Bad anxiety

[KatieB]

Hi all,
I have been feeling quite optimistic with my AF-ness.. Day 14 today, which is a great achievement for me..
However, the court case with my ex-husband is coming up.. less than 3 weeks away - I just got given my subpoena by the police today to appear in court to give evidence (he assaulted me last June.. I had to have a metal plate put in my eye socket after he punched me several times to the face and head).. I am so nervous and anxious.. I am physically shaking already! Last time (its been adjoured once), I was so anxious I was vomiting bile! Can anyone help me with some words of wisdom or support to help me get through this? I really don't want to turn to AL, as that will make things worse I know.. but his whole family are going to be there - his mum, aunty, nan, sisters, a couple of friends.. last time they were all there too - I dont know if I can bear this! thank you xx

[the bellinator]

Bad anxiety

Katie,

Slow down and breathe.......this will turn out ok. I wish I could tell you something that would make the butterflies go away. Exercise. Meditate. Dwell on positivity.

Keep us posted. We are rooting for you.

Love and strength
:l

[Anotherday]

Bad anxiety

Oh, Katie, how hard. I stopped to think what I would do if I were you. What I do in situations I really dread. I would handle it by doing my best not to think about it. I'd keep busy and stay on here. Maybe journaling could help. I wish I had more thoughts, but I just try to put things out of my mind that I am not looking forward to and tell myself I'll worry about it when the day comes. I do hope this helps a bit. :l

AD

[mama bear]

Bad anxiety

katie...
do you have any friends or family for support???
i would latch on to how much he hurt me, how mad he mad me, how he ruined my life and I woould march in there with my head held high and DARE anyone to challenge or frighten me........

[Funny Girl]

Bad anxiety

Do you have anyone going with you to support you? That would certainly help. If that's not possible, definitely meditation if you can settle enough to do it - breathing excercises would help. Visualization can help too - I do things like picture a forcefield around me (yes, don't laugh) to protect me from these types of things. Then they bounce off, I visualize it as if I'm having an out of body & see myself sitting there, with my forcefield in place & things that bother me bouncing away. When nothing works, I simply pretend I'm someone else . . . .at least that usually manages to make me laugh a little since it seems a little insane.

[Lavande]

Bad anxiety

Katie,

Do you have a lawyer going to court with you? You definitely should have one to assure your rights are protected!
If expense is an issue look up a Legal Aid service in Sydney - something like this:
Domestic Violence Court Assistance Service

Go see your Doc & ask for help with this.......a little something to calm your nerves. Remember, drinking is not an option for you at this point! You have made wonderful progress, don't take any steps backwards now.

We are all here with you. PM me if I can help.

Take care of yourself!
Lav

[Meech]

Bad anxiety

Katie B

I just have to agree totally with everything Mama Bear, Funny Girl and everyone said.

You deserve better and you are going to get justice. I think his family should be the one's feeling terrible for what their family member did to you.

Forcefield is a great visualization and maybe more "real" then you think. It's an emotional forcefield and they can't get to you AND being Mad as hell (no fear) will help to keep your head high.

Don't let AL get the best of you. Rise above it - you are a winner and don't give Alcohol, your ex or his family anymore of your energy. You deserve so much more.

My prayers and wishes go out to you during this difficult time.

:l

[KatieB]

Bad anxiety

Thanks for your great responses..
Bell - i will try and focus on being positive
AD - i will try to not think about it too much.. I had done well until the police came around to give me the SP - then my nerves came flooding back!
MB - another great plan.. i will remember what he put me through last year.. the pain he put me through mentally and physically.. his family are the hard part.. all these people that are sticking by him despite what he did to me! it hurts so much.. especially as they are all women. I'm from the UK so dont have any family to go with me..
FG - also a great plan.. i have tried to do that before.. i will try again and put on an 'invisible' cloak of armour.. or imagine its someone else, not me.. i just get so anxious about things.. in the past I have been addicted to valium, and AL obviously.. but I do not want to turn to substances, i have come too far for that.. i will try meditation and relaxation..
Lav - I dont have a lawyer as I have the police prosecutor on "my side" acting like a lawyer.. thanks for your words of support and the link, i will check that out
Meech - I will try the emotional forcefield idea.. and I dont want to give in to Al as that will be a huge step backwards from what i have been doing.. i hope i do get justice as he has shown no remorse and has actually blamed me a few times.. but i cant worry about that side too much in case he "wins" as his rich grandma is paying for his lawyers.. i just have to worry about getting through the day with all his family watching on rather than wanting him to be found guilty - as if he gets off on a technicality or something, i will just get depressed and want to drink..

thanks again, you're all wonderful!
Katie xx

[KatieB]

Bad anxiety

Thanks Meech and Lav,
Lav - I dont have a lawyer as I have the police prosecutor on "my side" acting like a lawyer..
Meech - I will try the emotional forcefield idea.. and I dont want to give in to Al as that will be a huge step backwards from what i have been doing.. i hope i do get justice as he has shown no remorse and has actually blamed me a few times.. but i cant worry about that side too much in case he "wins" as his rich grandma is paying for his lawyers.. i just have to worry about getting through the day with all his family watching on rather than wanting him to be found guilty - as if he gets off on a technicality or something, i will just get depressed and want to drink..
thanks again xx

[Guest]

Bad anxiety

Hi KB,

I haven't got any new words of wisdom. Whilst we can't physically be there, we are with you in spirit.

He is only taking his entourage to court because he is too afraid to face you alone.

I, too, would have a chat with your doctor about the anxiety and see what he says.

Keep posting and stay AF.

Spam xxxx

[Funny Girl]

Bad anxiety

Maybe a can of spam in your pocket can deflect all evil - there's nothing that processed meats can't help with! . . . . ;-)

[antediluvian]

Bad anxiety

Hi. I'm new on here, but I can relate to your story. I went through some ugly domestic situations too, and there's really no easy way get through it. It just hurts like hell. Sure, it helps to talk to others, etc. But when you are beaten by someone that close to you (in my case, I was stabbed by my wife), there's no real way to hide from the horror of it all, or act like everything is okay when it isn't. In my case, I was living in a country that had almost no cultural or legal stance against domestic violence, so there was no legal side to it. She was a citizen, and a lawyer, and I was from another country. There were no consequences, which made her more aggressive, even as I was recovering from the initial wound, and made me feel more and more vulnerable, until I was finally able to leave the situation. The isolation was hellish at times.

I was sober at one time for 8 years and 8 months. After I went through the domestic violence, which included 3 days in a hospital and reconstructive surgery in a foreign country where I had no family or friends, I just started drinking again, hard core. I've been going pretty steady for three years, but now I'm ready to quit again.

I know the hardest part of sobriety will be dealing with the trauma and memory associated with the domestic violence. The worst part is the trust - being able to trust others and my own judgment - and not being able to fathom how somebody I loved, and who claimed to love me, could do such a horrible, violent thing, showing no remorse. When I don't drink I have nightmares, and I think I'm battling with PTSD on some level.

Anyway, I am hoping that enough time has passed for me to stop drinking and deal with all the emotional pain. Time seems to be the only thing that helps, and even though you are going through hell right now, realize that a few years down the road it will be better, and less difficult to deal with.

For me, I finally realized that I wanted to live, and live AF, much more than I want to suffer or die. Life still can be beautiful and is full of possibilities.

Good luck to you.

[KatieB]

Bad anxiety

Funny Girl;819602 wrote: Maybe a can of spam in your pocket can deflect all evil - there's nothing that processed meats can't help with! . . . . ;-)

Lol!! I will take a can of spam in my pocket..
Spam - thank you.. I guess he is a bit of a coward.. especially as he's also pleading not guilty and putting me through all this cr*p when he knows what he did.. I may see my GP about the anxiety.. but as I said before I have ended up addicted to benzo's in the past, and dont want that to happen again!
And thank you antediluvian - its reasurring to know that someone else has gone through something similar; which i know lots of people do suffer from DV.. but to hear your story offered me some reassurance, so thank you for sharing.. i also get PTSD from that incident, ive had a few nightmares.. my ex is always this evil person in my dreams.. though he is now being "nice" to me (prob as he wants me to be nice in the stand), i still cannot forget what he did to me - and even afterwards, i was in hospital for 4 days - he never said sorry, he was just worried about his charges, not me at all - i had to have a brain scan, i could have had bleeding on the brain and ended up comatose - did he care? no.. i could not open my R eye for 5 days, and had to walk around with 2 black eyes for weeks after, getting all kinds of strange stares off people.. one of hardest things though was my son seeing me, even though he was only 13 months old at the time, i broke down and cried when he saw my face.. as i knew inside he was looking at the battered face of his mother after his father beat her up..
thanks again everyone for you kind words and support..
Katie xx

[Funny Girl]

Bad anxiety

Katie we're rooting for you - maybe picture this whole crew behind you while you fire up your forcefield & touch that can of spam in your pocket during the proceedings . . .hopefully it will give you strength. Keep checking in with us in the meantime. You're lucky you're still walking the earth after what happened . . . .he could have killed you. . . .

[Cinders]

Bad anxiety

KatieB,

I agree about something to settle the nerves for just this. My doctor will give me 3 day's worth of Xanax if I am in a state. No more. Period. Three day's worth won't get you hooked.

However, that said, if you are prone to drink because of taking a benzo, don't do it.

What I want to say beyond the immediate "fix" of the nerves is this:

Does that anxiety come from a deep rooted feeling that you may have been in some small way, some teeny-tiny way responsible for his action? Do you think they are going to turn things around on you and make you feel guilty about this?

That is one thing I think most alcoholics have in common. That lack of self-respect and self-preservation.

The "we deserve this" syndrome.

I know my mind goes that way.

It isn't true. No one has the right to do anything like that to another person. Period.

Just throwing this out there.

You can and will get through it. You have no choice, really. He must be punished or he will very likely do this to someone else. That would be unconscionable.

Stick to your guns, tell the truth and let the courts decide what the law is. That is all you can do.

Good luck and hugs,
Cindi