Where do I begin, again!

[Little Sister]

I can't decide if I'm just starting out or I've tried but failed. It all seems the same.
I wish I wasn't me. I wish I was the person I want to be..
Not swayed by in decisions. A strong person. Someone to respect, to follow but I look in the mirror and I see me....
I really don't like me.

[mama bear]

Where do I begin, again!

Welcome back Little Sister
Come join us again
we can help you

[Little Sister]

Where do I begin, again!

I feel like I'm at the bottom of a very steep hill. I'm not even sure I've got what it takes anymore. I just keep slipping down..

[mama bear]

Where do I begin, again!

we all do...gotta keep on trying

[dancingon]

Where do I begin, again!

In my limited experience it's that sort of internal dialogue that keeps you down. You start and fail and think "What the hell. I'm useless. I can't do this." Different things work for different people at different times.

You are worth it. At the moment you may not be someone you can respect or like, but you were once and can be again. Alcohol can rob you of motivation and the wherewithal to employ an solutions that might help. I'm hoping that as the alcohol wears off, so will some of these negative thought patterns.

Right now, I've decided to view it as baby steps. If you fall on your bum, pull yourself back up and carry on from where you left off, instead of giving up. I've been trying to decide whether it is helpful to count AF days or not. Right now, I think it is for me - kind of like weighing yourself once a week when you're on a diet, but if you find it disheartening maybe you could count differently, e.g. I am now day 3 AF because I fell over, but in the last 8 days I have only had one day when I drank.

[sick of being sick]

Where do I begin, again!

"I feel like I'm at the bottom of a very steep hill. I'm not even sure I've got what it takes anymore. I just keep slipping down." I feel the exact same way, Little Sister, but what's the alternative, stay down here in the hole and watch the life drain out of us? We have no other option. We have no choice, but to take one step at a time up that hill. Maybe we do slip and fall back down and it is very discouraging, but hopefully we do climb it a little bit more each time and eventually we will get to the top. it is possible. So many others have done it. I'm sure they struggled, but they did finally get to the top. I wish we were there, but like all good thiings in life, it takes hard work.

[Coco-Nut]

Where do I begin, again!

Do just one day, Little Sister. Take one day off AL - just one... Read, go for a walk, go to bed really early - anything, just to get through one night with no AL. Then tomorrow list all the good things you feel and all the reasons you have to perhaps do one more day (and so on and so on). Keep coming back here - read and post - and read and post some more. The first day is the very hardest. After the first day you can tell yourself you got through Day 1 - it would be a shame to waste that - and keep on. Keep on keeping on...

As Dory says in Nemo "just keep swimming...just keep swimming...just keep swimming"

[Little Sister]

Where do I begin, again!

I know I can't give in but sometimes it feels like the easier option.
All that you've said is true but I'm not sure I've the fight in me

[KatieB]

Where do I begin, again!

LS,
I know what you mean.. I am just trying so hard myself.. just keep posting and reading on here, thats what i'm doing.. we are in this together.. AL is a depressant and will make any situation or life in general seem worse.. thats what i am telling myself.. feel free to PM me if you want, and we will try and help each other!
Katie xx

[Lavande]

Where do I begin, again!

Hi Little Sister,

Welcome back to MWO! Of course it's easier to just give in to AL!!!!!
It's not easy to quit drinking but I did & you can too!!

You need to reread the MWO book, revise your plan, commit yourself & just do it! If you slip get right back on board. Get a few AF days under your belt & I'll bet you'll feel stronger, more positive
AL is making you feel depressed & defeated!

Please feel free to drop in the Newbies Nest thread for support!
You can do this, you are not alone!

Wishing you the best on you journey,

Lav

[Muddle]

Where do I begin, again!

I'm in the same boat, Little Sister. I badly need some AF time, and this forum is the only thing that has accomplished that in the past. I would very much like to commit to 5 days to start with--Sunday through Thursday. I've failed myself so much recently I'm afraid to say I commit and betray myself yet again. I'm off to lurk on the Newbies thread because I'm right at the bottom of that steep hill you mentioned again. Thank you for your post Coco-Nut. Yes, right now, just one day. I want to stop making a muddle of my life.

[sick of being sick]

Where do I begin, again!

Little Sister, yes, it is easier to drink than not to, but that's a horrible life! I remember how great I felt after 2 weeks. I was high on life and felt so healthy and happy! I want to get back there so bad! It is hard but like all good things in life, you have to work for it. Just stay on the site until you get stronger and remember with every craving that you resist, they get weaker and you get stronger! We are all on this mountain together taking baby steps. If one of us starts to fall, we will catch each other if you are here and we know you are about to fall, so please stay right here! Best of luck and love to you all! Hope you all have a great AF day!