Bad anxiety

[mollyka]

Bad anxiety

KatieB and Antideluvian, as I read this thread all I could think about was how much you have both gone through and Katie in your case still have ahead of you. I think you are so brave you put me and my silly little worries and problems to shame! When I started reading I did think some med support for the length of the court case would be good but you know yourself what is or is not a good idea in your case. Stay being strong and it will end
Good luck
Molly

[Gold]

Bad anxiety

Hi KatieB,

I have found that expecting people to behave in accordance with your own standards, in other words to do as you would be done by, to be a waste of energy and a great disappointment. Sometimes people are so wrapped up in the drama of their own lives, the denial of their feelings, fears and so on that they are unable to empathise with other people.

These relatives and friends of your former husband sound to be tribal in their nature and they are never going to even begin to imagine what you have been through. They cannot, for if they did it would raise many other things that have happened and perhaps call into question how they live their lives, it is just too big a risk for them to think about this in any fair way at all.

It sounds as though you have grown and they have not.

If you can, try to see how unhappy their lives must be, forever in denial and on guard to prevent the shaky foundations of their lives collapsing around them. You on the other hand have a greater awareness and are taking important steps to improve your life and your son's life. No wonder they feel uncomfortable, you represent to them a threat to their view of the world.

You are going through the proper channels and standing up for yourself, which means that you value yourself and do not accept the beating or the subsequent treatment of you. Do not allow them to affect your view of yourself, they have no real power, if they did they would not need to close ranks in the way that they have done.

Hold your head up high, protect yourself with an energy field as has been suggested, it really does work, a bubble of white or gold light and a cloak in a colour that appeals to you. You might also place them in something like a tube with mirrors on the inside so that their unpleasant thoughts are bounced straight back to them.

You can do this without alcohol and show yourself and your son that ignorance and violence have no power over you.

[Guitarista]

Bad anxiety

Hi Katie,

As well as Spam and our positive vibes, take some folk's in there with you. There will be a women's volunteer court advocacy thing set up, i'm sure. Stand tall and proud. That bloke must accept responsibility for his action's. Violence against women is not on!

Here's a couple of number's which i hope you haven't been too proud to ring! You need support, so ask for it.

W.I.R.E. (Womens info) 1300 134 130. Home page of WIRE
Women's legal service- (03) 9642 0877. 1800 133 302. www.womenslegal.org.au (specialise in domestic violence, and should be free, with volunteer advocates? Melbourne number, but in Sydney too)
N.S.W. Domestic violence line (24 hr phone support and referal)- 1800 656 463.
Domestic violence advocacy service. N.S.W. - 1800 810 784.

[gyco]

Bad anxiety

hi

KatieB;819550 wrote: Hi all,
I).. I am so nervous and anxious.. I am physically shaking already! Last time (its been adjoured once), I was so anxious I was vomiting bile! Can anyone help me with some words of wisdom or support to help me get through this? I really don't want to turn to AL, as that will make things worse I know.. but his whole family are going to be there - his mum, aunty, nan, sisters, a couple of friends.. last time they were all there too - I dont know if I can bear this! thank you xx

hi katie,i could say so much,any man that hits a lady is a coward,i noticed you said his hole family,you regret to say his father,did he beat the mom ,a close friend of mine,went thro this with his lady friend,the man im talking about was 220 lbs,he was the new boyfriend of the lady,the x plummeted the lady,knowing the gentleman as well as i do,thank goodness he didnt walk in,dont want to say what mt of happened,i no the police handdled in there own way,i hope u have pics of what happened and they find him guilty and put his srry a s s where it belongs,then he will have some new friends, i wish you well and congrats on your Al free days,hang onto it dont let it go gyco

[Funny Girl]

Bad anxiety

Guitarista is right - call the resources provided there in that post - that will help more than anything any of us can say here. You will need a physical body or two with you to support you there. Good luck.

[mama bear]

Bad anxiety

too cute FG!!!!
or a boy doll with pins stuck in his head and crotch area!!!!

[ChickenNumber3]

Bad anxiety

Dear Katie!
You have given me alot,so I hope I can do so also!

I have not been in your situation. My thing is on the whole emotional/mental/psychological level...so I don't even pretend to know what you have endured and are continuing to endure.

I have taken a few positive steps, only because you have encouraged it and so I am eternally grateful, because "knowledge is power" and that is, for now, where I am right now!

I have found however a book, a very good book about MOtherhood and Buddhism! I know this may sound odd, cause I am not a religious person,but I am spiritual. I have never followed a particular path,but this 'mindfullness' approach seems to be helping me.

It helps me to just get through the day to day things; and also the big things,because in the end that is what life is...."joy;suffering;change..."

I am here intermittently and so I know I am not of much help, but I am thinking of you now and beleiving in you..."big things are little things".....so mote it be.
(Lavande can tell you more about the 'mindfulness' stuff.)

Chook:h

[KatieB]

Bad anxiety

Gold;819704 wrote: Hi KatieB,

These relatives and friends of your former husband sound to be tribal in their nature and they are never going to even begin to imagine what you have been through. They cannot, for if they did it would raise many other things that have happened and perhaps call into question how they live their lives, it is just too big a risk for them to think about this in any fair way at all.

It sounds as though you have grown and they have not.

If you can, try to see how unhappy their lives must be, forever in denial and on guard to prevent the shaky foundations of their lives collapsing around them. You on the other hand have a greater awareness and are taking important steps to improve your life and your son's life. No wonder they feel uncomfortable, you represent to them a threat to their view of the world.

You are going through the proper channels and standing up for yourself, which means that you value yourself and do not accept the beating or the subsequent treatment of you. Do not allow them to affect your view of yourself, they have no real power, if they did they would not need to close ranks in the way that they have done.

Hold your head up high, protect yourself with an energy field as has been suggested, it really does work, a bubble of white or gold light and a cloak in a colour that appeals to you. You might also place them in something like a tube with mirrors on the inside so that their unpleasant thoughts are bounced straight back to them.

You can do this without alcohol and show yourself and your son that ignorance and violence have no power over you.

Thank you so much Gold! Your advice is just that, pure gold!
You are right.. his family are "tribal" in nature.. they all stick together no matter what.. his sisters apparently even said I "deserved it".. and another female friend who was there the night it happened, is testifying against me - though she didnt see what happened and apparently said to my ex she saw blood on his fists afterwards! she is an ex-girlfriend of his and old family friend.. they are all doing what they can to keep him out of jail.. even though he could have killed me.. but that's what they are like..
Like you said, i have to content myself with the knowledge that I am a better person and getting help and want to improve my life - unlike them.. they will have misery following them if they are thinking the way they do - what happens next time he does something criminal? what will they say then? what if they ever get assaulted by him or someone else?
At least I am making a stand, I will go in that witness box.. and even if he gets off by sleazy lawyers (he is trying to say I did it to myself due to my history of self-harm, though ive never punched myself before - its impossible to do those injuries to yourself.. i had 2 black eyes!).. then at least ive shown I will not stand by and not make a statement..

I went to my GP today and got a script for very low dose valium to get me through the next 2 weeks.. so I will NOT turn to AL...

Thanks again.. I will refer to all these posts over the next 2 weeks to give me strength..
Katie xxx

[KatieB]

Bad anxiety

Cinders;819669 wrote: KatieB,

I agree about something to settle the nerves for just this. My doctor will give me 3 day's worth of Xanax if I am in a state. No more. Period. Three day's worth won't get you hooked.

However, that said, if you are prone to drink because of taking a benzo, don't do it.

What I want to say beyond the immediate "fix" of the nerves is this:

Does that anxiety come from a deep rooted feeling that you may have been in some small way, some teeny-tiny way responsible for his action? Do you think they are going to turn things around on you and make you feel guilty about this?

That is one thing I think most alcoholics have in common. That lack of self-respect and self-preservation.

The "we deserve this" syndrome.

I know my mind goes that way.

It isn't true. No one has the right to do anything like that to another person. Period.

Just throwing this out there.

You can and will get through it. You have no choice, really. He must be punished or he will very likely do this to someone else. That would be unconscionable.

Stick to your guns, tell the truth and let the courts decide what the law is. That is all you can do.

Good luck and hugs,
Cindi

Thank you Cindy.. my ex HAS made out that I deserved it.. but my therapist has helped me there.. convinced me that no matter what, I did not deserve what happened to me.. I will get through this and leave it in the hands of justice.. I can only say what happened - the truth - thats all I can do.. whatever happens after.. at least I got my say and done everything I can..
Thanks again
Katie xx
p.s I got a script for low dose valium today from my GP to take when stressed to the max.. so I will try everything I can to not turn to AL - all your kind words and strength have made a big difference so I do feel I can do this!!

[KatieB]

Bad anxiety

Thank you also to Gyco, Guitarista, MB, FG, Mollyka, AD and Chook,
I will refer to all your kind words and support over the next 2 weeks to help me get through this.. I know I can do it! I managed last year, after everything happened - I had to move house, look after a baby and work on my own (my ex was no help at all, and kept verbally abusing me for months after the event) - I did all that on my own, and did not drink for 10 weeks after! I know I can do this again.. I have inner reserves of strength..
Thank you all again so much,
Katie xxx

[Anotherday]

Bad anxiety

KatieB;820071 wrote: Thank you also to Gyco, Guitarista, MB, FG, Mollyka, AD and Chook,
I will refer to all your kind words and support over the next 2 weeks to help me get through this.. I know I can do it! I managed last year, after everything happened - I had to move house, look after a baby and work on my own (my ex was no help at all, and kept verbally abusing me for months after the event) - I did all that on my own, and did not drink for 10 weeks after! I know I can do this again.. I have inner reserves of strength..
Thank you all again so much,
Katie xxx

Dear Katie,

I do believe you have LOTS of reserves of inner strength. Good going on getting the low dose of valium. It beats the heck out of drinking. I wish Drs would give it out more freely, but I digress.

You've been through so much but through it all your strength comes through in this forum!

AD

[KatieB]

Bad anxiety

Anotherday;820110 wrote: Dear Katie,

I do believe you have LOTS of reserves of inner strength. Good going on getting the low dose of valium. It beats the heck out of drinking. I wish Drs would give it out more freely, but I digress.

You've been through so much but through it all your strength comes through in this forum!

AD

Thanks AD,

I am feeling much better today.. esp. now I have "back up" in the form of the low dose valium.. i've not had any yet, and will only turn to it if I am feeling overwhelmed with it all.. i've stayed away from AL too today.. I don't feel bad about last night as I did make sure I only bought low-AL wine.. it had 1/2 the units of a normal bottle.. I did not feel drunk at all, which is good.. I'm not going to buy anymore though.. I'm still very proud of myself for only drinking 2 days out of 29.. and those days I was not drunk at all.. I hope you are doing well staying AF too and that your therapy goes well..
take care,
Katie xx

[OverIt2007]

Bad anxiety

Maybe a Zanax or some type calming down med? Im not too familiar with meds and anti-anxiety, but Im sure there is something that might help?

Sorry, Im not of much help with this.

[mama bear]

Bad anxiety

Katie
I am sooooooo proud of you and the strength you have found. Wish I could transport myself to be there with you on the big day so I could stand there and snarl and be a biatch to all those idiots.........:biatch:

[sick of being sick]

Bad anxiety

Katie, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. CONGRATULATIONS on day 14!!! Don't let anyone or anything take that away from you! Not with just alcohol, but with life, we have to take one day at a time. Never look back or worry about tomorrow (it's useless energy). Try your best to keep your mind off that problem until the day of. I believe in you and I know you are going to make it. You have to. You are a great inspiration to me! I'm always here for you. Love ya, Vicki