,
Anxiety feels a bit better now, especially after reading everyone's wonderful posts of ideas and support.. i'm smoking a lot more now though but thats better than drinking! having lots of tea too..
I have the chaplain from my local hospital coming with me.. she came with me last time too.. im not religious but my counsellor suggested her, and she's really nice and a great support..
Yeah, i dont really know what is going to happen to me when im gone, i also just want to write a will and be done with it too! whatever..
Coming on here when you feel the urge is a great idea, and its what this site is for.. i write about things going on in my life that could cause me to drink too - such as the thread about the court case.. just reading other's ideas of how to cope, and get some support is so so helpful.. i cannot thank everyone enough!
Day 4 is great.. so well done!.. im now on day 14, im sure you could do as many AF days too - im aiming for the 30 days for now..
take care,
Katie xx

That is a fine aim Katie. Starting out with 30. I am aiming for that too and hopefully after that as well. Right now I'll be happy with a week. Congrats on TWO WHOLE WEEKS!

I think it's great the chaplain will be going to court with you. That should most certainly help. As to the smoking, yes, it is better than drinking. Much better. :l

AD