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    #1

    Day one again....

    I'm sitting here waiting for the words to flow....I want to post...there's so much to say, but nothing...does that make any sense? I think what I mean is, there's so much to say nothing we haven't already said or heard before.

    I was doing well...really minimized my consumption...I am thinking I want to moderate. On Friday I quit my ridiculously stressful job, thinking that the stress would ebb from my pores...but no....instead now I worry about money, and what I will do with my new found free time. I am trying to get another job, but I won't hear from them until April.

    Well, since I quit, I have drank every single night...Friday to last night. Last night was the deal breaker....my kids were upset with me, my husband is disgusted with me. I really need to get my sh*t together or I will lose them. I know that moderation is not in my cards. I just simply can't. If I go without, I am ok, but having just one, well, I might as well have 20, because I can't stop.

    I am taking Bacolfen right now, but haven't hit my level of indifference. I keep waiting for it to happen, but I am thinking that going AF is the way to go. I will win my self respect back, I will win my husband and my kids respect back....I will get to be me again. I NEED to be me again.

    Thanks for hearing me out.....:h
    AF July 6 2014
    Tags: None
    #2
    Day one again....

    Christy,i really know where you are coming from.Except the hubby thing.Whatever mess i get into my hubby never tells me off or tells me i should stop drinking.... i wish he would

    Comment

      #3
      Day one again....

      Hi Christy
      The important thing is that you have the awareness that Mod is not an option. I know that it is not an option for me either. Now, you can take steps to help you abstain, and Trust Me, It can be done!!! I felt so hopeless, for so long. Now, I am willing to go to ANY lengths to maintain my sobriety. Explore all of the available options. Keep an open mind. One Day at a Time. Ask for help. We cannot do this alone. I have tried and failed many times. I wish you well in your journey. The rewards are endless.:l
      "Decide-Which Voice in Your Head you Can Keep Alive" (Shinedown)

      Comment

        #4
        Day one again....

        Christy, I can REALLY relate to the part where we think a Big Change such as a job or (in my case) major relocation, etc. will somehow remove the reason we drink so much. I did that again and again. The last time I did that, I resigned from a big paying job where the boss was really "onto" my drinking. But I turned it around in my mind to make HIM the jerk who was causing me to over-drink. At any rate, after I resigned the job and didn't have a strict work schedule any more - Katy bar the door. My drinking didn't reduce - it escalated to very bad proportions.

        Anyway, these are things I just had to go through in order to finally "get it" that I just can't drink. Finally accepting that drinking - ANY drinking just isn't an option for me - was such an important step in finally getting free of AL's ball and chain.

        This is a tough journey but getting sober has so many benefits it's worth all the hell we have to go through to get there.

        If I can, you can.

        DG
        Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
        Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

        One day at a time.

        Comment

          #5
          Day one again....

          christyacc, it sounds like you just need to take a deep breath. Have you made a sobriety plan? If not go to the forum page and click on "Start Here"-rubywillow. This will get you started. If you have questions, post them or Private Message someone. Do anything to get your questions answered. Once you start collecting imformation, it will start too empower you to change, so then you can begin your sober life! Your in my thoughts and Prayers,
          runningwind :l
          PM me anytime
          The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind. William James (1842-1910)

          Comment

            #6
            Day one again....

            Christy, one thing that helped me so much was ordering the supplements. They make you feel so good, healthy and happy. I am taking baclofen, but found it makes you tired and bummed out for a while, so be patient with it. Also, get the book "The Easy Way to Quit Drinking", by Allen Carr. It will change your whole attitude about drinking. I ordered it off Amazon for $10. You can do it! Just take one day at a time, never look back or worry about tomorrow. Just focus on yourself and getting through TODAY without alcohol. Best of luck to you. We are all here for you and we know you can do this! Love ya, Vicki
            I'm not what I should be, I'm not what I could be. I'm definetly not who I want to be,
            but I'm sure not who I used to be!

            There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper still.

            "I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME." Phil 4:13

            Comment

              #7
              Day one again....

              Hi there christy
              sending you love & understanding the best i can. Thank goodness we have here to be during difficult times!
              Like you I am in between jobs & my successful modding has fallen by the wayside. Like you, money worries, confidence etc. Feeling confused & resentful. Lost my bearings i guess.
              Best sense I can make of it for me, is that if i'm not modding well then i need to do some AF time. One day at a time always makes most sense to me, & if my days are wasted in a drunken/hungover stupor than i need to do things differently or things will stay this way...So i'm aiming for AF
              Thankyou 4 sharing. I wish you well in your journey. Some of our stepping stones can be slippy, but we have one magical thing in common, our desire to recover, to survive, to be well. Awareness is a powerful tool, thankyou for giving us some of yours
              Keep safe all
              Gold xxx
              :sun:

              Comment

                #8
                Day one again....

                Hi Christy,

                I completely understand the hubby and kid side of your problem. My husand takes so much abuse from me when I am drinking ( not physical) but I blame him for my problems and my drinking and some how he still wants to be with me and help me. I really need to stop making excuses for my drinking , face the problem and deal with it. I know what I have to do, it's just easier said then done. We can do this! If you ever need to chat, please feel free to pm me. I just got back on the wagon, its only day 2 for me but I am here if you need it!

                Comment

                  #9
                  Day one again....

                  Christyacc,

                  Hang in there girl! Your family needs you. We are on this planet for a short time. Some are here very short. I just lost someone a few weeks ago who was as close as you can be (my twin, who was young healthy at the prime of life). My heart aches and I have realized that we can't keep going like this. People who are close to you need the real you because we never know when our time is up.

                  YOU CAN DO THIS. Start with today. You will feel better tomorrow. One day at a time. Trust that the cravings will go away if you wait it out. They will. You are alive and you make a difference in their lives when you are sober.

                  Seacailin - "Decide-Which Voice in Your Head you Can Keep Alive" (Shinedown). I love this it inspired me! thank you.

                  Meech

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Day one again....

                    Meech, so sorry to hear about your twin. Be gentle with yourself, life can be very hard and as you say, very short sometimes
                    Thinking of you
                    Molly
                    Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
                    contentedly NF since 8/04/14

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Day one again....

                      Thanks Molly. I have to take the reality of it in tiny steps as I can't bear the pain if I let too much in.

                      At least I don't feel the need to drink AL to numb. I drink AL to celebrate for the most part at that is the last thing I feel like doing right now.

                      God I miss him.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Day one again....

                        Meech, so sorry to read about your twin. Further evidence that the ONLY moment we know for sure that we have is the one we are in right now. And on the off chance this moment right now should be my last one, I sure don't want to spend it drunk.

                        DG
                        Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                        Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

                        One day at a time.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Day one again....

                          Oh meechie....so sorry,,,christy be tough and listen to everyone;s good advice...we are here for you baby
                          I love my family more than alcohol.:h
                          Live in the Solution....not the problem

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Day one again....

                            Christy,
                            So sorry to hear your story but the good news is you are still here with us and we all love you and know what you are going through. Stick with the bac, stick with your strength. It will all work out, I promise, just keep going, use what you have learned.
                            Your friend,
                            Hoping

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