Just having a *moment* here

[Anotherday]

Just having a *moment* here

KatieB;817617 wrote: That's fantastic AD.. well done! one day at a time.. you should be very proud of yourself..
Being AF has definately helped change my attitude towards life.. it does make you feel more in control.. and without the depressant qualities of AL in your system, you can start to feel more 'normal'.. I already feel so much less anxious, and i'm able to get out and about without any stress.. I went to the cinema today then got home and made a lovely meal to have tonight with my little boy..
Being AF has so many good points.. it helps make you feel stronger and more in control of your destiny.. no life is ever perfect.. but I for one am definately less likely to have any major stuff-ups without AL,
Congrats again on your first day AF!! :cheering:
Katie xx

Wow, Katie. The movies and a lovely meal with your little boy. That does sound wonderful and I bet he loved it!

[Funny Girl]

Just having a *moment* here

Congrats on your first full day AF Anotherday & we'll see you out here again soon! Tomorrow will be day 14 for me. You'll be happy in the morning that you woke up sober! I may go & make up a list myself per Katie's suggestion tonight too! Sounds like fun since I'm full of good ideas .. . . . . ;-)

Good night!

[Anotherday]

Just having a *moment* here

Funny Girl;817621 wrote: Congrats on your first full day AF Anotherday & we'll see you out here again soon! Tomorrow will be day 14 for me. You'll be happy in the morning that you woke up sober! I may go & make up a list myself per Katie's suggestion tonight too! Sounds like fun since I'm full of good ideas .. . . . . ;-)

Good night!

Woohoo! Major congrats on TWO WEEKS! Good night to you too!

[Gold]

Just having a *moment* here

Hi Anotherday,

I've been reading this thread and think it's really interesting, so glad to see you expressing yourself. This bit really struck me

Anotherday;817548 wrote: I am sitting reading this book and the voice keeps going through my head "My life is ruined, my life is ruined, my life is ruined!".

as I always had something similar running through my head "You're wasting your life, you're wasting your life", in my case it was my mother's voice, she used to say that over and over to me as a teenager, and it was set up to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. So perhaps that voice belongs to someone else and not to you and therefore has no right to be there.

I'm 53 and have two daughters, the last 10 years have been extremely lonely and challenging, add financial issues and so on to the mix and I have no idea where I am going from here, my younger daughter will go to University this year.

I can see though how much I have learnt in other ways, psychologically, spiritually and so on, and somehow I know that there is a need for what I have to offer and that I couldn't have it to give without having arrived at where I am now.

The same I feel is true for you, your life is not ruined, it is entering a new phase. You seem to me to be a very intelligent person who finds it difficult to conform, and why should you have to as long as you are not committing a crime or hurting someone. I know my neighbours think I am strange, if they think about me at all, but the fact is I just do not share their view of the world, or indeed the media's view of the world. It is difficult to meet like minded people.

In opening up yourself you've attracted really interesting responses from other people here on your thread, and maybe that's part of your purpose in life, to facilitate discussion, to enable others to say that they too find it difficult to fit in and conform. The world is in a state of huge change at this time and who is to say how things will be in five or ten years from now, there is and will be new opportunities and perhaps rather than your life being ruined, it has been in a kind of hibernation, a chrysalis form, perhaps the conditions haven't been right and now they are for you to emerge as all that you are. It is only convention that says that by a certain age we should have experienced this that and the other, acquired such and such and so on.

[KatieB]

Just having a *moment* here

Gold;817646 wrote:


The same I feel is true for you, your life is not ruined, it is entering a new phase. You seem to me to be a very intelligent person who finds it difficult to conform, and why should you have to as long as you are not committing a crime or hurting someone.

The world is in a state of huge change at this time and who is to say how things will be in five or ten years from now, there is and will be new opportunities and perhaps rather than your life being ruined, it has been in a kind of hibernation, a chrysalis form, perhaps the conditions haven't been right and now they are for you to emerge as all that you are. It is only convention that says that by a certain age we should have experienced this that and the other, acquired such and such and so on.

That's a great response, Gold.. I too have found it difficult to conform.. and I guess that's why I turned to AL too.. life's rules frustrated me, people frustrated me.. I felt trapped by thinking I had to act a certain way - 'act' being the operative word - I felt that most people, that's all they were doing - ACTING.. and I, for one, did not want to have to pretend to keep and make friends.. but that way I ended up alone! When I drunk, I could just be myself without having to act.. it felt so liberating.. but did lead to some disasterous consequences.. and a lot of people did not like me when i drunk, though other's thought I was great!
Life can be frustrating.. as the media you mentioned. and society places expectations on people to what they SHOULD be doing, what they SHOULD be achieving by certain ages.. and it just leads to depression when you feel you are not fitting in with what you are supposed to.. my mother constantly made out (not always said) how disappointed in me she was, that I did not turn out like her.. that I was not this subservient, quiet, and conformist woman.. but someone who sought excitement and wanted more out of life than just conforming to make people be happy with me..
That's a great post, Gold (as always!!) - and I agree, AD - you sound like a very strong, intelligent and humourous woman.. don't think that all you have in life is AL, or that's all you are - you are more than your bipolar or 'addiction' to AL.. there is so much more to all of us!
Katie xx

[Anotherday]

Just having a *moment* here

Gold;817646 wrote: Hi Anotherday,

I've been reading this thread and think it's really interesting, so glad to see you expressing yourself. This bit really struck me as I always had something similar running through my head "You're wasting your life, you're wasting your life", in my case it was my mother's voice, she used to say that over and over to me as a teenager, and it was set up to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. So perhaps that voice belongs to someone else and not to you and therefore has no right to be there.

I'm 53 and have two daughters, the last 10 years have been extremely lonely and challenging, add financial issues and so on to the mix and I have no idea where I am going from here, my younger daughter will go to University this year.

I can see though how much I have learnt in other ways, psychologically, spiritually and so on, and somehow I know that there is a need for what I have to offer and that I couldn't have it to give without having arrived at where I am now.

The same I feel is true for you, your life is not ruined, it is entering a new phase. You seem to me to be a very intelligent person who finds it difficult to conform, and why should you have to as long as you are not committing a crime or hurting someone. I know my neighbours think I am strange, if they think about me at all, but the fact is I just do not share their view of the world, or indeed the media's view of the world. It is difficult to meet like minded people.

In opening up yourself you've attracted really interesting responses from other people here on your thread, and maybe that's part of your purpose in life, to facilitate discussion, to enable others to say that they too find it difficult to fit in and conform. The world is in a state of huge change at this time and who is to say how things will be in five or ten years from now, there is and will be new opportunities and perhaps rather than your life being ruined, it has been in a kind of hibernation, a chrysalis form, perhaps the conditions haven't been right and now they are for you to emerge as all that you are. It is only convention that says that by a certain age we should have experienced this that and the other, acquired such and such and so on.

Wow, Gold, what a wonderful post and a wonderful way to look at things. I used to work at a domestic violence shelter called Chrysalis. Yes, who knows what lies ahead. I am going to have to refer to this thread often when the demons call me. You just said so much good stuff that I am going to have to ponder. You makes such interesting points about the need to conform and society's expectations we do so. I agree. I think of lot of my struggle is around not having conformed and I find myself the odd duck out at times. It's hard to meet like-minded people often when a nonconformist.

Apart from your thought provoking post, can I say it's so great to be AF in this moment? Normally, I'd be ecstatic to be drinking wine alone at this time of day, but this is even better. It's 4 a.m. and I can't sleep, but it's a wonderful feeling to know I've typed every word on this computer today AF and can remember all of it! I just took half a sleeping pill so hopefully I will sleep more soon. I so appreciate all of your kind words and your input. :l

[Anotherday]

Just having a *moment* here

KatieB;817660 wrote:


That's a great response, Gold.. I too have found it difficult to conform.. and I guess that's why I turned to AL too.. life's rules frustrated me, people frustrated me.. I felt trapped by thinking I had to act a certain way - 'act' being the operative word - I felt that most people, that's all they were doing - ACTING.. and I, for one, did not want to have to pretend to keep and make friends.. but that way I ended up alone! When I drunk, I could just be myself without having to act.. it felt so liberating.. but did lead to some disasterous consequences.. and a lot of people did not like me when i drunk, though other's thought I was great!
Life can be frustrating.. as the media you mentioned. and society places expectations on people to what they SHOULD be doing, what they SHOULD be achieving by certain ages.. and it just leads to depression when you feel you are not fitting in with what you are supposed to.. my mother constantly made out (not always said) how disappointed in me she was, that I did not turn out like her.. that I was not this subservient, quiet, and conformist woman.. but someone who sought excitement and wanted more out of life than just conforming to make people be happy with me..
That's a great post, Gold (as always!!) - and I agree, AD - you sound like a very strong, intelligent and humourous woman.. don't think that all you have in life is AL, or that's all you are - you are more than your bipolar or 'addiction' to AL.. there is so much more to all of us!
Katie xx

Hmm, most interesting comment Katie. You didn't want to have to ACT, so you ended up alone! Wow, can I relate to that! Again, interesting points about society's expectations we conform. One of my favorite quotes comes from Krishnamurti: It is no sign of mental health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

Thanks so much for your kind words Katie and I could say the same for you and will! :l

[ATLThrash]

Just having a *moment* here

So sorry

I am with you that it does suck-- the pattern and wow-- to tell all your business-- that is so wrong. There are these pretty good tapes for walking too but I am just over being in the house--I want to shoot the walls up! Good luck-- today may be alcohol free for both of us-- just a minute at a time!

[Anotherday]

Just having a *moment* here

ATLThrash;817774 wrote: I am with you that it does suck-- the pattern and wow-- to tell all your business-- that is so wrong. There are these pretty good tapes for walking too but I am just over being in the house--I want to shoot the walls up! Good luck-- today may be alcohol free for both of us-- just a minute at a time!

Alrighty, ATLThrash, let's make it an AF day! I am on board with this idea!

I feel so much better and only after one day. My stomach was all bloated yesterday and just going one day without the extra 1100 calories has made a difference in my stomach.

Onward and upward!

[Funny Girl]

Just having a *moment* here

Gold & Katie - glad I'm not the only one that people expressed disappointment with. Wow - can I relate. Gold - this business of being constantly told 'you're wasting you're life' - I was always told I wasn't accomplishing enough . . . I"ve actually accomplished a lot & if people really knew the 'other' life I was living while doing it all - I should actually get a gold star because I have no idea how I managed it while hiding my 'real' life . . . .Katie - I had a mom who always expressed disappointment that I wasn't like her. I guess she expected some look alike, act alike doll & when I arrived, I was in her words "just like my father's people" - I always pictured them in a boat off shore yelling "swim for your life!" ha!

Anyway . . . . .I feel better reading this stuff in a way - tells me I'm in no way unique. I feel like this site may just be the place where the "misfits fit". Glad to be here. Day 14 for me today! How exciting.

Anotherday - glad you made it sober. Sleep can be tough at first - your body is adjusting to not constantly having a sedative running through it - if you can help it along a bit without drinking - do so. You'll be ok. I found that it got easier by week 2. Last night I slept HARD! It was great!

I bought some melatonin - 5mg to take before bed. It makes it easier to get to sleep & is a natural substance rather than a scrip. You may also want to look into that. I tried 3mg - it helped, but 5 is definitely better. A half hour before bed & I'm in my jammies & ready to go.

Happy Sunday all.

[KatieB]

Just having a *moment* here

[QUOTE=Funny Girl;817868].Katie - I had a mom who always expressed disappointment that I wasn't like her. I guess she expected some look alike, act alike doll & when I arrived, I was in her words "just like my father's people" - I always pictured them in a boat off shore yelling "swim for your life!" ha!

Anyway . . . . .I feel better reading this stuff in a way - tells me I'm in no way unique. I feel like this site may just be the place where the "misfits fit". Glad to be here. Day 14 for me today! How exciting.

AD - It's great to hear you sounding more positive about the whole thing.. we are in this journey together to improve out lives, and to try not to turn to AL when things get tough!
FG - I know exactly what you mean.. my mother never said she was disappointed in what I had achieved (or not achieved), but she constantly made out I was a huge disappointment that I was not like her personality-wise, that I was my own person.. she also said at times "your just like your father", like it was an insult!
My father is a lovely, kind and caring person - I finally managed to track him down 2 years ago, after my mother never gave me his details.. now, me and my sister do not speak or stay in contact with our mother, but we both stay in contact with our father - who loves us unconditionally.. for who we are.. I just wish I had gone to live with him as a child and not my mother and terrible step-father!
Congrats on your amazing 14 days AF! I am on Day 12 today.. strength and hope to us all, and I am happy to be on this site, being a "misfit" than trying to be someone I am not!!
Katie xx

[KatieB]

Just having a *moment* here

I][QUOTE=Funny Girl;817868].Katie - I had a mom who always expressed disappointment that I wasn't like her. I guess she expected some look alike, act alike doll & when I arrived, I was in her words "just like my father's people" - I always pictured them in a boat off shore yelling "swim for your life!" ha!

Anyway . . . . .I feel better reading this stuff in a way - tells me I'm in no way unique. I feel like this site may just be the place where the "misfits fit". Glad to be here. Day 14 for me today! How exciting[/I].

AD - It's great to hear you sounding more positive about the whole thing.. we are in this journey together to improve out lives, and to try not to turn to AL when things get tough!
FG - I know exactly what you mean.. my mother never said she was disappointed in what I had achieved (or not achieved), but she constantly made out I was a huge disappointment that I was not like her personality-wise, that I was my own person.. she also said at times "your just like your father", like it was an insult!
My father is a lovely, kind and caring person - I finally managed to track him down 2 years ago, after my mother never gave me his details.. now, me and my sister do not speak or stay in contact with our mother, but we both stay in contact with our father - who loves us unconditionally.. for who we are.. I just wish I had gone to live with him as a child and not my mother and terrible step-father!
Congrats on your amazing 14 days AF! I am on Day 12 today.. strength and hope to us all, and I am happy to be on this site, being a "misfit" than trying to be someone I am not!!
Katie xx

[KatieB]

Just having a *moment* here

[quote]KatieB;818066 wrote: I]

.Katie - I had a mom who always expressed disappointment that I wasn't like her. I guess she expected some look alike, act alike doll & when I arrived, I was in her words "just like my father's people" - I always pictured them in a boat off shore yelling "swim for your life!" ha!

Anyway . . . . .I feel better reading this stuff in a way - tells me I'm in no way unique. I feel like this site may just be the place where the "misfits fit". Glad to be here. Day 14 for me today! How exciting

.[/I]

AD - It's great to hear you sounding more positive about the whole thing.. we are in this journey together to improve out lives, and to try not to turn to AL when things get tough!
FG - I know exactly what you mean.. my mother never said she was disappointed in what I had achieved (or not achieved), but she constantly made out I was a huge disappointment that I was not like her personality-wise, that I was my own person.. she also said at times "your just like your father", like it was an insult!
My father is a lovely, kind and caring person - I finally managed to track him down 2 years ago, after my mother never gave me his details.. now, me and my sister do not speak or stay in contact with our mother, but we both stay in contact with our father - who loves us unconditionally.. for who we are.. I just wish I had gone to live with him as a child and not my mother and terrible step-father!
Congrats on your amazing 14 days AF! I am on Day 12 today.. strength and hope to us all, and I am happy to be on this site, being a "misfit" than trying to be someone I am not!!
Katie xx

[KatieB]

Just having a *moment* here

[QUOTE=Funny Girl;817868].Katie - I had a mom who always expressed disappointment that I wasn't like her. I guess she expected some look alike, act alike doll & when I arrived, I was in her words "just like my father's people" - I always pictured them in a boat off shore yelling "swim for your life!" ha!

Anyway . . . . .I feel better reading this stuff in a way - tells me I'm in no way unique. I feel like this site may just be the place where the "misfits fit". Glad to be here. Day 14 for me today! How exciting[/I]

AD - It's great to hear you sounding more positive about the whole thing.. we are in this journey together to improve our lives, and to try not to turn to AL when things get tough!
FG - I know exactly what you mean.. my mother never said she was disappointed in what I had achieved (or not achieved), but she constantly made out I was a huge disappointment that I was not like her personality-wise, that I was my own person.. she also said at times "your just like your father", like it was an insult!
My father is a lovely, kind and caring person - I finally managed to track him down 2 years ago, after my mother never gave me his details.. now, me and my sister do not speak or stay in contact with our mother, but we both stay in contact with our father - who loves us unconditionally.. for who we are.. I just wish I had gone to live with him as a child and not my mother and terrible step-father!
Congrats on your amazing 14 days AF! I am on Day 12 today.. strength and hope to us all, and I am happy to be on this site, being a "misfit" than trying to be someone I am not!!
Katie xx

[KatieB]

Just having a *moment* here

Funny Girl;817868 wrote: Gold & Katie - glad I'm not the only one that people expressed disappointment with. Wow - can I relate. Gold - this business of being constantly told 'you're wasting you're life' - I was always told I wasn't accomplishing enough . . . I"ve actually accomplished a lot & if people really knew the 'other' life I was living while doing it all - I should actually get a gold star because I have no idea how I managed it while hiding my 'real' life . . . .Katie - I had a mom who always expressed disappointment that I wasn't like her. I guess she expected some look alike, act alike doll & when I arrived, I was in her words "just like my father's people" - I always pictured them in a boat off shore yelling "swim for your life!" ha!

Anyway . . . . .I feel better reading this stuff in a way - tells me I'm in no way unique. I feel like this site may just be the place where the "misfits fit". Glad to be here. Day 14 for me today! How exciting.

.

AD - It's great to hear you sounding more positive about the whole thing.. we are in this journey together to improve our lives, and to try not to turn to AL when things get tough!
FG - I know exactly what you mean.. my mother never said she was disappointed in what I had achieved (or not achieved), but she constantly made out I was a huge disappointment that I was not like her personality-wise, that I was my own person.. she also said at times "your just like your father", like it was an insult!
My father is a lovely, kind and caring person - I finally managed to track him down 2 years ago, after my mother never gave me his details.. now, me and my sister do not speak or stay in contact with our mother, but we both stay in contact with our father - who loves us unconditionally.. for who we are.. I just wish I had gone to live with him as a child and not my mother and terrible step-father!
Congrats on your amazing 14 days AF! I am on Day 12 today.. strength and hope to us all, and I am happy to be on this site, being a "misfit" than trying to be someone I am not!!
Katie xx