Willpower

[OverIt2007]

Willpower

Spam,

You could be right! I just get confused because my "willpower" never worked before.

Maybe I have huge willpower and just dont know it!!!


Overit

[Anotherday]

Willpower

OverIt2007;822087 wrote: Spam,

You could be right! I just get confused because my "willpower" never worked before.

Maybe I have huge willpower and just dont know it!!!


Overit

Yeah, I think you got willpower Overit!

Not to be underestimated is the POWER of support. If not for MWO there is no way I'd be on day 9. No way. I don't care how much willpower I have. Simply would not happen.

Too, I am paying a therapist big bucks (IMHO) each week. It defeats the purpose of doing so if I drink and I remind myself of this. Even though what I pay is a pittance compared to the thousands I threw at rehabs last year, I am more broke now so it matters more. Plus, thank my lucky stars, this therapist ran the Southwest's largest treatment center for 20 years. So I am dealing with an expert and am so grateful I finally pulled my head out of my arse long enough to be open to seeing an addictions guy.

AD

[KateH1]

Willpower

Willpower, interesting topic. I more closely align myself with Chillgirl. I also found the Alan Carr book helpful in the early days of sobriety. A different way of looking at alcohol was critical.

Here are my thoughts. During the first days a weeks, willpower or denying ourselves the right to pick up a glass or bottle of alchol is critical. Many times, we must just plain fight our way through the urgings, cravings and thoughts of drinking. As the days and weeks go by and our mind and body becomes more healthy and clear, it is time to take the next step and begin to change our lives, in order to LIVE sober. As we begin to replace alcohol with other activities, willpower is not needed so much. I believe the day that I finally just surrendered to the fact that I am an alcoholic, that I cannot drink if I want to live a happy, healthy life, was truly a turning point for me. At this point, I focused on living each day, rather than fighting the beast each day! Freedom!!

This is not to say that sometimes, out of the blue, thoughts of having "Just One" does not occur. Or thoughts of, "I deserve to have one", etc...you all know the thoughts. But, these days, I just remember that I surrendered to AL a long time ago and I just accept it, get busy and move on!

As long as we leave a space for alcohol...sometime, under certain circumstances, or sometime in the future......we will always stay embroiled in the fight. I choose to leave no room for AL in my life!

Best Wishes,
xx Kate

[Anotherday]

Willpower

Most excellent post Kate. Thanks.

[hippie37]

Willpower

I think anyone who says an alcoholic is weak willed does obviously not know the lengths an alcoholic will go to in order to remain active in their addiction. I'm with Kate (again!) on this one. It serves a purpose in the beginning but as we change so does our exertion of our own will power as we come to accept that the battle is over for us.

Love and Light
xx

[Lavande]

Willpower

Willpower?

OK, here's my .02!

Nearly half a century ago when I was in college my clinical psych professor told me there is no such thing as 'common sense'. You either know something or you don't!
I think of willpower the same way, you either have it or you don't. BUT, I believe that you can learn new behaviors if you really want to - you have to do the work!!
I used the 21 day Habit Busting program when I joined MWO last year in order to rid myself of negative thinking - a very bad habit I had fallen into years ago. It absolutely worked! I never would have had the confidence to quit drinking & live the sober life I am enjoying now!

Sheri, you are approaching your 1 year AF anniversary - a huge congratulations to you

[mama bear]

Willpower

Lav
what is the 21 day habit busting program??

[KatieB]

Willpower

chillgirl;821828 wrote: Kate - I dont like the word willpower as I think it conjures up having to so something really difficult. When people think "willpower" it scares the hell out them and they probably convince themselves they will fail before they begin.

For me I changed my thinking towards AL as in the Allen Carr method and if you really believe it, it makes the process so much easier, I even started to dislike the smell of AL! I have studied some NLP (neuro linguistic programming) and so I understand how by changing the way we see something we can actually reprogram our minds.

I recurring aspect of AL addiction which I kept noticing was that so many people affected were self confessed "control freaks". I have to say im quite fascinated by this and would love to hear some oppinions on why this might be the case. So far I managed to come up with one theory which could be that because we are control freaks maybe we needed the escapism of AL more than others but hopefully it also means we are more determined to take back control of our lives.....

Chilligirl,
That is SOOO true! I am a total control freak! I am super organised, constantly tidying up/cleaning - keeping everything in my life "in order" - I am almost obsessed with everything being "perfect" - so that's a huge reason why I ended up abusing AL - as it was the only way I felt I could finally "let go of the reins" and go crazy!!! I have to figure out how I can ease up on the control in everyday life so I don't end up so highly strung at the end of the day/week.. thats why I ended up binge drinking once a week - as I felt it was my "reward", that I could go nuts one night a week after all my hard work "being in control" during the week.. but it made everything worse and I was sick of the hangovers.. thank you all for your great replies,
Katie xx

[KatieB]

Willpower

KateH1;822091 wrote: Willpower, interesting topic. I more closely align myself with Chillgirl. I also found the Alan Carr book helpful in the early days of sobriety. A different way of looking at alcohol was critical.

Here are my thoughts. During the first days a weeks, willpower or denying ourselves the right to pick up a glass or bottle of alchol is critical. Many times, we must just plain fight our way through the urgings, cravings and thoughts of drinking. As the days and weeks go by and our mind and body becomes more healthy and clear, it is time to take the next step and begin to change our lives, in order to LIVE sober. As we begin to replace alcohol with other activities, willpower is not needed so much. I believe the day that I finally just surrendered to the fact that I am an alcoholic, that I cannot drink if I want to live a happy, healthy life, was truly a turning point for me. At this point, I focused on living each day, rather than fighting the beast each day! Freedom!!

This is not to say that sometimes, out of the blue, thoughts of having "Just One" does not occur. Or thoughts of, "I deserve to have one", etc...you all know the thoughts. But, these days, I just remember that I surrendered to AL a long time ago and I just accept it, get busy and move on!

As long as we leave a space for alcohol...sometime, under certain circumstances, or sometime in the future......we will always stay embroiled in the fight. I choose to leave no room for AL in my life!

Best Wishes,
xx Kate

Hi Kate,
I totally agree that the moment I said to myself that I had a problem with AL and that AL had been around in my life every time DEVASTATION occurred (funnily enough, Allen Carr refers to AL as being called 'devastation' in his book!).. that was a turning point with me.. I think its the same for any "alcoholic" or someone who has a problem with alcohol.. once you see the negative effects in the true harsh light of day that AL causes, thats when you build up the motivation and inner strength (willpower I guess) to turn things around.. Denial is like a fog that stops you from seeing the power of AL.. even though on some subconscious level you know it is doing you harm, but you push the thoughts to the back of your mind, as on SOME level you believe AL is benefitting you in some way. The moment you see it is not benefitting you at all, that's when the inner strength comes into play.. I think as long as you realise you cannot have just one, you have to give up completely.. or you will end up back in the fog again..
Thanks again all..
Katie xx

[JimBeam911]

Willpower

I don't think quitting drinking is chiefly a matter of willpower, although I don't think it involves combating some mysterious disease either. To my mind, the principal requirement for successfully quitting drinking is shifting the priority of one's personal values.

For many of us, the pleasures of alcohol intoxication have been given priority over everything else for quite a long time. As a result, we delude ourselves into thinking that alcohol is the highest pleasure in life, and that life without it would somehow be boring. Not surprisingly, this is why quitting alcohol feels like such a struggle, especially in the early days.

If one merely stops drinking but does not shift one's priorities so that drinking remains associated with life's highest pleasure, it is natural enough to feel as if one is being deprived of something valuable. Hence comes the subjective experience of struggling with willpower.

In contrast, when the recovering drinker shifts his or her priorities in such a way that alcohol is no longer the primary object of value, simply choosing not to drink becomes effortless. The value-shift prevents the former drinker from feeling as if he or she is missing out or losing something.

In my own case, once I abandoned the equation that 'alcohol = greatest pleasure' and began doing different things with my spare time, the urge to resume drinking occurred less and less. There was no dramatic exercise of willpower going on, but rather a simple priority-shift that anyone can achieve if they reflect clearly on why they drink and what they really want out of life.

[KatieB]

Willpower

Well said, JimBeam!
That's why that book by Allen Carr is so good - it talks about taking away the myths surrounding Al in that it gives you confidence etc. and that its a load of rubbish.. as he says the opposite is true - if you manage to get through a situation without AL - that makes you more confident! - AL just takes away the "fear", but does NOT give you confidence!
But its definately a matter of blowing away those myths, and seeing AL for what it really is - a poison that can destroy your life.. then things certainly do get easier!

Katie