Can anyone relate to this?

[Anotherday]

I seriously thought of just saying screw it this morning. If it were not for the fact I see my therapist this p.m. and have school tonight I may well have. On day 5.

I see so many people feel better both physically and mentally when they stop drinking, even after a short time. Many have more energy and are able to accomplish a lot. Many are upbeat and positive.

This is not my case. I wouldn't know a "pink" cloud from Adam. When I don't drink I get very depressed. The first day without a drink I felt suicidal. Ok, one can chalk that up to detoxing on a severe emotional level. But even three weeks into not drinking I am still very depressed. Even six weeks into not drinking I don't seem to do better. It has gotten to the point where I am expecting it after having gone through this so many times. I am starting to wonder if I haven't permanently ruined my brain chemistry.

Anyone else?

[mama bear]

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are you taking anti depressants? I take effexor.....

[happyladynow]

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No, don't say the heck with it all...I need you.
I doubt anyone could have ruin more brain cells then I have these past 4 1/2 years.
I'm not on any anti-D's. The side effects all scare me!
I feel good except for the HBP which is from withdrawals. It's coming down, walking is helping.
I've told myself that I'll die if I don't stick with this.
Hang in there!

[mama bear]

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anti depressants saved my life...I swear to you I would be dead now if it weren't for them......and that was BEFORE i started drinking!!

[jellybabyboo]

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Anotherday --- have you tried the L-glut supplements? They have worked WONDERS for my depression and anxiety. I take 8000mgs a day, 2 in the am, 2 around noon, 2 around 4 and 2 around 8. I've been AF since Feb 1 (a couple small slipups) and generally feel very good mentally and physically. IMHO it is worth giving it a try if you haven't yet.

[mario]

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Another Day you didn't become a problem drinker/alcoholic over night, that took a few years before it actually got a grip of you,You need to give it time,it took me at least 3 months before i started getting the real effects of living an alcohol free life,keep working on your goals,change them if you have to,but keep moving forward,it will get easier.:-)

[Panno]

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Hang in there A that's just another way al is trying to fight you I can relate to that very much. We really have to learn that life is not all about highs as we alcoholics expect. It will come good and as mama bear says anti d sometimes are a good route xxx

[mama bear]

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Panno...I like that......life is not all about highs....hmmmmm...maybe it's just about medium and being content.....and maybe a little bored every now and then?????

[Miss October]

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Anotherday,

Did you walk today ? Remember your mission ? You wanted to walk everday and lose 70 pounds by Christmas. I can't stress it enough how much exercise is not only good for your body but your BRAIN !! It releases "endorphins" which is a natural high. You will start to feel so much better physically and mentally. It starts with one foot in front of the other one step at a time. Here's a hug for you :l You can do it !!

[Anotherday]

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Happyladynow, OK! I am hanging in there with you! Let's just do our best to take this one day at a time.

Miss October, yup to the walk. I sure did.

Mamabear, yup I sure do take antidepressants.

Thank you all. I really appreciate your thoughts. I go see my therapist in a couple of hours and, honestly, the timing could not be better. In addition to not drinking, I am having to let go of a 35 year friendship (I guess I considered her to be my BF but it's obvious she has no respect for me at this point in my life she has to go). Too, just got off the phone with another friend of mine I've known for ten years. I don't think I am ever going to see him again, sadly. It hurts.

But it's ok. I just feel like things are going to get better and finally move in the right direction or they are going to get much worse. I don't know which way it's going to go. For right now, I'm just going through my house looking for things to give away to the Goodwill. It's time to move on. To where, I have no idea.

[KatieB]

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Well done AD,
You have a positive plan in place.. it is good to recognise that certain people may be slowing down or stopping your road to recovery and a better life, its hard, but you have to put yourself and your life first..
The anti-depressants need time to work.. if you were drinking whilst taking them they will not have been working properly.. you have to give your brain time to adjust from the self-medicating AL, and the anti-d's will take that place..
Also, as other people have said - excercise is a great way to release the body's natural feel-good hormones, endorphines.. i try and do at least 30 mins walking a day.. normally with my son in the stroller
I hope your therapy session went well..
Katie xx

[happyladynow]

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Glad to know you got your walk in and you are moving on. Sorry about your friends, assuming they would have been drinking buddies?
Hope your therapy goes well today.

[Anotherday]

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Thanks again everyone and KatieB and happyladynow for your thoughts.

True confession - I was driving home from school tonight and went for cigarettes. I avoided the grocery store (wine). I drove on home but two blocks from my house I stopped the car and thought...should I go get some?

I thought about all of you here and you all are the reason I did not. If if were not for the love and support you've shown me, I'd be drinking right now. So I want to thank you all.

I went to my new therapist today and it went ok I guess. Turns out he ran the southwest's largest treatment center for many years, so I have a great resource. Closing out day 5 here but today was close. Close doesn't count.

AD

[Hypernova]

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Change does hurt sometimes. If you are substituting a drunken life with a sober life you will feel pain. Sure know I am. If you are a problem drinker look at the risk/reward ratio of drinking or not drinking. The risks of drinking are huge and the rewards are near nil. I know for myself I became 'comfortable' being uncomfortable(drinking). As I have read drinking is the worst anti-depressant on the market. The side effects increase over time and the value to produce the desired effect diminishes. So now I chose change before it is not an option. If I think of all the obstacles and try to fix everything right now I would probably put my coat on and go out and get hammered. So go, Anotherday, fasten your seat belt and hit the road to change. You may be lonely temporarily but you will not be alone. Hang in there and be tough and I think when you are down the road a bit and look back you will be very happy you decided to change. You will find company and comfort but they may be different from what they are now.

[mollyka]

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You're so right Hyper, a year ago I gave up the booze for about 6 weeks but it was hard cos I was trying to be 'all things to all men', going out with hubby and friends to the pub, going on hols with drinking friends,( that was the end for me!) pretending I just wasn't bothered having a drink today - anyway to cut a long story short, this time this is for me! I am being utterly selfish, no pub, no drinking friends, no 'events', and it is all so much easier and I am so much happier, and so is my husband cos he has a sober happy wife