Slightly OT - how to handle drinking screwup?

[Anotherday]

This is bugging me so I'm going to ask for your help and direction. Today is only day 2 AF and I don't know what to do. I don't need anything festering inside and this is.

I signed up for this program at the community college to try to "break the cycle" of drinking and depression. It started Feb 1. It's night school which means there were days I drank and days I did not go. I've sent the instructor an email telling him I've missed class due to personal health issues and that I want to continue and pass the course. He never responded. Half of the grade is attendance. I was too busy drinking, of course.

The truth is I hate the course and don't really want to do the profession, but it could benefit me somehow. Plus I paid for it and I'm out the money either way. Today I am looking at doing math (which I hate!). I'm sitting here thinking if I am going to fail anyway, I'll just drop out. Point is, he never responded to me and this was 3 or 4 days ago.

What would you do? This is just the sort of thing that gets under my skin and could lead me to say, WTH, and drink. I hate the thought of math (and if I am going to fail anyway, I will clean rather than do math today). I've never been a bad student so I am at a loss here. Thanks for any thoughts.

[Funny Girl]

Slightly OT - how to handle drinking screwup?

Well, here's what I'd say - no matter what you decided - don't drink. Math or no math. If you think you're going to fail anyway, maybe you should just 'fess up' and ask if there's any way to resume & go forward. Tell him you've found a support mechanism, stopped drinking & want to continue. See what they say. Worst case they say no. Then - you take a walk, cook a meal, go shopping . . . .whatever! Just don't drink - at least then, you've told the truth - reinforced that you're here & confident in what you're doing & possibly they may even let you continue. What do you think?

[Anotherday]

Slightly OT - how to handle drinking screwup?

Funny Girl;817910 wrote: Well, here's what I'd say - no matter what you decided - don't drink. Math or no math. If you think you're going to fail anyway, maybe you should just 'fess up' and ask if there's any way to resume & go forward. Tell him you've found a support mechanism, stopped drinking & want to continue. See what they say. Worst case they say no. Then - you take a walk, cook a meal, go shopping . . . .whatever! Just don't drink - at least then, you've told the truth - reinforced that you're here & confident in what you're doing & possibly they may even let you continue. What do you think?

I think I feel angry that the instructor never responded to my email. I agree math or no math I don't drink. But I am so lost here. I am tempted to send another email saying I expected a response back and to see where I stand. I don't want to mention the drinking as it's none of his business. This condition is a personal health issue so I wasn't lying.

The school already told me not to worry about passing or failing, just to learn what I can, so they won't kick me out (at least for now). Well, this doesn't work for me.

I am so NOT used to being in this position. I could just :upset:

I have two other degrees and always did well in school. But this is where/how bad things have become. Thanks for your response!

[dancelot]

Slightly OT - how to handle drinking screwup?

Anotherday - Why does the instructor need to respond? You told him you wanted to continue the course. That sounds like you're saying you plan on showing up. From here it looks as if you are trying to shift the blame onto the instructor. If anything, the only thing he's guilty of is bad manners for not responding to your e-mail.

You paid for it, you'll lose money either way, you feel you might benefit from it, and the nights you missed you were drinking? If you'll get something positive and don't need to worry about your grade (as in are you in school and need to keep your GPA up?) go back and get what you can. If it's better to have a good GPA and dropping the class will help keep it up, do that and accept the fact the money is gone.

From my own personal experience this sounds a little like perfectionism, wanting everything to go right or go our way and not accepting the fact life rarely happens that way. Also the addict mindset of transfering or placing blame where it doesn't belong, rather than taking responsiblity. To me responsibilty means I get credit for my successes but when I screw up (and we all screw up) admit it and move on. Obsessing over the past or worrying what anyone thinks is useless, really. Trust me, it did take me about 50 years to learn this, but I did.

Another thought - if it gets you out of the house and keeps you from drinking - GO. Get what you can from the class, keep an open mind, even if one thing clicks.

Either let it go, and clean (by the way I hate both math and cleaning!) or step up, get what you can, and if all is not perfect, who cares? Take care.

[Anotherday]

Slightly OT - how to handle drinking screwup?

You are 100% right, Dancelot. Thanks for the common sense. I am just sitting here crying thinking I have to admit defeat. And I am being a perfectionist, which is just what I was reading about yesterday in my book. In my last course of study I got a 4.0 GPA from a well known and prestigious university. This is just some dumb community college course that is no credit and pass/fail. My thinking is really screwed up! I wish I could see my new therapist every day! I really need help!

I am going to stop crying, check the syllabus and see if there is any math for tomorrow night. If not, I'll skip the math today and do something else and NOT DRINK! I'll see how he reacts tomorrow night. I can always do math on Tuesday. Oh, and I hate cleaning too.

I never thought AL and depression could take me so far down the pike where I doubt each and every thought I have, cannot make simple decisions, cannot get out of the same clothes and don't shower. What I REALLY should be doing is admitting defeat to AL and never pick up another drink. Ok, I've stopped crying now. Thanks.

[dancelot]

Slightly OT - how to handle drinking screwup?

Perfectionism sucks! It ruled my life forever to the point of paralyzing me as far as decisions, actions, etc. At least now I'm aware enough to see when I'm "thinking like an addict" which I did for so many years!

The good news is, I'm slowly undoing that thinking pattern, so it doesn't rule my life. It may be in baby steps, but it is forward progress. Even when it comes up, I see it, but I also don't kick myself over it anymore (and then drink, or rather drink more - I always drank!). We're all human (even us perfectionists!).

P.S. - Remember however he reacts (I assume you mean the instructor), it is what it is. Possibly he won't react at all. Soldier on!

[Anotherday]

Slightly OT - how to handle drinking screwup?

dancelot;817935 wrote: Perfectionism sucks! It ruled my life forever to the point of paralyzing me as far as decisions, actions, etc. At least now I'm aware enough to see when I'm "thinking like an addict" which I did for so many years!

The good news is, I'm slowly undoing that thinking pattern, so it doesn't rule my life. It may be in baby steps, but it is forward progress. Even when it comes up, I see it, but I also don't kick myself over it anymore (and then drink, or rather drink more - I always drank!). We're all human (even us perfectionists!).

P.S. - Remember however he reacts (I assume you mean the instructor), it is what it is. Possibly he won't react at all. Soldier on!

It does suck. It's hard to see sometimes that one is like that when everything is in a shambles around oneself. Looking at my life, I sure wouldn't think I was one.

How are you undoing the thinking pattern, if I might ask? I need to do the same.

Rather than expect anything from this instructor, I need to reallize I screwed up and just live with the feelings. I am so accustomed to drinking screwups away and walking away. This is why it will be hard to sit there and just accept responsibility.

You know what? It's raining here today in the desert. I think I am going to go for a walk in the rain now. I really appreciate your clear thinking and help.

[Anotherday]

Slightly OT - how to handle drinking screwup?

Well, glad I checked in with MWO before I did anything stupid like send an email or drink.

Turns out, I did get a response back from the instructor and all is well. He told me it sounds like I know what I need to do (continue to do well on tests) and to let him know if I need anything. Whew! Good news is that. Bad news is signing off of MWO for a while to do math. :upset:

You all have a great Sunday/Monday wherever you are. :thanks:

[KateH1]

Slightly OT - how to handle drinking screwup?

Wow! Dancelot and FG.....great input!! This is why I still love MWO!

Best wishes on getting this sorted out, Anotherday!!

Kate

[dancelot]

Slightly OT - how to handle drinking screwup?

That's good, Anotherday! MWO is great for that, isn't it?
I'm thinking on your last question before writing it (also I'm doing something else at the same time and like my brain engaged 100% when writing!) and will check back later. Have a great day!

[Funny Girl]

Slightly OT - how to handle drinking screwup?

Anotherday - looks like all is well - hope the walk in the rain was grand. See? No drinking either? I'm sure you feel much better. This is the place, my friend. Dancelot is right about the perfectionism thing - I think a lot of people out here are sort of like that - otherwise, how could they manage to live their lives & do this screwing up all at the same time for so long while seemingly 'keeping it all together' before it all comes apart? It's an art form I tell you!

[mama bear]

Slightly OT - how to handle drinking screwup?

Very wise FG....