MWO Program Update

[godschild]

MWO Program Update

I'm back. Didn't have such a great last week, my virus didn't get any better and I ended up with a case of bronchitis. After 2 days of feeling really terrible we had to go out of town for a baseball tournament for my son and we didn't get back until last night. Following my program while out of town proved to be challenging. First I forgot my All One Powder, I did bring my supplements and took them but I still wasnt feeling that great from getting over the bronchitis, I didn't manage to get in my 3 days of exercise, being on the road and in a hotel I didn't eat real good, drank more sodas and didn't listen to my CDs either. But I hope to get back on track this week. I am feeling better, we got in late so Im tired, but the boys won the tournament. Im not going to beat myself over this or feel guilty because I got off track. Week 3, I'm increasing the Topamax, as suggested in the book and will move on. Thanks for all the encouraging posts everyone.

[TinaB]

MWO Program Update

Get job. You are so inspiring. Keep up the good work. It's all worth it. You give me hope. If you can do so can we. Can't wait to heard your next report. Good luck and keep the faith.


TinaB

[godschild]

MWO Program Update

Has not been good for the last 2 weeks. Was home for 2 days and then had to go out of town again. It is hard for me to be disciplined anyway but once I got out of my routine, I had a really hard time getting back to it. I hadn't been drinking so I decided I would try to moderate and it turned into a 2 week binge. Moderation is not going to work for me, new goal, abstinence LOL. I did continue to take the topamax and lexapro while I was drinking, but of course, wasn't eating right, not drinking water, not taking supplements, not listening to CDs. I also allowed myself to into some old resentment that I have with my father stemming back my entire life, and resentment is not a good thing for someone like me. Anyway I am back here once again, picking myself up, how many times must I do this to myself, I am better than this, I deserve better than this and my family deserves better. I am stronger than alcohol and it will not win. I thought this program was going to be the answer to my prayers and finally allow me to be able to my control my drinking but I've been trying to that my entire life and it doesn't work for me. While I am glad that some people on here have been able to do this, I won't be able to and I am OK with that. Anyway have a great day to anyone that reads this.

[godschild]

MWO Program Update

I'm recovering from my binge and was finally able to drink some water and not throw it up, feeling really agitated and shaking but I know that will go away at some point. I did take my supplements and meds today, drank my all one powder, haven't eaten in a few days, since I give up food to drink, and with the nausea subsiding from my hangover I was able to drink an ensure. I also took a cold shower, prayed and that made me feel better, i cant concentrate on anything, ive started folding the same load of laundry 5 times and i cant get through it. I do have faith that this will pass, there are too many people living af lives for it not to happen for me too. I just have to keep reminding myself that no matter what I go through in my life, God will never give me more than I can handle and I can get through it with his help and the help of others, I never have to go through anything alone.

[godschild]

MWO Program Update

Finally feeling better. I joined this website hoping to finally somehow someday be able to control and enjoy my drinking and thought this would be the answer and once again, I was wrong, my experiment failed, but thats OK. I have to remember that I am sick and will eventually die from this and since my original relapse in October 09 after 7 1/2 years of sobriety I have been back in the roller coaster of trying everything to control my drinking and its not getting better. My binges are getting worse, I can drink again now as much as I did when I quit in 2002, which is what I always heard in AA, the disease never goes away. Its time for me to surrender, quit playing games with myself, moderation for me is not an option. I got my pillbox together yesterday and started taking the supplements and drinking lots of water, ate better. I just listened to the cleansing CD, it really helped my racing mind. I started looking at the aa and abstainer message boards yesterday and read alot of things that I needed to hear and I started visiting the chatrooms and got help there too, there is alot of support here for me. Everything will fall into place as long as I dont drink.

[mama bear]

MWO Program Update

godschild
I too have fianlly admitted I cannot moderate so I am right there with you and I will be thinking of you
mama

[godschild]

MWO Program Update

Thanks for the post. Having trouble sleeping just thought I would post to get some thoughts out of my head. I really forgot how cunning baffling and powerful alcoholism is. Alcoholism is the only disease if people have it they keep trying to convince themselves they don't have it. Physically my body does not process alcohol like the normal drinker, it never has and it never will, but my mind keeps telling me "it will be different this time". Now that I accept I cannot moderate my drinking and I really want to stay sober, what am I going to have to do differently to stay that way. So I'm thinking what did I do before in early recovery that kept me sober along with the new things that were working for me with the MWO program that I have learned since joining this site. The things I did before were choosing to not take the first drink, reaching out to people when I needed help, having a way to share to get out of my head where I'm at and what I'm thinking, praying, meditating with the MWO hypnotherapy CDs, eating healthier, drinking water, taking the MWO suggested supplements and exercising 3 times a week. These are the things that my program must consist of on a daily basis. I'm not going to put any added pressure on myself to quit smoking, I quit the last time when I was 18 months sober, I'll just how it goes. Now Im gonna go put on the sleep learning cd and hopefully get some much needed sleep.

[godschild]

MWO Program Update

Finally back on track and feeling better. I got the shakes later on in the day, which would have made me get a drink because that always worked before. I decided to try something different and ate, it worked, they went away. I drank plenty of water, ate several times throughout the day, prayed this morning, listened to the Hypnotique CD Tracks 1 and 2 after I brought the kids to school. Listened to the Sublimal CD on the way to the doctor, took the MWO suggested supplements and medications, walked 20 minutes and spent quite a bit of time in the "tool box". My mind is trying to make me beat myself up over my relapse, but it's not going to win and the sublimal cd helped. I still feel a little agitated and anxious but its better than yesterday, so thats a good thing. I still didn't sleep well last night, but I know it will get better. The most important thing is I didn't drink today, so it was a success. I think I'll try the same thing tomorrow, since it worked today.

[godschild]

MWO Program Update

I was so exhausted last night from not really sleeping the last 4 days and was really irritable. I was yelling at the kids, the dog, the printer, I even called my husband to yell at him because I couldn't get the printer to work. The dogs steered clear, the kids told me I would fell better tomorrow, the printer didn't care and my husband said he couldn't do anything from Haiti but to try to sleep and it would get better. Well I didn't sleep again at all, I couldn't quit thinking, I felt like I was losing my mind. I woke the kids up this morning, got them off to school, took my all one powder and breakfast, laid in bed to listen to clearing track 2 and sleep finally came. I slept so hard and so long, I didn't get up until it was time to get the kids from school but right now I feel human again. I am still tired but not exhausted, instead of so many random thoughts going on in my head I only have one, for some reason the song Footloose (dont know why, haven't heard that song in years) got stuck in my head and I can't get it out, but hey its better what I was dealing with before. Once I got up I took my morning supplements, ate, I drank plenty of water today, I finished taking the remainder of my supplements as the day went on. I got my son's graduation announcements done, caught up on some much neglected laundry, cleaned the kitchen, played with my dogs, my daughter has a friend sleeping over, my son just went out with his girlfriend, my hubby comes tomorrow from Haiti, so things are getting back to some normalcy. The only part of my plan that a deviated from was exercising, but I think I got enough this week, pacing my house and backyard. Now Im going to take a hot shower, turn on some TV and I have a feeling my precious sleep back once again and hopefully tomorrow my peace of mind. Got a busy day tomorrow, daughter has a cheerleading competition in Baton Rouge and dance practice in the morning but I have my supplements ready to go.

[godschild]

MWO Program Update

Friday night I layed down to go to sleep, put on the sleep learning cd, hoping to have a clear mind and peaceful sleep and that Footloose song was still in my head. I kept trying to focus on the waves on the cd but the song would not go away. I was getting very annoyed at this point. Then another thought popped into my head (I have alot of action going on in there) and I remembered something from the hypnotic CD. When I am laying there listening to it, cant remember if its track 1 or 2, the hypnotist tells you to repeat over and over in your mind "my arms are heavy", and when I did this my arms got heavy. So I decided to repeat over and over in my mind "I'm sleepy". I started doing that, trying to concentrate on the waves but I was repeating "I'm sleepy" too slow and when I would pause, that song would pop in, so now I got three things going on in my head at once, getting more annoyed. Then another thought popped into my head, think "I'm Sleepy" faster so the song doesn't have a chance. I did that and the next thing I knew I woke up at 7:00 am, the Footloose song was gone and I hope it never returns. I listened to the subliminal CD on the way to Baton Rouge and my mind was pretty clear the rest of the day. On the way home from the competition, I have this thought out of nowhere that a Bloody Mary would be nice. I then say to myself "NO, NO, NO" after everything I just went through the last week, I don't even think so. I remembered at that moment, that my alcoholism centers in my mind, explains all the action. I started thinking at that point about the complexity of my alcoholism and how it is 3 fold in nature, mentally, physically and spiritually. I know from my own experience that as long as I keep alcohol out of my system, physically my disease is under control. When I was going through my withdrawals and it got really bad, I had hit my knees in the shower, and cried out to God to give me peace and the strength to get through them and immediately I got peace within my soul and I knew that spiritually I was going to be OK. Now mentally that is another story, unfortunately that is where I will continue to fight my alcoholism. But the good news is the longer that I stayed sober before, and prayed and meditated and replaced my alcoholic thinking with sober thinking, the fight got easier. Once I quit doing what was working, then spiritually i started to slip and then finally I gave into the thought that "it would be different", I had no defense against that first drink. Then the physical cravings took over and I was back into full blown addiction. So today I woke up, took my all one powder and supplements, getting ready to work outside and going to my grandmother's to eat supper. I am drinking lots of water, my weight is going down really quickly and I will continue to do what is working for me today. I also got back to the basics with my prayer and am starting the mornings with the 3rd step prayer from the Big Book of AA, it worked for me before so I'm going to do it again. I didn't drink this weekend, it was a success also my daughter's cheerleading team came in first in the US Finals, they were very excited. I also slept really great last night with the sleep learning cd and my peace of mind.

[godschild]

MWO Program Update

Ahhhh peace of mind and serenity. I did manage to meet with my dad and work through some unresolved issues that we were having. Glad that we were both sober, meeting went really good, I have alot more peace, I don't like being at odds with my parents. Followed my program today and am so grateful to be sober. I have to go out of town for 3 days on Wednesday, going to freshman orientation with my son at Louisiana State University, since going out of town has been a derailment for me, I am going to have a plan together before we leave.

[godschild]

MWO Program Update

Got back last night from LSU and had a great time. It was very busy we were in seminars from 8:00 am until 9:00 pm and got to tour the campus and got alot of information. I feel alot better about sending my son off to college knowing all the programs and support that he will have. I'm glad that I went, if I were still drinking I probably would have blown it off. I was never around any alcohol the entire time I was there, so no temptations and I spent an awesome 3 days with my son. He picked his major, Nuclear Engineering , while we were there and he scheduled his first semester of classes, he was also able to test out some classes and has some credits towards his degree already. LSU fed us so ate pretty balanced meals. My daughter also tried out for her school cheerleading squad while I was gone and we found out last night that she made it. What a great week and I'm still sober so that makes it even better.

[papmom3]

MWO Program Update

Godschild,
What a wonderful week you had at LSU. the great schools do it right don't they? proud of you for staying AF all these days. I'm sure your son was one happy camper to have his mom there with him during this pivital time of his life. he sure picked an awesome major-he must be very very smart! congrats also to your daughter making the squad. Not an easy feat I imagine so a real accomplishment.
Good to hear from you-please keep us updated on your journey.
:l

[godschild]

MWO Program Update

Thanks Papmom3 for the post, I was so impressed with the school, this is my first child to send to college, I didn't go to college, so I didn't know what to expect, they definitely have a great university. He is by far the smartest person I know and I am very proud of him, he also received a full academic scholarship to LSU. There were alot of girls that tried out for my daughter's squad but they only picked 8 so we are very excited for her too. I will keep posting, I'm glad that people are reading it and care about what I'm going through, this site has been a Godsend for me.

[papmom3]

MWO Program Update

We definitely care!! My nephew has a decision to make about college too. Got into some nice small privates around here so the decision will be tough. I work in higher ed so I was able to be of some help in the admissions/searching process. I'm very proud of him-he's come a long way from the rebellious cranky ungrateful nineth grader LOL!!
Enjoy the rest of your weekend!!