Lots of it is personal reflections, and the rest is interesting stuff I have copied on my journey.
URGES
Urge surfing is an important and very helpful way to deal with
cravings. Every urge, impulse, or craving has a natural progression.
It starts at zero, and then suddenly we become aware that the wish,
desire, craving, or impulse has arisen in our minds. It can continue
to get stronger, once it has arisen. And, eventually, it will fade
away (so long as we do not give in to it). This is ALWAYS true for any
and every craving or impulse.
Sometimes we have the (very false) impression that cravings are SO
strong and powerful, that they will never go away and we MUST give in
to them. One way to deal with that is to make a conscious effort to
step back (mentally) and observe the craving, as if from a slight
distance. Ask yourself: what am I thinking, what are the words running
through my mind? Where am I feeling this craving in my body? Observe
how the sensations and thoughts become uncomfortable; observe what the
messages are that you might be telling yourself; and observe how you
will soon become distracted, and find that you are thinking about
something else... because the craving has faded away.
Once you have done that several times, you will have a different
perspective on cravings, and you will be much better able to resist
them. And you can always use this method, any time you find yourself
struggling, or getting into a mental argument about whether or not you
should or could have a drink.
Probably my simplest technique, and one of the most effective: when I
realize that I have some thoughts or urges about drinking, I just
quietly say to myself: I don't drink.
RANDOM QUOTES
-I see myself waking up the next morning fully of pep instead of
hungover
-I see myself growing internally instead of staying stuck in old
patterns.
- What I found was that I was becoming stupid with drinking. I wasn't
reading, keeping up on what's going on in the world, forgetting
things, not taking care of things. I was missing out on things I LOVED
TO DO. Now that I'm not drinking, I have time and space for these
things.
- Above all read and learn, you will find in no time at all that your
mind will have come ALIVE and you will thrive on that feeling. Once
the "grey mist" lifts, the sky is the limit.
• Why dont you try focusing on the positives of sobriety? Like all
the things you will be able to do when you are not drinking? The
reduction of depression symptoms, the stabilization of any mood
swings. Try not to focus on what you can't have but what you are
getting.
• Like you I wanted to be able to moderate, I didn't want to think
that I could never have a drink again on special occasions, but I had
to be honest with myself, deep down I knew that I wasn't able to
moderate my drinking and once I accepted this I felt a great sense of
release and freedom. Each day without alcohol is a real gift, no
hangovers, no feelings of remorse and guilt....
•So, don't let fear of the drudgery keep you from trying - I think
you will be pleasantly surprised that after a few days, you find that
you enjoy the conversations more....that you are not as bored as you
thought you would be.
THINGS TO DO WHEN SOBER
1. Read a book
2. Take a walk
3. Play a musical instrument
4. Knit
5. Clean your closets
6. Research your genealogy
7. Cook a gourmet dinner
8. Write an article for your local newspaper
9. Go take some pictures
10. Clean the mildew in your bathroom
11. Start writing that book you've been planning
12. Plan a garden
13. Plant a garden
14. Play with a pet
15. Read to a child
16. Visit someone in an old folks' home
17. Watch a news special on TV
18. Set up a family budget
19. Make a web site
20. Take up archery
21. Exercise
22. Go to an online recovery meeting
23. Surf the internet
24. Call your mom
25. Learn a foreign language
26. Write a poem
27. Play golf
28. Take a bubble bath
29. Draw
30. Teach a parakeet to whistle
31. Take a nap
32. Listen to music
33. Paint
34. Clean your desk
35. Start a stamp collection
36. Go window shopping
37. Browse in a book store
38. Go to an art gallery
39. Go for a drive
40. Paint a room
41. Watch the clouds go by
42. Play darts
43. Do target shooting
44. Do home repairs
45. Clean your garage
46. Sort your photographs
47. Make a scrapbook
48. Climb a tree
49. Plant a tree
50. Make marmalade
51. Make a list of things to do
52. Write a letter to the editor
53. Volunteer somewhere
54. Take a hike
55. Take a college class
56. Try yoga
57. Meditate
58. Get a massage
59. Make fruit smoothies
60. Bake cookies
61. Do a crossword puzzle
62. Go to the gym
63. Plant a color bowl
64. Sharpen your pruning tools
65. Change your engine oil
66. Sew
67. Groom your dog
68. Go see a play
69. Write a sonnet
70. Sort your recipes
71. Play solitaire
72. Go bird watching
73. Write a letter to a friend
74. Read a poetry book
75. Repot your houseplants
76. Go to a movie
77. Mow your lawn
78. Put up (or take down) your Christmas lights
79. Make pickles
80. Go jogging
81. Watch sitcoms
82. Plan menus for a diet
83. Do a jigsaw puzzle
84. Play chess
85. Write a country-western song
86. Watch a video
87. Go for a bike ride
88. Plant an herb garden
89. Start an online journal
90. Dye your hair
91. Go to a restaurant
92. Lift weights
93. Bake some bread
94. Learn a martial art
95. Polish the furniture
96. Make a flower arrangement
97. Read the newspaper
98. Start some seeds
99. Sort your magazines
100. Do some laundry.
111. Take a nature walk
112. Play with your kids
113. Volunteer at a homeless shelter
114. Volunteer at a school
115. Pick up garbage in a park
116. Tickle your kids
117. Play basketball
118. Volunteer at an animal shelter
119. Read to a child or pet
120. Sign up for obedience training with your dog
121. Take a walk and pick up litter you see on the way
122. Spend time at the library
123. Sort all your digital photos and make an album to print for
holiday gifts to family.
124. Help your kid organize his closet.
125. Figure out the melody and chords to your current favorite tune on
the piano.
126. Practice your holiday cookie recipes
127. Make crackers from scratch (that one didn't go so well).
128. Make tortillas from scratch (better).
129. Reread a book you haven't read for years.
130. Tango
131. Learn about someone else’s religion.
132. Reread one of your college textbooks.
133. Key out a wildflower.
134. Do your nails.
135. Do word puzzles.
136. Play a board game.
137. Burn CD’s of some of your favorite music for a friend.
138. Plant a bonsai.
139. Play Mad Libs.
140. Speak only in heroic couplets for an hour.
141. Read poetry online.
142. Ride a stationary bicycle.
143. Set up a domino topple.
144. Play backgammon.
145. Build a house of cards
146. Make an entry in Wikipedia.
147. Read a world almanac.
148. Publish a family newsletter.
149. Throw cards at a hat.
150. Go to bed
I can't count how many times I have made the suggestion to new folks
here to "get a plan" for their recovery from alcohol abuse. The old
phrase: "failing to plan is planning to fail" is very true in so many
situations... and especially so in the case of those of us who are
beginning (and continuing) the path of freedom from the devastation of
alcohol abuse.
SO: What is a plan, and how do I get one?
The MWO book, and what we call the MWO program, discuss and recommend
a number of elements that have proven very helpful to many, many
people who have used them. They include (and I have added a few, based
on my own experience and that of many MWO members):
Exercise (doesn't have to be a whole lot; some brisk walking, 3 or 4
days a week, is helpful)
Hypnotherapy (you can buy the recordings on the MWO site in the "store")
Meditation (many of us practice meditation)
Dietary supplements (see the MWO book, the "store" here onsite, and
the threads here on "Holistic Healing")
A healthy diet, and regular meals
Medication (preferably with help, advice, and a prescription from your
physician)
Spending a significant amount of time here at MWO, reading the posts
of others, getting to know people, asking questions, and talking about
your progress and your struggles
Going to AA meetings
Changing our environment: Getting alcohol out of the house; not going
to bars; not hanging around with "drinking buddies"
Most people do not use ALL elements in this list; but those who are
successful tend to use a LOT of them. And we tend to adjust and tweak
the elements, as we see what works for us (and for others).
Equally important is something we call the "mental game." This is
short-hand for the process of changing our thinking and attitudes
toward: alcohol, drinking, our emotions, and our behavior. We must
learn a whole new approach to problems in life (we don't try to drink
them away, any more), and we don't see alcohol as a "reward" for
having accomplished something. We learn to tolerate distress,
including the urges and impulses and cravings for drink, and we allow
them to naturally pass away, without giving in to them. We learn not
to engage in battles within our minds about drinking; we step away
from that whole process, and choose to think about, and do, something
else.
Perhaps most important: we recognize that the work of recovery truly
is "work," and it takes time, effort, and sometimes it costs money.
Sometimes it is costly in other ways, as well; friendships and other
close relationships will be changed, when we change. And that can be
painful. Making this kind of change will have an impact on all areas
of our lives; that is a very, very good thing; it can also be
accompanied by some pain. Again... we must learn to tolerate the
discomforts involved in life changes. There will be some emotional
upheaval along the way. We might want to seek counseling or
psychotherapy; we certainly will benefit from coming here and talking
about it.
Making a plan, and following it, is an act of mature recognition of
the fact that, for nearly all of us, just wishing and hoping that we
will stop drinking (or begin drinking "normally") "on our own" is not
going to work. Remember: nobody ever "wished and hoped" their way
through any important project. But with persistence, and support from
others, following a plan can take us to the places in our lives where
we really want to go.
Merlot, my favorite wine-y friend (ha ha)....
SO WHAT comes into play when:
- You say it's one bottle, but gradually it goes from 750 ml to
1liter, to (2) 750 ml...
- When you drink your bottle, you drive under the influence
- When you drink, you don't remember what happened the next morning.
- When you drink, you get mean.
- When you drink, you get cry-baby emotional and over-react to every
emotion (this one is me )
- When you drink, you want sex, but cannot get it to happen.
- When you drink, your teeth turn purple (me again!)...
- When drinking is more important than the person you love.
- When drinking a bottle is more important than the person that loves
you.
IF it's a problem in your relationship, and you are trying to justify
its existence, then you should look closely at it.... what if your
girlfriend hated seafood and could not stand the smell, but you loved
it? Would you still eat it? I'm not trying to trivialize your
question, and I'm not picking on you.
But, if your girlfriend doesn't like your drinking, she has a choice
too~ she can try to make you stop, but when that doesn't work, she'll
either give up, accept it, or leave you.
1. Don’t underestimate your disease. Every single person does at
first.
2. Take care of yourself spiritually. Be mindful of your connection to
your higher power today.
3. Ignore the dismal relapse rates. You are creating your own success.
4. Make a zero tolerance policy with yourself concerning relapse.
Don’t even allow your mind to go there.
5. Avoid fundamentalism, even in recovery. Rigid thinking and dogma
can undermine your sobriety.
6. You are creating a life of recovery and you are responsible for ALL
OF IT. Yes, others can help you. Their “help” is mere advice. It is
up to you to recover.
7. Don’t confuse enthusiasm for action. Figure out what you need to
do to stay sober and then do it.
8. Listen to what the relapsing addicts keep preaching. Then do the
opposite.
9. Take care of your social network. Reach out to others in a
meaningful way.
10. Figure out a way to help other addicts or alcoholics.
11. If you attend 12 step meetings, find one to start chairing.
Consider H&I meetings (taking meetings into jails and treatment
centers).
12. Use mindfulness and a heightened awareness to overcome ego. Use
meditation to overcome self.
13. Practice forgiveness. Forgive all your past transgressors. Forgive
yourself. You must do this to get long term relief from resentment.
14. Be aware of diminishing returns, and spread out your recovery
efforts (i.e., don’t focus on just “spiritual” growth).
URGES
Urge surfing is an important and very helpful way to deal with
cravings. Every urge, impulse, or craving has a natural progression.
It starts at zero, and then suddenly we become aware that the wish,
desire, craving, or impulse has arisen in our minds. It can continue
to get stronger, once it has arisen. And, eventually, it will fade
away (so long as we do not give in to it). This is ALWAYS true for any
and every craving or impulse.
Sometimes we have the (very false) impression that cravings are SO
strong and powerful, that they will never go away and we MUST give in
to them. One way to deal with that is to make a conscious effort to
step back (mentally) and observe the craving, as if from a slight
distance. Ask yourself: what am I thinking, what are the words running
through my mind? Where am I feeling this craving in my body? Observe
how the sensations and thoughts become uncomfortable; observe what the
messages are that you might be telling yourself; and observe how you
will soon become distracted, and find that you are thinking about
something else... because the craving has faded away.
Once you have done that several times, you will have a different
perspective on cravings, and you will be much better able to resist
them. And you can always use this method, any time you find yourself
struggling, or getting into a mental argument about whether or not you
should or could have a drink.
Probably my simplest technique, and one of the most effective: when I
realize that I have some thoughts or urges about drinking, I just
quietly say to myself: I don't drink.
RANDOM QUOTES
-I see myself waking up the next morning fully of pep instead of
hungover
-I see myself growing internally instead of staying stuck in old
patterns.
- What I found was that I was becoming stupid with drinking. I wasn't
reading, keeping up on what's going on in the world, forgetting
things, not taking care of things. I was missing out on things I LOVED
TO DO. Now that I'm not drinking, I have time and space for these
things.
- Above all read and learn, you will find in no time at all that your
mind will have come ALIVE and you will thrive on that feeling. Once
the "grey mist" lifts, the sky is the limit.
• Why dont you try focusing on the positives of sobriety? Like all
the things you will be able to do when you are not drinking? The
reduction of depression symptoms, the stabilization of any mood
swings. Try not to focus on what you can't have but what you are
getting.
• Like you I wanted to be able to moderate, I didn't want to think
that I could never have a drink again on special occasions, but I had
to be honest with myself, deep down I knew that I wasn't able to
moderate my drinking and once I accepted this I felt a great sense of
release and freedom. Each day without alcohol is a real gift, no
hangovers, no feelings of remorse and guilt....
•So, don't let fear of the drudgery keep you from trying - I think
you will be pleasantly surprised that after a few days, you find that
you enjoy the conversations more....that you are not as bored as you
thought you would be.
THINGS TO DO WHEN SOBER
1. Read a book
2. Take a walk
3. Play a musical instrument
4. Knit
5. Clean your closets
6. Research your genealogy
7. Cook a gourmet dinner
8. Write an article for your local newspaper
9. Go take some pictures
10. Clean the mildew in your bathroom
11. Start writing that book you've been planning
12. Plan a garden
13. Plant a garden
14. Play with a pet
15. Read to a child
16. Visit someone in an old folks' home
17. Watch a news special on TV
18. Set up a family budget
19. Make a web site
20. Take up archery
21. Exercise
22. Go to an online recovery meeting
23. Surf the internet
24. Call your mom
25. Learn a foreign language
26. Write a poem
27. Play golf
28. Take a bubble bath
29. Draw
30. Teach a parakeet to whistle
31. Take a nap
32. Listen to music
33. Paint
34. Clean your desk
35. Start a stamp collection
36. Go window shopping
37. Browse in a book store
38. Go to an art gallery
39. Go for a drive
40. Paint a room
41. Watch the clouds go by
42. Play darts
43. Do target shooting
44. Do home repairs
45. Clean your garage
46. Sort your photographs
47. Make a scrapbook
48. Climb a tree
49. Plant a tree
50. Make marmalade
51. Make a list of things to do
52. Write a letter to the editor
53. Volunteer somewhere
54. Take a hike
55. Take a college class
56. Try yoga
57. Meditate
58. Get a massage
59. Make fruit smoothies
60. Bake cookies
61. Do a crossword puzzle
62. Go to the gym
63. Plant a color bowl
64. Sharpen your pruning tools
65. Change your engine oil
66. Sew
67. Groom your dog
68. Go see a play
69. Write a sonnet
70. Sort your recipes
71. Play solitaire
72. Go bird watching
73. Write a letter to a friend
74. Read a poetry book
75. Repot your houseplants
76. Go to a movie
77. Mow your lawn
78. Put up (or take down) your Christmas lights
79. Make pickles
80. Go jogging
81. Watch sitcoms
82. Plan menus for a diet
83. Do a jigsaw puzzle
84. Play chess
85. Write a country-western song
86. Watch a video
87. Go for a bike ride
88. Plant an herb garden
89. Start an online journal
90. Dye your hair
91. Go to a restaurant
92. Lift weights
93. Bake some bread
94. Learn a martial art
95. Polish the furniture
96. Make a flower arrangement
97. Read the newspaper
98. Start some seeds
99. Sort your magazines
100. Do some laundry.
111. Take a nature walk
112. Play with your kids
113. Volunteer at a homeless shelter
114. Volunteer at a school
115. Pick up garbage in a park
116. Tickle your kids
117. Play basketball
118. Volunteer at an animal shelter
119. Read to a child or pet
120. Sign up for obedience training with your dog
121. Take a walk and pick up litter you see on the way
122. Spend time at the library
123. Sort all your digital photos and make an album to print for
holiday gifts to family.
124. Help your kid organize his closet.
125. Figure out the melody and chords to your current favorite tune on
the piano.
126. Practice your holiday cookie recipes
127. Make crackers from scratch (that one didn't go so well).
128. Make tortillas from scratch (better).
129. Reread a book you haven't read for years.
130. Tango
131. Learn about someone else’s religion.
132. Reread one of your college textbooks.
133. Key out a wildflower.
134. Do your nails.
135. Do word puzzles.
136. Play a board game.
137. Burn CD’s of some of your favorite music for a friend.
138. Plant a bonsai.
139. Play Mad Libs.
140. Speak only in heroic couplets for an hour.
141. Read poetry online.
142. Ride a stationary bicycle.
143. Set up a domino topple.
144. Play backgammon.
145. Build a house of cards
146. Make an entry in Wikipedia.
147. Read a world almanac.
148. Publish a family newsletter.
149. Throw cards at a hat.
150. Go to bed
I can't count how many times I have made the suggestion to new folks
here to "get a plan" for their recovery from alcohol abuse. The old
phrase: "failing to plan is planning to fail" is very true in so many
situations... and especially so in the case of those of us who are
beginning (and continuing) the path of freedom from the devastation of
alcohol abuse.
SO: What is a plan, and how do I get one?
The MWO book, and what we call the MWO program, discuss and recommend
a number of elements that have proven very helpful to many, many
people who have used them. They include (and I have added a few, based
on my own experience and that of many MWO members):
Exercise (doesn't have to be a whole lot; some brisk walking, 3 or 4
days a week, is helpful)
Hypnotherapy (you can buy the recordings on the MWO site in the "store")
Meditation (many of us practice meditation)
Dietary supplements (see the MWO book, the "store" here onsite, and
the threads here on "Holistic Healing")
A healthy diet, and regular meals
Medication (preferably with help, advice, and a prescription from your
physician)
Spending a significant amount of time here at MWO, reading the posts
of others, getting to know people, asking questions, and talking about
your progress and your struggles
Going to AA meetings
Changing our environment: Getting alcohol out of the house; not going
to bars; not hanging around with "drinking buddies"
Most people do not use ALL elements in this list; but those who are
successful tend to use a LOT of them. And we tend to adjust and tweak
the elements, as we see what works for us (and for others).
Equally important is something we call the "mental game." This is
short-hand for the process of changing our thinking and attitudes
toward: alcohol, drinking, our emotions, and our behavior. We must
learn a whole new approach to problems in life (we don't try to drink
them away, any more), and we don't see alcohol as a "reward" for
having accomplished something. We learn to tolerate distress,
including the urges and impulses and cravings for drink, and we allow
them to naturally pass away, without giving in to them. We learn not
to engage in battles within our minds about drinking; we step away
from that whole process, and choose to think about, and do, something
else.
Perhaps most important: we recognize that the work of recovery truly
is "work," and it takes time, effort, and sometimes it costs money.
Sometimes it is costly in other ways, as well; friendships and other
close relationships will be changed, when we change. And that can be
painful. Making this kind of change will have an impact on all areas
of our lives; that is a very, very good thing; it can also be
accompanied by some pain. Again... we must learn to tolerate the
discomforts involved in life changes. There will be some emotional
upheaval along the way. We might want to seek counseling or
psychotherapy; we certainly will benefit from coming here and talking
about it.
Making a plan, and following it, is an act of mature recognition of
the fact that, for nearly all of us, just wishing and hoping that we
will stop drinking (or begin drinking "normally") "on our own" is not
going to work. Remember: nobody ever "wished and hoped" their way
through any important project. But with persistence, and support from
others, following a plan can take us to the places in our lives where
we really want to go.
Merlot, my favorite wine-y friend (ha ha)....
SO WHAT comes into play when:
- You say it's one bottle, but gradually it goes from 750 ml to
1liter, to (2) 750 ml...
- When you drink your bottle, you drive under the influence
- When you drink, you don't remember what happened the next morning.
- When you drink, you get mean.
- When you drink, you get cry-baby emotional and over-react to every
emotion (this one is me )
- When you drink, you want sex, but cannot get it to happen.
- When you drink, your teeth turn purple (me again!)...
- When drinking is more important than the person you love.
- When drinking a bottle is more important than the person that loves
you.
IF it's a problem in your relationship, and you are trying to justify
its existence, then you should look closely at it.... what if your
girlfriend hated seafood and could not stand the smell, but you loved
it? Would you still eat it? I'm not trying to trivialize your
question, and I'm not picking on you.
But, if your girlfriend doesn't like your drinking, she has a choice
too~ she can try to make you stop, but when that doesn't work, she'll
either give up, accept it, or leave you.
1. Don’t underestimate your disease. Every single person does at
first.
2. Take care of yourself spiritually. Be mindful of your connection to
your higher power today.
3. Ignore the dismal relapse rates. You are creating your own success.
4. Make a zero tolerance policy with yourself concerning relapse.
Don’t even allow your mind to go there.
5. Avoid fundamentalism, even in recovery. Rigid thinking and dogma
can undermine your sobriety.
6. You are creating a life of recovery and you are responsible for ALL
OF IT. Yes, others can help you. Their “help” is mere advice. It is
up to you to recover.
7. Don’t confuse enthusiasm for action. Figure out what you need to
do to stay sober and then do it.
8. Listen to what the relapsing addicts keep preaching. Then do the
opposite.
9. Take care of your social network. Reach out to others in a
meaningful way.
10. Figure out a way to help other addicts or alcoholics.
11. If you attend 12 step meetings, find one to start chairing.
Consider H&I meetings (taking meetings into jails and treatment
centers).
12. Use mindfulness and a heightened awareness to overcome ego. Use
meditation to overcome self.
13. Practice forgiveness. Forgive all your past transgressors. Forgive
yourself. You must do this to get long term relief from resentment.
14. Be aware of diminishing returns, and spread out your recovery
efforts (i.e., don’t focus on just “spiritual” growth).
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