Sunday solitude

[KatieB]

Well guys, I have given up trying to think of things to do on my own on a sunday when I don't have my little boy.. I went to the mall nearby.. again all full of people with other people; families, couples etc.. i'm only 31 but obviously i'm not good enough for anyone to want to hang out with.
I went to the bottle shop and bought a bottle of wine, not low AL this time.. I have had 2 glassses and 1 valium.. I haven't bought some cigarettes at least, I don't want to smoke anymore and have lost that desire..
I am just at a total loss of what to do with myself on sunday's on my own.. no-one rings me, no-one asks me to anything.. all I can think about is everyone having fun, doing "family" things and having BBQ's - i've not been to a single BBQ this year and don't have room in my tiny place to have one of my own.
I have no family at all out here.. I have no contact with my mother who is a total b*tch all only cares about herself.. my sister thinks me and my negativity is too much to handle so I never hear from her, I only hear from my dad once in a blue moon.. i have no friends who ever want to spend time with me but for the token coffee once every 2 weeks or so.
Without my son, there is no reason for me not to drink - the only time I do well is when I am doing it for him.. I have no motivation at all to find "groups" or things to do on my one day off to myself.. I was going to go to the "single with kids" activity day today, but without a car I could not get to it!
So my only thought was to have a few drinks and go on that dating site, as I dont want to be out in public amongst all the millions of people hanging out with others..
Katie

[OverIt2007]

Sunday solitude

Katie sweetheart,

I am feeling for you right now. Sundays were always a bitch of a trigger for me to, and even with my son. Only so many things we could do, then what? Mom gets a bottle of wine. I know its hard when your lonely, and even having a child, you can still be lonely. Im not sure what great advice is that I can give you right now.

As far as all the other people out having fun.. Dont be so sure. It may seem like the grass is greener over there, but its usually just an illusion.

I heard this once from my Pastor at church. "If the grass is greener over there, its probably because its built on a septic tank" Funny but true. Other people who may appear happy usually have a whole shit pile in their backyard Katie.

Im sorry you are feeling lonely and left out right now. If I lived close to you I would come over with a movie, some tea or something AF for us.

Hugs

Overit

[Lavande]

Sunday solitude

Katie,

I'm sorry, you are in a pretty awkward position at your age. It's hard to find things o do that don't involve AL.
Is there any chance of signing up for a class or a volunteer position on your day off. It would give you a chance to get out & among 'the living'. Our former church used to sponsor activities & events for young parents....that was always a nice opportunity.
Please don't fall into the trap of staying home alone & drinking on your day off. You know full well that behavior won't serve you & your son well.
I'll keep trying to think of something for you

Lav

[ThePat03]

Sunday solitude

Katie, I'm sorry you don't get to see your son everyday. I will soon realize this pain with my two daughters as I'm moving in with my parents to sober up. my wife wants me to get better but won't do it with me so the time will get split. I understand why you'd want to drink but what will your son think later if your only sober when he's around? and I'm not trying to pry but if you and the father are not toguether could the drinking affect losing more time with him?
Are kids are one reason to be sober but we have to do it for ourselves. keep at it and try to find an activity you can do alone. volunteer, go running, use that money for a nice dinner instead of booze. you can do it.

[ThePat03]

Sunday solitude

Katie I'm sorry about not seeing your son everyday. I will be realizing that with my two daughters soon. my wife and I seperated and will be splitting time. hang in there. stay strong for yourself so you can be strong for your son.

[Miss Behaving]

Sunday solitude

Katie,

I think this is the second Sunday in a row that you've posted something like these thoughts ...... it is incredibly hard when you are feeling as isolated as you obviously are. And I so know that "cant get motivated//cant be bothered" feeling. Sometimes you just have to get out there and do it anyway. Malls are boring!! In a city like Sydney there are a million other things to do!!

I have two thoughts. One is could you use your Sundays as an opportunity to explore different parts of Sydney?? I had 6 months there a couple of years back and didn't know anyone except the person I was staying with. As I was staying on her couch in a one-bedroom apartment (and in order to stop us both going insane!) I made a point of going out most of the day on Sundays. I got very fit walking all around the place, and discovered all sorts of places that I wouldn't otherwise have found out about. I would always take a book with me, and even if I went somewhere, had a coffee and then sat in a park and read my book for a while that was fine. A couple of times I just went to Central Railway Station and caught a train and wandered around wherever I go to - that was quite fun!! (Went to Kiama once and ended up with one of the best eye brow shapes I've ever had!!!)

The other thought was about whether you can get to a point where you enjoy spending time with yourself? I have spent most of my life single (I'm 47) and I learned pretty early on (particularly when I was at an age when friends were getting married and having babies) that I needed to feel comfortable in my own company. It has been a really valuable skill to have as I have got older. Sometimes I stay in and watch DVDs (or old TV series!) or read a book, and sometime I go out walking or sitting on the beach or going to museums. I also did quite a lot of voluntary work at one stage, which can help you meet new people.

Anyway Katie, I hope that next Sunday you have a better day and that you can think of something to do (even just something that takes up an hour or two!!) that will bring you some enjoyment and give you some hope for the Sunday after that.

[KatieB]

Sunday solitude

Thank you all so much..
Miss Behaving.. thank you for your advice.. but i've been living in Sydney for 7 years and feel I have seen it all.. but I am broke this weekend (all my money goes on rent, groceries and my son.. my ex hardly pays any maintenance..) and before you say i wasted money on Al - i bought a $5 bottle of wine, so much cheaper than having to go anywhere!
But.. I do feel fine, not depressed.. I have made myself a lovely lunch and am now making a yummy casserole for dinner tonight for when my son gets home.. i have drunk water and am about to make a cup of tea.. im not just sat on the couch "mooching" with a wine glass.. in fact I went on the dating site and have a date lined up for 2 sunday's away :yay: with a very handsome looking 24 yr old.. he knows my age and i have a son but that didnt seem to put him off. we chatted for 30 mins and he said he finds me friendly and funny.. who knows what will happen, i am not going to "pin my hopes" on anyone, - im being laid-back about the whole thing..
I will make sure I have something planned for next sunday but as I am going out for my birthday to the Aquarium on the saturday, i will appreciate the time to myself on the sunday.. my prob is i have almost all sat on my own - and i love my own company - but one day is enough - 2 days off on my own is too much! i want to socialise and have fun with people (not nec with AL).. i just have to find some fun, nice ppl who dont need to drink and are not nasty to others!
thanks again all,
Katie xxx

[KatieB]

Sunday solitude

Thank you so much Sheri.. I will look at that list next time I have a whole day to myself.. thanks again for everyone's support..
I did not get drunk and only had a couple of glasses.. I ate heaps of food also and drank tea and water so I feel fine.. i cant believe im actually able to put wine back in the fridge! so i think this site has helped me enormously in that i dont want to get drunk anymore.. but a couple is nice just to relax.. though i want to use other methods to relax also..
More good news is that I have not smoked today nor bought a packet for a week! i feel much better about things.. MB's suggestion of the internet dating was a great idea - ive "met" some nice men already and feel a lot more hopeful about the future.. im only 31, well 32 next week! there's lots more life left to live!
Love you all,
Katie xxx

[spuddleduck]

Sunday solitude

wow katieb. putting the wine back is amazing. that is something i just cant do :goodjob: i
sorry youre feeling down. its difficult to give advice as everyone is different. as sheri says its good to keep busy but if your feeling rubbish its difficult to get the motivation. i have lots of little mini hobbies, making stuff etc. but i know if i was that way out i could just not see the point in doing anything, then i would feel miserable and the cycle went on.
maybe you should write out a thousand times 'i am amazing because i only had a couple of glasses'. keep at it, i hope you feel better soon xx :l

[TranqWilly]

Sunday solitude

Hi KB.

I know about being alone too. I think I went through the same thoughts - feeling like you are missing something without al -- like part of your life is being taken away from you. In fact, quite the opposite is true; you are taking your life back from al. I did feel the same way as you at first as I did not know how I would fill my idle time without al.

Well it turns out that I realized that I just don't like idle time. The answers to the question of how to fill that time depend on what you like. Knitting might work for some, but I'm guessing its not going to work for you and me. I like spending my time trying to re-shape myself both physically and mentally. I am also meeting people online and having fun going out. It's a great way to meet people, although people can be frustrating there too.

Another way to connect with folks -- checkout meetup.com. It's a free site where people post events for specific interests.

Regarding online dating, I'd suggest first meetings in a public place, and having a time limit or a way to end it early if you don't click for whatever reason. People can be much different in person than online or on the phone.

Your life is not going to change by itself, but if you can be patient and let al clear our of your system, you will become more tolerant and able to connect with things and people you like. I too used to drink alone, but now I find that doing so is just a waste of time. It just keeps me stuck in the same place.

Take care.
tw

[mama bear]

Sunday solitude

I think Sheri is right....go get a puppy or a kitten!!!!!!!! Your son will LOVE that!

[sick of being sick]

Sunday solitude

Katie, I can sense your loneliness and I am so sorry. I remember I felt the same way when my kids would go to their dads for the weekend and how awful it was to be alone. But you are not alone. You have us! We are your family and your best friend and we are always here for you! Have you read the book "The Easy Way to Quit Drinking" by Allen Carr. I started it yesterday and it is so awesome! I got it at Amazon for $10 but you can find it in your library. "You" are the reason not to drink, not just for your son. Like me, you got to learn how to love yourself! I'm isolated here with no friends or family, so I know how awful loneliness is, but I am so thankful I have this site, because my whole family drinks and don't wont to be around "sober" me anyway. I will be thinking of you today! You are loved, you have friends and you have a family that love you! We are all here for you!

[KatieB]

Sunday solitude

Thank you all,
Tranq - you are so right, and wise.. I will try and work out more productive ways of meeting people and doing things on my day(s) off that don't involve AL.. i might see if any yoga classes or dance classes (i used to love dancing on the clubbing scene, so maybe i can try doing some professional lessons!) that run on sundays.. i know i can do this, i just need to get motivated.. part the problem i am not motivated is my low self-esteem, and naturally wanting to hide myself from the world.. i get bad anxiety.. i might go see my GP again for some more meds..
MB - I wont be allowed to keep pets where i live! plus my little boy would likely "torture" any little kitties being the typical 2 yr old.. he doesn't know what he's doing!
Thanks again.. i will keep everyone's suggestions to look at on my next day i have on my own.. i will beat this thing and not turn to AL to deal with things.. at least i did NOT get drunk and i actually managed to put 1/2 the bottle back in the fridge which is a huge improvement for me - this site has helped heaps, as even though I haven't been AF - I have not gotten drunk once since finding this site.. nor have i wanted to!
take care all,
Katie xxx