I know I have another drink in me, but do I have another recovery?

[Anotherday]

You'll hear this in AA circles a lot and this morning I am really thinking about it. It is so true. Many years ago I quit drinking completely for over two years. If I could have seen then, what I see now, I surely would have NEVER picked up another drink. So I am trying to see now what I cannot see now in the hopes I have the good sense to make my recent drinking the last time I drink.

Last Fall I was really serious about this thing. My goal was 90 days. I was involved with someone at the time and I wanted to do those 90 days as much for him as for me. Well, I only made it to 45 days and then I drank. And then I didn't care. And then I wondered if I was just going to end up dead very soon so I emailed my brother telling him things had gotten pretty bad as sort of a headsup but I don't think he got it.

Coming here on MWO and finding all you wonderful people and getting a bit of time away from the bottle - well, I felt more optimistic. Now I'm not so sure again. Anyway, I don't know where I am going with this except I'd like to hear your thoughts, if you have any, on this whole notion of having another drink in us but not knowing if one has another recovery. I've been to too many rehabs and seen what happens to women my age who do not get a handle on it. I have a friend who did her dissertation on female alcholics and a good number of them die in their 40s. I am going back to WFS, but even in WFS, there have been maybe 4 or 5 suicides and we're talking a SMALL group of women. Sorry for such a heavy post so early in the morning, but I don't want to drink today and when I went to the store for cigs this a.m. the thought of buying a bottle crossed my mind. What kept me from doing so in part is the fact it was only 6:30 a.m. and I just could not do it.

[NoraC]

I know I have another drink in me, but do I have another recovery?

Hey AD - I really wondered before I got back on here in Feb if that was it for me. I really did. I know that I need to hang on this time. I slipped up this past weekend and I realize that I need to hang on. I don't know that I would survive.
I hope that you will hang on too. I hope that you will reach out and grab on. I have been reading many of your posts. I didn't post much but I am finally getting out more & posting more. I guess leaving my 'safety zone' so to speak. You are a wonderful person.
I know that I'm not really answering you question very clearly. But, it gets so easy to get caught up in the alcohol. And in that horrible darkness of guilt & remorse. Easier to stay with that instead of fighting for the happiness and joy. I hope that you fight today. I hope that you stick here and don't drink today. :l

[Reboot]

I know I have another drink in me, but do I have another recovery?

AD . . . the answer is YES:exclamation: ABSOULUTELY!!!!!! Look at how hard you are working . . . posting and getting inside this issue!! Listening to all the wisdom on this site and there is alot!!! We have ALL been where you are and/or are where you are or we wouldn't be here!!! Here is my hand . . . let's pull each other up!!!


PS Having read some other threads may I just add don't let the b****** get you down!

[Anotherday]

I know I have another drink in me, but do I have another recovery?

NoraC;826665 wrote: Hey AD - I really wondered before I got back on here in Feb if that was it for me. I really did. I know that I need to hang on this time. I slipped up this past weekend and I realize that I need to hang on. I don't know that I would survive.
I hope that you will hang on too. I hope that you will reach out and grab on. I have been reading many of your posts. I didn't post much but I am finally getting out more & posting more. I guess leaving my 'safety zone' so to speak. You are a wonderful person.
I know that I'm not really answering you question very clearly. But, it gets so easy to get caught up in the alcohol. And in that horrible darkness of guilt & remorse. Easier to stay with that instead of fighting for the happiness and joy. I hope that you fight today. I hope that you stick here and don't drink today. :l

No, it was just a fleeting thought - one of those, hey, they are selling at this hour of the day and here I am sort of thoughts. I have syrup and pancake mix (I eat neither) I've purchased just to make it look good buying wine at 6 a.m. and I really do NOT want to go there. I can see my recent foray was bad and I don't want to keep doing it.

So you wondered in Feb. I do hope you are not wondering anymore. I do hope you are feeling more optimistic. It is rather humbling to battle with the bottle, I must say. I don't walk around quoting AA stuff all day but the words cunning, baffling and powerful ARE really true. I think this applies when one goes to AA or just does Baclofen. This is a beast we deal with. And the horrible darkness of guilt and remorse - yes. I was in no shape to go to class last night and might fail this course. Oh well. The most important "course" I'll ever have to pass in my life is this business of conquering my addictions.

To those not afflicted with what we deal with, they are looking pretty blessed to me right about now.

[Anotherday]

I know I have another drink in me, but do I have another recovery?

Reboot;826668 wrote: AD . . . the answer is YES:exclamation: ABSOULUTELY!!!!!! Look at how hard you are working . . . posting and getting inside this issue!! Listening to all the wisdom on this site and there is alot!!! We have ALL been where you are and/or are where you are or we wouldn't be here!!! Here is my hand . . . let's pull each other up!!!


PS Having read some other threads may I just add don't let the b****** get you down!

Here is my hand back. Insert hand icon HERE! Love the jelly beans, btw.

This is certainly a BIG issue to get inside of - so big that even the Drs cannot really get it figured out. I know someday there will be more answers but probably not in my lifetime. I guess we just have to take it one day at a time and do the best we can.

[johnnyh]

I know I have another drink in me, but do I have another recovery?

Hey AD,

Hang in there! I hear what you are saying. I mean I've just returned a couple of days ago from an almost year long binge after having gone AF for 3 or 4 months (can't even remember anymore). And i've asked myself the same question over and over. Have I got it in me to do this crap again? Knowing that just 1 drink can make me stumble again and lead to worse.

You just got to motor on. There is no alternative. (I know that probably doesn't help much). Pick yourself up again and after a couple of days AF you'll build up momentum again (again, easier said than done).

[NoraC]

I know I have another drink in me, but do I have another recovery?

I feel so much better. Even after my last weekend, I still feel positive. I know what I need to do. Alcohol is not the answer. And it feels wonderful to know that. Oh, I'm still going to have my moments. I wouldn't be here if that wasn't the case. But, I finally feel like I am going to come out on the right side of this.
I imagine that a lot of it has to do with the Topamax that I am on. I am finally up to to 200 mg. I had to really debate with the Doctor to get that dosage. But, I'm glad I did. I am in a better place. I know that the Topamax isn't a magic pill cure all. But, it is helping me thru this patch while I make changes in my life.
Things will get better. And you are right - the course to pass right now is this course. :l

[Anotherday]

I know I have another drink in me, but do I have another recovery?

NoraC;826680 wrote: I feel so much better. Even after my last weekend, I still feel positive. I know what I need to do. Alcohol is not the answer. And it feels wonderful to know that. Oh, I'm still going to have my moments. I wouldn't be here if that wasn't the case. But, I finally feel like I am going to come out on the right side of this.
I imagine that a lot of it has to do with the Topamax that I am on. I am finally up to to 200 mg. I had to really debate with the Doctor to get that dosage. But, I'm glad I did. I am in a better place. I know that the Topamax isn't a magic pill cure all. But, it is helping me thru this patch while I make changes in my life.
Things will get better. And you are right - the course to pass right now is this course. :l

Hmmm, 200 mg. Mine is only going to up me to 100 mg. I am only at 50 right now. Are you noticing that you don't think about drinking at all on 200?

[ATLThrash]

I know I have another drink in me, but do I have another recovery?

AD --Listen!

AD--

Doggy girl saod somehting to me that really made a difference. It is that even though we are all different we are alot alike in terms of alcohol. So you are nto alone-- and really turn the negative into a positive. I recall most of your story and you have been through so much. So much. There are folks on here who have not had nearly the horrifying expereicnes that you have and they want to give up too- so think of it-you are MUCH stronger than you know-- to keep on fighting even if you have gone through so much that throwing in the towel seems better. I don't knw where youa re in terms of AF-- but if you are AF-- evn if it is hard and you are thinkingof it-- youare nt doing it-- you are not drinking. And if you are drinking I bet you are drinking less. And that is important. Tonight comng back from my son's s school program I saw a man who was so drunk and jaundiced he coudl barely walk. He staggered into our car- ran into it whiel tryin to walk-- and scared my son to death. I thought-- you know, it is not going to get that way with me-- and it IS NOT with you either!!! You soudn isolated and I know I am-- when my husband is here I wll not drink or will drink like a normal responsible person and not a drunk. I finally told my husband that I was sorry but that he was going to have to be around more-- even at the expense of his hockey, work out etc. I know a job is different but he is the boss and can knowck off early, work here etc. I am putting pressure on him but we promised to be togtehr in sickness and in health. Let us be your lifeline-- Ia m sure you would be ours!