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    #1

    Wine in fridge

    I am at my witts end today.
    Had a long & honest discussion with my husband over the weekend.
    Told him all my fears and worries regarding the demon drink.
    We both agreed we are drinking too much and need to control / moderate / quit
    I managed Sunday / Mon / Tues without a drop - felt so good
    Woke up every day feeling so good - clean - focused
    (Unfortunately Hubby only managed 1 day)

    Came home yesterday to find fridge stocked with chilled Chablis -
    Husband says - lets have a glass - we don't need to drink a whole bottle (HA HA)
    hence last night drank nearly 3 bottles -
    Feel like shit today - really disapointed in myself & him.
    I feel like he is delibarelty trying to sabotage me.
    How can I do this against all these odds???
    Tags: None
    #2
    Wine in fridge

    How intersted do you think your husband really is in this? Are you the same when you drink? You may want to really explore what is the same and what is different about the way you drink, the way you feel when you drink and to what lengths you are willing to go to to stop, cut back on your drinking.

    In the end, these all may be very different from what you initially thought and you both may need to tackle it in different ways. It will be great if you can lean on each other, but what may work for you or what may motivate you may not work for him.

    From what you have said so far, it seems as though he is not as dedicated as you just yet.

    -Nina

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      #3
      Wine in fridge

      I'm sure he doesn't want to lose his drinking buddy. You need to accept the fact that he may not be as committed to quiting as you are. My advise is to focus on yourself and not him. Congratulations on the three days.
      Kris T.:l

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        #4
        Wine in fridge

        i feel like i'm going through the same thing with my husband. i had the same talk with him when i joined this site. for about three days he complied with my wish to not have any beer or wine around. then he started stocking the back fridge with our favorite beer that is hard to find. i haven't been very strong and i've been drinking some, but a lot less than before. sigh. i wish he was a non drinker. that would make my life alot easier. i feel like i'm punishing him by not having beer in the house because he really likes to have two or three when he gets home from work. i'm the one who has to have six, not him. i think if theres no beer here he will just go out to friends more often so he can drink there, or stop off at the bar. sorry, i'm rambling, this just reflected my situation and i need to vent. i feel your frustration and hope for the best. i don't particularly want to choose between my marriage and alcohol.

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          #5
          Wine in fridge

          YOU can do this

          Your sobriety isn't dependent on your husbands will or lack of will................my girlfriend was sober for 5 years before her husband loved the way her life was unfolding, sober, and decided to get sober also. The important part was that she didn't allow his lack of desire to hinder her commitment. YOU can do this, whether he wants to or not.

          :h

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            #6
            Wine in fridge

            yes, you are absolutely right. it's just hard to change with it *in your face*. it feels like sabotage to me as well. i like hearing a positive story though. i just read changeling's post and that's how i have been feeling, i just didn't want to admit it. the thing is ,about hairnets story, five years is a long time to be moving in a different direction than your spouse. oh, i just reread my previous post and that last line doesn't make any sense.

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              #7
              Wine in fridge

              Wow, thats too bad Changeling. I can TOTALLY understand how having it in the fridge makes it so much more difficult to resist. I wish I had some great words of wisdom. Unfortunately, we can only control ourselves. You say that you were able to not drink 3 days and your honey only managed one. Maybe use whatever strength/ power/ tactics you used to get through those other 2 days without him to get through future sober days without him.

              Also, if you don't feel as though you can handle just one glass of wine or don't want a glass of wine, simply tell your husband that you're going to the movies or to a friends house because you can't be around alcohol right now. I know this kinda sucks because it's like choosing between wine and your husband vs. not drinking (Freckles, I thought your last line made sense ) But, hopefully this would just be very temporary. Like I said, wish I had better words of wisdom. This isn't easy, but thankfully we are not alone.

              Finally...CONGRATS ON 3 DAYS OF NOT DRINKING! Just remember how good you felt!

              xoxo

              Comment

                #8
                Wine in fridge

                Many thanks for all your interest.
                It's good to get other points of view.
                I accept that to stop drinking is a really personal thing.
                I know in my heart that Hubbie is happy with life the way it is and doesnt really want to change anything.
                He actually drinks far more than me 10+ drinks a day but it does not seem to affect him the way it does me.

                I'm the one waking up at 2-3 in the morning with no memory of coming to bed - anxious
                is the house locked up properly,
                did I bring my purse / sunglasses home etc.etc.
                the other night after the session I mentioned in my previous post I was so disgusted with myself I really wanted to get on line and post here - but was so far gone I couldnt remember my password.

                I fully understand Freckles comment - not wanting to choose between marraige & alchohol
                Its a really scary thought that creeps into my mind now and again (only when my guards down)
                Anyway - AF yesterday - just woke feeling so good.
                Lets see what the day brings....

                Comment

                  #9
                  Wine in fridge

                  Hi Changling,
                  I totally understand your problem with hubby.
                  I've been married to a drinking man for 41 years. I didnt drink before we were married. Started in my early twentys and then more or less quite until my 50s.
                  We live on a farm and his hobby is .....yep..making wine! We have about 80 gallons sitting directly below me as I type.
                  I have been here, MWO since about March and it is working...........in that I have been able t learn so much from sharing here and reading. I'm not where I want to be but thank God, I'm not where I was!
                  Can you live with a man who drinks everyday? Yep...I do....It takes all I can pull together to do it and have af days.
                  Come down to the Monthly abs board and get some support. We try for 30 days to begin with. It help to clear it out of your system.

                  Nancy:l
                  "Be still and know that I am God"

                  Psalm 46:10

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Wine in fridge

                    I've got one of those too!!

                    He can't see a problem at all. He tucks into a box of wine very night. I cant resist when its there.

                    I dont think he wants me to stop as he'll lose his drinking buddy.

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